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I want to marry one of my friends, but her response to that isn't good...

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Question - (31 May 2011) 10 Answers - (Newest, 5 June 2011)
A male Pakistan age 26-29, *.Tahir writes:

Hi friends plz plz plz help me, i am in big big trouble, i've a friend and now i want her as my girl friend because i want to marry with her, she is not giving me positive reply, i want her to tell her parents about me so that i may proceed but she is not willing, i really love her, we are friends for about 1.5 years and i am now in big trouble, she has asked me many times that she will break our friendship but still she is my friend, i really want her in my life as my wife..!!!

plzzzz do something for me :(

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A male reader, M.Tahir Pakistan +, writes (5 June 2011):

M.Tahir is verified as being by the original poster of the question

THNX FRNDS

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

guys, you are all being completely insensitive to culture here. In Pakistan, the generally done thing is to marry as opposed to date. Sexual relations and dating/courting is against the norm and the majority's religion.

As for you, M.Tahir- If she doesn't want you, and she says she doesn't, you have to understand that. Don't make her resent you. Be her friend.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 May 2011):

chigirl agony auntWhat is the best option for you, to not have her in your life at all, or to have her in your life as a friend?

Choose one. You have made it clear that you want her as a wife, but for that to happen she needs to choose that she wants you as a husband. She hasn't chosen that, at least not yet.

If you keep her in your life as a friend, at least you will get to see her, and perhaps give it more time and she might love you in return. If you build up a good career, show that you are able to take care of her, act noble and treat other well and show her you are a good man, your chances will increase.

If it is too hard to love her, and she doesn't want you, it might be best to not have her in your life as a friend, and just don't talk to her again. That way your heart will heal, your love will fade, and you can begin to love someone else instead.

You can't make someone love you when they don't. There is no such thing as a love potion. Either a person loves you for who you are, or they don't.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

how can you get married just like that!!!

don't you think that you guys should be dating for a while before taking such a decision I mean being friends with someone is not enough to say yes for a marriage proposal .Don't you think!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

She does not to marry you or be anything more than a friend you must respect this otherwise you will lose her forever as your friend. A person cannot be pushed into loving you and marrying you. If you love her, you must accept that you are not the man for her, there is nothing else that you can do. You need to find someone who feels the same for you as you do for her.

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A male reader, macdubh712 United States +, writes (31 May 2011):

I realize your culture is different and where you are at, there are still plenty of arranged marriages. However, you are going to get the western take on it. If she doesn't want to marry you or be your girlfriend, sorry dude. Tough luck. You can't force her to be with you. Assuming you even forced her to marry you, that could only end up bad. You have a friendship with her so this might be all you get from her. Good luck.

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A female reader, Dear Mandy United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2011):

Dear Mandy agony auntHI

she does not want to marry you, and you have to respect that if you want her to remain your friend. 15 years is a long freindship to waste, so dont push her into something she does not want to do, or you will loose her as a freind too.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 May 2011):

Honeypie agony auntShe wants you as a friend not a husband/lover. You are going to have to face those fact and move on.

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A female reader, Ima FreAk!  United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2011):

Ima FreAk!  agony auntHiyaaaaa,

I think that you should tell your friend exactly how you feel about her.

Just yesterday I saw a movie called "If Only" starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and I cried!!!!!!!!!!!!

Basically the movie is about how this guy doesn't appreciate his girlfriend and when she dies he realises how much he loves her and fate gives him another chance and the next day everything is back to normal, his girlfriend was alive - as if nothing happened. So he tries to make this the best last day.

What I've learnt from this movie... is that you should tell people how much to feel and love them whether it's 5 minutes of 50 years you should tell them because if they're gone you don't wanna say what if I told them this...

Whatever happens just tell her exactly how you feel and if she doesn't accept it then don't try any more because she needs time to think about it. Because remember you did all you can and its up to her to accept you or not but at least from the bottom of your heart you've done everything you can.

Hope my advice helps!

Good luck and keep updates! :)

Tell her how to feel before its too late!!!!!!!

Lots of love,

Ima FreAk!

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

Ok firstly as agony aunts we cannot 'do' anything for you, we are merely here to advise so that you can make your own decision but with a little guidance from others.

Secondly, by your own admission you say she is not willing. I think that is as clear as it can be made; she does not like you in the same way and does NOT want to marry you. You cannot force a woman to love you and you definitely should not force her into a marriage she does not want to enter into.

What do you think you will gain from telling her parents about you? It is her choice, they should not factor into her decision about a future husband.

Would the only positive reply be the one when she says "Yes i'll marry you" or can there be a compromise? You say you are already friends so maybe you could explain to her that you would like to further your relationship. Maybe, if she is willing, you could just start by dating and see how that goes. So many people these days get married without thinking it fully through. Make sure it is not lust pushing you towards the decision that you want to marry her as that does not last.

And lastly, remember 'want won't get'. You already know your feelings, now it is up to her to decide hers.

I would love to know your thoughts about my reply :)

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