A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking to a guy online for the last 18 months on a regular basis. I haven't met him as yet but was going to visit him in March this year on his birthday which I mentioned to him about a month ago. Yesterday he said I could stay with him for the first 3 nights but as it was his birthday when I arrive that he will be going out with friends. Is it just me or would anyone else be annoyed by this comment. He knew I was arriving to the airport at 5.30pm and I asked him whether he intended to include me in his birthday celebrations and he said he didn't know? This comment left me feeling quite angry and annoyed. Where did he expect me to go once I got to the airport with my luggage if he was out with friends?, considering I was supposed to be staying with him? He got quite angry with me and said If he wanted to spend his birthday with his friends he would. I don't have a problem with him being with his friends, however after eighteen months of contact etc I get the feeling that if he was that keen on meeting me he would want me to join him for his birthday celebrations. He is now texting asking me whether I have calmed down?? I don't know what to say or do? Any advice please.
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 He sounds one of these 'sicko's looking for vunerable people on line to carry out his sick desires. Don't go, erease him from your life.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 Honey I don't know how not to sound harsh, but this is just insane , I can't find any other word than insane. AND dangerous.
Do you want to pay airfare and hotel accomodation just to be the sex slave of a man whom you don't know anything about, other that he sounds nasty ,rude and boorish... and that has amply shown he sees you just as a sexual convenience ??
Why do you want to do this to yourself - do you hate yourself ?.
I am not referring at all to your submissive streak, if that's is your thing sexually and you are an adult, that's fine. But you can find someone to play sub/dom in your area and in real life for a real relationship, and also it does not have necessarily be just about sex, there are happy committed couples that have their own dynamics in the bedroom.
Why are you selling yourself so short ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi readers. Thanks for your advice. To be honest I didn't mention everything initially about this guy as I was rather embarrassed and ashamed of myself. In regards to his birthday etc he text me back last night and said that I was staying at his house for three nights and that he would be around the city when I arrived. He also said that he hadn't actually made any plans at all for his birthday and he would probably just have a few quiet drinks with his mates. What I don't like is why when I initially informed him that I was arriving on his birthday was it really necessary for him to text me back and say I can stay at his house for three nights but he would be going out with his friends for his birthday? Was this comment really necessary at all. It made me feel to be honest that he wasn't that keen to meet me in the first place considering he later said that he didn't have any plans and may not do anything.
I am thinking now that I don't want to stay at his house at all after his other comments recently such as he continues to threaten to pull the plug on this, sick of the drama ?? this was related to my question to him " Did you intend on including me in your birthday celebrations? He has also wanted me to perform anal sex on web cam for him in the past and hardly wants to engage in any other form of communication apart from the cam sex and for me to send him naked pics of myself. When I said I didn't feel comfortable about it he said that things would not be going any further until I did. He also wanted me to purchase toys so that he could watch and said he would give me the money back when I meet him. I didn't buy the toys. He says he wants more than submissive and that he wants unquestioning obedience from me when we meet and will have sex with me when and wherever he wants. In the past he has said that there is no point in me coming unless I am there at his beck and call sexually.
Also I was going over for ten days. He initially insisted that I stay in a hotel for my stay. I am paying for my airfare and hotel costs. To be honest I don't think this man is good for my self-esteem. I need to start respecting myself. Any other comments or suggestions would be mcuh appreciated.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Did he invite you to visit him on his birthday, or is something you planned? Who's idea was this? How long are you staying?
Now if he invited you to visit on his birthday and is unsure whether or not you should be included on the festivities then I agree that's very rude. I mean what are you to do, go off by yourself? You're his guest, of course he should be inviting you to go!
On the other hand, I can see where he would unsure since it would be a boy's night out on his birthday seeing as you don't know him personally (it's a whole other experience when you meet your online lover) or his friends it might make for an awkward situation. Or he thought you might not be comfortable. What I don't like is he was getting defensive saying he's going to do what he wants. It's not like you were trying to control him.
It rather sucks that your stay is getting off to a bad start..so I would take the reins and apologize for how he may of thought you were coming across. Just explain, that since he was so keen on meeting you, and you're his guest that you figured you would have been invited to the celebration. You weren't trying to get into an argument or ruin his day, you just wanted to be a part of it. See what he has to say, let it be water under the bridge for the reminder of your stay.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (21 January 2011):
Let's put things in to perspective. He's never met you in person, so he doesnt know what you are going to be like in reality. He will want to know that before he introduces you to his friends because he won't want his night to be spoilt by giving you all his attention when out with them. I think it's been a bit of bad planning really. You should have been meeting before or after his celebrations. Did you hear bells ringing when he got angry anyway when he was worried about you turning up when he has other plans. you know it's always a big risk when you meet someone when you have only known them online. Have you taken care to protect yourself and let someone know where you are. Be careful, keep your suit case packed in case you have to make a quick exit.
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