A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well...i have been carrying this burden for too long, so here goes.I was in a relationship for 9 months when i cheated on my boyfriend. Why? Because i was in an emotionally abusive relationship....because i was weak to walk away.I kissed my best friend...once...then once again...and then the third time we had oral sex.I developed feelings for my best friend....but i felt so guilty that i almost told my boy friend everything...preparing myself for a break up. But i couldn't.I told the other guy to stay away...and he left me...he said if i love my bf...then he'd leave.but the thing is...i was shocked as to the fact that I cheated on him! Me! with all my proclamations of being a loyal person....of being a good person! I was disgusted with myself.So i tried...over the next couple of months to make things up to him. But things never improved. My bf always had a problem with something or the other. He fought with me on my birthday...when my exams were going on...when my brother'a marriage was going on...i could never,truly be happy.I tried...its been six months hence. I swear on my heart that no matter how hard i try, no matter how much i want to be with him...he makes it so difficult for me.Let me cite an example. A couple of weeks ago, a few friends of mine were arrested by some cops on trumped up charges...they were partying late at night and the cops asked for a bribe. When that didn't happen, they arrested them...there were a lot of girls there; i was scared for their safety. That night, i was with my bf. But when i came to know about my friends being arrested, i grew very restless. I could not leave...as i was in a different city. It was the eve of our one year anniversary. The next morning, i kept on callin my friends, to find out if they were safe. These are the people i am very,very close to as we stay in the same hostel. My boyfriend fought with me because i wasn't giving him enough attention, he said,"can't you stop worrying about them, its our anniversary."I know it was our anniversary but i was so shocked at his total .... selfish behavior. I did not go home and check up on them just because of our anniversary...but was it a crime to worry??And another thing, he never wants to meet my friends; he sounds very unenthusiastic when i suggest this. But i am always supposed to be willing to meet his friends.I just feel...we are no longer...in a loving relationship...who fights everyday.Now the other issue is, the other guy. My best friend. He's going abroad for further studies and he's coming to meet me; he said he's going to go all out to make me his.The point is....is....First of all, i think i have lost faith...in love...I have also started hating myself...I want to leave my bf...And the other guy....i feel something for him...but i'm not sure...and i don't want to hurt him!! BEcause i love him!! Someone...please advise me. And please, be kind.
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a break, anniversary, best friend, cheated on my boyfriend, emotionally abusive, my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dersita +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Oh my gosh what are you waiting for!? Forget your so called boyfriend and go out with your best friend!!!! Your best friend seems like a nice civilized person but dont be mean if you break up with your so called boyfriend. Be nice and tell him that things aint working out!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know how my bf will be without me...he doesn't have any close friends....its more like i am the center of his universe but its this very thing which is driving me away from him!!
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A
female
reader, x waz x  +, writes (16 December 2010):
your boyfriend sounds like he has been really selfish and not giving you a chance to do what you want, especially if it's your anniversary you should both decide.
just follow your heart or whatever they say, because do you want to be unhappy or with somebody you love?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): as i began reading this i immediately had flashbacks of almost the exact same problem. this is a bad situation to be in. you want to leave your boyfriend but you dont want to hurt him and on top of that you love another guy. clearly your unhappy with your relationship, and if you can go as far as oral sex with someone else then you probably dont love your man all that much. i did the same thing as the kissing my best friend a few times. and i can say that during that time i wasnt in love with my boyfriend because he acted similar to how you describe your boyfriend. the longer you wait the harder it will get to leave and you need to decide which guy is more important to you and leave the other one for good. now when i had to make the choice of which guy, i picked my boyfriend and since then we have worked through all the fighting and his bad attitude and have fallen back in love but i lost a great friend in the process because i knew as long as i was with my boyfriend i could never be the other guys friend while he wanted more than a friendship with me. so all im saying is just take time to think this through. and pick whoever will make you the happiest. goodluck.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Leave your boyfriend. That relationship is a sham anyway and you're not happy. See where things go with this friend. Take it slowly. He realizes you're messed up right now, and if he cares like he claims, he'll be ok with waiting for you to be ready.
Give the new guy a chance. Your current BF needs to go at an absolute minimum.
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