A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was badly bullied by this guy Dominic in school. He was part of the reason I didn't go to the 10-year HS reunion. (He wasn't the only one but he was the worst). We graduated in 97 and in 07 half my senior class friended me and I friended them back to be polite. I had a hard time saying no or rejecting people at the time. Most of the time I scrolled past people I didn't have interest in and commented on the few people who were at least civil towards me. I didn't pay much attention to Dominic but I noticed he'd gone to college in the city I landed in and got his degree there. It looked like he got a degree, joined a fraternity, got married to a rich proper Kentucky girl and started making GOOD money in sports medicine for a well-known football team in our former state. One day in 2009 I was drunk and confronted him via Facebook messenger about why he treated my friends and me like that and what did we do.He wrote back with a heartfelt apology and said he wasn't raised that way and he'd hate it if someone did that to his neices and nephews or if they did that to other kids. He asked what he could do to make up for it and offered to help pay for part of the surgery my son needed. He also said he heard from someone that my ex was horrible to me and that I struggled with drugs He said when I was ready to quit he'd pay for me to go to treatment in Florida where some of his athletes went. I didn't let him. I forgave him and told him to teach future children to be kind and to stand up to bullying if he saw it. He promised he would.I went to prison for 36 months starting in 2010 and had my sister defriend all people but family members while I was gone. I refriended all the civil people but forgot about Dominic and basically kept people who didn't know or who had not written me off. My charges were identity theft, forgery, Petty thefts, possession and prostitution. I didn't want people to know. At the time I lived three states away. After prison, I moved into a halfway house and did great until 2012. I didn't go back to prison but I went to jail and rehabs here and there. I also got 12 and 18 months sober here and there before relapsing.I got sober again 18 months ago and my son and I are close again.Dominic refriended me and I friended him back. He recently told me that he's never forgotten what I said to him and it made a big impact on him, how he works, treats his kids, and his wife. He also congratulated me on being sober and said his work takes him to this city sometimes. He wants to meet in-person to buy me coffee and catch up. I'm suddenly afraid. What about my past? Do I owe him apologies? What do I say? I can say a lot about my son graduating in May, his art and his martial arts successes but I don't know what to say. Dominic said he doesn't look down on addicts' because he struggled with addiction to gambling, cocaine, and escorts.So neither one of us has a pretty past but he happens to be successful. I've moved into an apartment recently and he wants to know if I need anything. I'm starting from scratch but I don't know what he means by need anything. I don't know what is too much to ask because I've done so much dramage before. But I think he wants to make up for beinean. Also, some irrational part of me fears he'll offer me money for sex.I want to meet with him but don't know what to say and I'm scared out of my wit's after being antisocial for so long. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2020): I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you want to have coffee with him, do it. It sounds like he has grown up and will likely be nice to you regardless of how the conversation goes.
You certainly don't owe him an apology or your life story!
You could also put off meeting him for a while and practice talking with somebody else, somebody you didn't go to HS with. Do you have any nice neighbors? You could just ask one of them if they'd like to get a coffee sometime. Who knows, that might turn into a friendship too!
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 January 2020):
 You don't owe him your life story, OP
He is someone from HS who back then wasn't kind or nice to you, he wanted to make amends financially. Which is nice of him but you aren't obliged to take his money.
IN short you don't OWE him anything. He doesn't really OWE you anything either.
You both made some bad life choices. Doesn't mean you have to relive them in words with each other.
As to HOW to "practice" being less anti-social. Start by saying hello to 10 people every day, (if you are out and about) some will then carry on a little small talk. YOU get to pick who you want to talk to.
I don't think this guy is coming 3 states over to proposition you. (ask you for sex for money). And talking about the kids is usually a good option.
PICK the place to meet. Don't bring him home. He is STILL a stranger. Have a cup of coffee and if you don't know what to say, let him do the talking.
At ANY time you CAN get up and walk away, remember that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here: that confusing word in the second-to-last paragraph should read "being mean".
My drug of choice was crack.
I didn't serve all 36 months in prison, some was served in a half way house.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 January 2020):
If you want to meet for a coffee, then do it, but YOU pick the place. Some place you are comfortable with.
Make it a 30-45 min. meet up. That way you won't feel pressured to talk about anything you don't want to. And even if it lasts longer ONLY talk about what YOU would be comfortable tell anyone.
Do you owe him an apology? I don't think so.
He apologized, you accepted the apology and forgave him.
TIME to let the past rest.
Someone meeting someone who wasn't nice to you at someone can put things away. Sometimes it can bring stuff to the surface.
Also, as kind of it was for him to offer money, I'd take nothing from him. Don't owe anyone anything.
And know that IF he brings up sex, you tell him good luck with your life and WALK away. Right then and there. And then you unfriend and block him. He might not. He might just want to make amends for being a shit as a teenager. Hopefully he is older and wiser.
Good luck and keep moving forward in life.
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