A
male
age
51-59,
*fren
writes:My wife of 23 years has on and off tried to end our relationship for as long as i can remember. we both have had previous short lived marriages, and when we first got together i was just outta of marriage by a few months so when we were dating i still visited the ex. she caught us a couple of times maybe 3. that hurt my wife very much that was 1992-1995 so now fast forward, she told me last month, I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. SO i moved out her complaint, I DONT TRUST YOU, CANT TRUST YOU, YOU R NOT THE HUSBAND YOU SHOULD OF BEEN. I have been the provider for ever, I cook clean do laundry, clean yard best i can. she does real estate work so shes gone odd hours i enjoy doing this have been since 2004-05 till now. Back in 1998 she left to her mom for about 5 months several states away only to finally contact me and say lets try again. even though she knew all about my transgressions. i though then we can move forward but, its caught up again. Like her I'm tired of being a plague to her, touching her and her acting like im a pest, or just nasty. there is no tenderness, not that i can see or feel. but she says I do Love you. today i sent a friend request to a girl i dated once as a friend that i HAVEN'T spoke to since high school 1985.. my wife thinks i'm trying to get with her for you know. nothing could be farther from the truth, just a hi. Facebook sometimes sucks. So anyway after her blow up i though bout it and i felt, maybe its a reason she's seeking to finally kill this relationship. a REAson. I told my wife you don't need one to validate that you are right in ending this. She know how i feel that i Love her, treasure her, want to be there for her with her. I dont know what more to say, She knows how I feel shes so back and forth. I'm sick, nauseous. I dont know what to do anymore I told her tonight after shes said what she did not trusting me, that i should just not go over any more and visit or help. she hung up on me cause i told her i should give her the space she wanted since monday. I dont want to end this but when i ask her to tell me and i will leave it alone she stays silent, WHY??? any help I guess im asking why she cant let it go, and what keeps her from telling me that its over final and mean it.OUR LAST CHILD JUST turned 18 has her own car so no more kids? Im feel like im going crazy. I wish i spoke woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): I wish you had enough balls as a man and end your crazy marriage of 23 years. You have punished her enough. Why she hasn't left you is beyond me. Or could it be you just didn't want to pay any support payments? The worst part of all this you project that you are really proud of what you did to her. You are really pathetic.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): I'm amazed you two are still together after 23 years...I'm amazed because it seems all the trust and good will has evaporated between you two and I'm just left wondering why you haven't split up yet.
Here's what I see:
You diminish your infidelities. You won't even admit to strangers on the internet that you cheated with your ex wife. You just call it "visiting".
You contacted an ex girl friend over facebook, but you call her someone you "dated once as a friend"...what does "Dated as a friend" even mean?
You say that she's using your behavior as an excuse to break up with you....Couldn't anyone say you were doing just the same if you were the one to move out after she found about your contacting an ex?
Perhaps your wife is in fact paranoid and we just haven't had the benefit of experiencing her, but the stories you tell with all the diminishments and oxymorons sound like BS. They doesn't sound honest. And it's not because I speak "Woman", it's because it's fairly obvious you're not fully acknowledging the reasons why she doesn't trust you or why you don't want to be with her.
My impression is that you'd like a divorce, but you'd rather have her prompt the ending so you don't have to be in the wrong. You'd just like to pretend she's being unreasonable and chalk it up to her female hormones. I think the more honest (and manly) way out would be to apologize and end it because you've realized the trust and affection between you two is gone. It might be because of your infidelities. It might be because she can't learn to trust again...but make a decision for yourself, not in reaction to her.
And you might consider asking your daughter who at 18 is technically an adult and having spent her life with you two, might have some valuable insights about you that you might have overlooked. Perhaps she can translate for you.
Good luck.
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