A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was his rebound girl. I cannot believe it. I definitely knew what I got myself into, but the god-damned feelings kicked in. I fell for him, quite a bit. I wanted more, and I thought I could do it. The honest words he said, does hurt. I am mostly okay, but the vulnerability kicks at a lonely night like this. He always told me that I am very hot, sexy and smart. He also told me in the end it was just the sex. I was dumb enough to think if I stay with him long enough, he would develop feelings for me. It was a shocker to hear that from him, who I always thought to be a smart, gentle, sensitive and considerate guy. The worst is that I feel like I may not be able to find someone that's better than him. 1. How do I get over these feelings.2. How do people meet nice guys? Friends? Work? School? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 October 2011):
 As far as jobs, unless you ar desperate for an income, don't lower your "standard" Finding and having a job you actually ENJOY can make such a difference.
As for planning. Some are planners, some are not. However, when you plan thing you always have to be able to take into account the unforseen. There is nothing wrong with trying to "plan" your life. Just don't be to rigid :)
And don't beat yourself up because this guy couldn't see what a great girl he had right in front of his face.
Chin up, girl!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt has been a tough week - job application rejections, online dating profile not doing so well.
I feel like maybe I have too high of an expectation of myself, maybe I should lower my bar a little bit. I.e., maybe the jobs that I want the most are a little bit out of my reach at this point; maybe good guys are very rare; maybe relationships are something that happens when you are not looking.
Maybe I should just go with the flow, and maybe I just thinking and plan too much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. These inputs are very helpful.
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (17 October 2011):
look at it like this..you are probably the best thing he can never have now that he has made a boo boo and ruined what could of been a nice relationship, as you seem like a nice girl. But HIS LOSS!
so get your friends together and go out for a girls night. Don't worry about finding another guy, you will know when you are ready and when the right one comes along. You will get over him and move on. It's hard finding out something like this, but at least you know before you got too deeply in love with him. Just don't waste time moping about over him.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 October 2011):
1. How do you get over it? Well know that he got LUCKY in having you as a rebound and that it is HIS loss that he can't handle anything more. Next time take the time to get to know a guy before you jump into bed with him.
2. Get out there meet people. ( in general I would say stay away frm guys you work with.. it can end up in an awkward mess).
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): You'll definitely be able to get over him. The fact that you're rationalizing our thoughts and feelings is a good sign. And the mentality that you think you can't get over someone always prevails when you've just been heartbroken. Trust me you'll get over it in time to come. For now, start socializing and keep yourself busy wth activities. I used to have that mentality like you, that if I stayed long enough, that guy would like me too. But in the end, you'll realize it just ain't gonna come true. Move on to better guys who'd treat you with more respect instead of just for sex. Hope it helps :) Be strong!
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Hi,
Sorry that you are feeling this way. But, you have to know that you didn't do anything wrong. It was not your fault, you didn't know in the beginning, and unfortunately when you did it was a little too late. I understand that you decided to stay because you thought his feelings for you would change, and there's nothing wrong with that. You have strong feelings, you don't choose who to love, and you did what you thought was best for you at the time.
I know the truth hurts like no words can explain, but be glad that he was honest now, he could have let this relationship go further, and that would've been more difficult for you if you have more attachment to him. I know you are hurt, you feel overwhelmed, betrayed, but this will go away, and day by day will get easier. But, it's up to you how fast you can to get over him. You need to push yourself everyday not to think of him, and forget all the memories you had together. Get rid off anything that reminds you of him, delete all his info, number, email, Facebook, etc. You need to be strong, and do not contact him at all, and if he does, ignore him.
I know he was all the things you mentioned, but know that's not the real him. It's what you picture him in your head. It was all fake. He said you are hot, smart, kind, I am sure you won't have any problems finding a real man, that will truly love you the way you deserve. Just know that this has nothing to do with you, you are special, unfortunately you were at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Be confident, be strong, and like this relationship happened unexpectedly, you will find an amazing guy when you least expect.
Do not look back, do not blame yourself, do not waste your time thinking about him. Encouragement? He has already moved on, living his life the fullest everyday, so why are you in pain? Thinking about him? You do the same, move on, enjoy life, go out, have fun... Take care of yourself, eat well, keep yourself busy... Keep positive energy, be happy, because that attracts people toward you... It's hard in the beginning, because you cannot change your feelings overnight, so you have to push yourself, but with time, it will become naturally, and you will be over him. Like I said, when you least expect you will find the man you truly deserve..
Feel better soon, best wishes
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Hi,
From personal experience I was a girl's rebound. We met up on a dating site and I thought I'd won the "competition."
Things went so so good for nearly 3 months, loving, soul mate, chat, friendship, her friends, my friends, attraction, days out. Then STOP.
Literally overnight it all came to an end.
I was devastated and didn't understand. On thing I could tell you is that I am afraid based on what you say is that anything you had is now over. It's like you replaced the Ex for a short while and provided a need for them. Suddenly, when they realised you were not the ex, their feelings came crashing down and they begin their own grieving process. None of this helps you because you feel devastated and cheated. My advice would be to accept that what you had or glimpsed was purely someone that was trying to come to terms with their own devastation of a failed previous relationship. You helped them get out of their sadness and gave them some great times again. However, sadly for you (and myself at the time) you just have to accept that they were not ready for a relationship emotionally and that you met them at the wrong time. His comment to you was lashing out at his own sadness of losing his Ex. He didn't really mean it, he needed to "hurt" someone and probably did it because he knew you wanted/liked/ had feelings for him. He is in his own place of grief and I'm sorry to say that he has to get the healing process started on his own. Things will get better for you and just deal with your sadness as and when it arrives by knowing that things will become better soon for you. Thanks.
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