A
male
age
36-40,
*onfusedBoy123
writes:I have been in a serious relation for 4 years.During the 3rd year one common friend started coming very close to my gf.She started staying with him more than me on a few occassions, but eventually was with me 90% of the times.Still that made me very unsecure.May be because my past realtionship same thing happened.A guy came close to my X-GF and then she got attracted to him and left me.So that same feeling started coming to me, and I started arguing with her a lot because of this.I sat with her one day during the 3rd year and told her that this guy is causing too many problems and don't you think you should back off a bit.She didn't take me seriously, and so this guy started having feelings for her after a few months and told her.He didn't know we have been dating for 4 years.So when he told her he loves her, she told him that she Likes me, and she sees him only as a very good friend.Still this guy says to her that even if she doesn't love him, he will continue loving her.So this continued for almost a year and our fights kept on increasing.At the end of 4th year ,our relation was pretty strong, but my fights did start making her have second opinions.I had to leave the country and go abroad for my further studies.As soon as I left, this guy started contacting her more.He asked her to come to his place and got her interested with some projects.I kept quiet since I was too far.She still was pretty loving me.Then in Dec 07, we had a huge fight over the internet.Someone told her I went on dates here,and she just blasted at me ,accusing me of infedility.I have sadly not even looked at any girl after coming here.That made me lose my patience,so I just erupted, and told her everything that i know about she going to his place and stuff.She said to me I fight a lot and she broke up with me for a month.I do realise I fought a lot,n treated her like shit.But all that happened because of this guy coming in between.So, I tried to win her back,I went back to my country to win her, and I did win her.The day I met her, she just came running and hugged me and didn't let go for a long time.I was truly sorry for behaving so bad with her, and I talked with her regarding that.I knew she loved me a lot, but things were a bit rough still.While I was in my country ,she told me on the phone after the first meeting a few days later, she is having second thoughts.So I told her, if you really want to break up, be courageous enough to do it face to face, not over the phone.So I again went to meet her, but as soon as she met me, she again melted.But this time I told her,she better let me go cause, she seems to love that guy now.Here she said he is just a very good friend.She said the only reason she left me was because I fought a lot with her.I assured her I won't treat her so bad,coz I realised what mistake I was doing.Sorry to keep this big, so my question is.She says she loves me a lot, and wants to marry me.But she is in daily touch with this guy.Phone calls,sms.She did try to lessen the calls to him after I spoke to her, but now this guy keeps calling her all the time.She is finding it hard to back him off, but at the same time she is not ready to just cut all contacts with him.He is treating her like his gf, which I am hating sittin 15000miles away.I am helpless.I want to trust her words, but still there is a doubt.I don't want this competition.When I tried contacting this guy, he was pretty rude to me , and didn't want to meet.Should I confront him, and make things clear to him in a tougher way now? Being a good guy in this case is not helping me anymore.They are just 100miles apart, so he goes to meet her on a few weekends.She has not gone to his city yet to meet him, but if I don't stop this, ,he is surely going to pursue her to go n meet him at his city.I hate long distance relationships!!!Someone please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (24 February 2008):
 Hunny, I know how your girl feels becuase I have guy friends, some that I had slept with in the past that i still talk to. My boyfriend knows about it, but he has no say in it. My friends are my friends, and they are my friends forever. A lot of girls can have friends outside of their main guy, and you have to grow up and accept this or just let her go. Arguing with her is only going to make her mad and go into the arms of her friend.
Have you thought that she probably already has slept with him...and they have a certain understanding. That kind of relationship isn't impossible. They could be fuck-buddies already, how do you know? When your thousands of miles away you can't keep her chained up waiting for you. Shes a woman who has needs too.
But i dont know how you can force them not to see each other, except to threaten to break up with her. You have to love her all you can and trust her. There are no guarantees that she will be faithful to you, but if you give her enough trust you have a better chance to keep her than to continually argue the problem.
Your choice is simple: break up with her or accept this relationhip she has and let her be.
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