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I want to find my birth father - but I have none of his details... Any ideas?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2008) 17 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hi

I have a problem in that I know nothing about my birth father - except his first name.

I desperately want to find him and I have tried everything from my birth certificate (which doesn't have his name on it) to friends reunited and facebook but with no luck.

I think it's because only knowing his first name and nothing else is too vague.

My mum and her side of the family won't tell me anything and if I bring up the subject they don't listen and certainly won't give me any answers.

Is there no possible way for me to find him? Is there anybody else who has been in this situation that could offer advice?

Thank you for any help you can offer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013):

I am in the same place, I am 13 but I have known since I was 5 my mom has been open with me but she wouldn't dare tell me his name because she'd think I'm gonna visit him, when in reality I just want to meet my brothers.

I just recently found out about them. But I don't have a clue about my dad! I don't even know his first name. All I know is my brothers don't live with him. Any help?

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A female reader, Jessienicole14 United States +, writes (23 March 2013):

Hey, yes i am in this same situation currently. I need advice as well.. I have been having some health issues and and i cant even provide the doctor with any type of info on some family history. I also have a sister that was adopted and i wish i knew how to find her... All i have on her is her birthday.

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A male reader, raylongoria United States +, writes (3 August 2012):

Hello there not sure what to say ,only that i have a son out there that maybe asking the same thing you are.i to know that her mother side didnt like me very much.and she told me he was given up for adopted .but i dont think thats what happen.you could see if your mother had a class yr book and look though it.at the first names and see if anyone looks like you.not really sure .hope you fine him and it works out,some times its best you dont.in my sons thing it best he does.i am a good old guy.i know i would of been a great father.good luck

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A female reader, lil tc United States +, writes (7 April 2010):

well my mother said she knew who he was but i have never met the man i would just like to met him she also said that he didnt no anything about me

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A female reader, flower27 United Kingdom +, writes (16 December 2009):

hi im goin through exactly the same thing at the moment ive just found out that my dad is not my real dad after 27yrs im looking for my real dad now but i only have is first name

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A female reader, doctorlove United States +, writes (9 December 2009):

hey I'm in the same situation as you are. I only know his first name nothing else. I don't even have my birth certificate. I really wish I knew who has was.

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A female reader, gabby_babe Australia +, writes (22 August 2009):

gabby_babe agony aunthi im gabby i have the same situation.

MOD NOTE: EMAILS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE POSTED!

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A female reader, dezzboo96 United States +, writes (12 August 2009):

hey

this might sound a little crazy but ya

OK my name is destiney I'm 13 years old.this summer of 2009 was when i got that felling like my heart had dropped into my stomach.i live in florida with my mom and every year i fly to missouri to see my dad. well this summer was not a good summer. my parents got into a arrugment.the guy i thought was my dad told me that he wasnt.i didnt know what to think i didnt believe him. i thought he was just messing around with me. but it wasnt a laughing matter.when told my mother that he had told me he wasnt my dad, she fliped out she got all mad.she asked me if i still wanted to stay there.i said no i wanted to come home as soon as possible.she got me a plane ticket the next day.when i got back home in florida my mom told me that when she was 16 she had sex with this guy befor the guy i thought was my dad. she said when she want to missouri she meet this guy.the guy i thought was mt dad and they started talking.well she did it with him.she was for sure that he was my dad.but when i was 4 and my parents broke up my dad took a test to see if he was my fater the tests came back that he wasnt.my mom never told me this.but now i got a step dad. my moms current boyfriend. and then this guy i though way my dad. but on my birth certificit i have my dads last name not my biologic fathers. there is no way i can find my real father.none of my family wants to talk about it my mom dosnt no i want to know my real dad nothing!!!! i feel lost and i dont know what to do if anybody is reading this... i need help

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008):

I have found myself also in the same situtation that you are in. when i was 13 or 14 and in the 7th grade i was trying to get a shopping trip out of my mother when she sat me down and told me that she needed to tell me something. she kept telling me how pretty i was and how much she loved me and then just said that my dad isnt my real dad. someone who i have known to be my father my whole life was really not at all. i think she told me because i started to ask about really being his kid or not because everyone told me that i looked like him but i thought otherwise along with the fact that we have never gotten along since i was in about 6th grade. my mother still refuses to give up his last name but i do have his first and am also trying to find out how to get ahold of him. No one quite understands that i dont even care that he hasnt been around for years of my life i would still like to see where my looks come from or just the fact of knowing. i would really like to see if you can find anything further out for me about getting information. thanks and i hope you have luck too. my email is [email address blocked]

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A female reader, littlegemz84 United Kingdom +, writes (15 October 2008):

Hi, I have recently found myself in the same situation and with a mother who also wasn't open to helping me. My mother had no legit reasons for it, she is just selfish which she has proven not only to me, but many of her own family.

I found my dad within 9mnths of being on www.genesreunited.com, the researchers on there are amazing and so helpful. I only had his first and second name, and since then pieced together my jigsaw and unravelled my mothers lies to find I have 4 uncles, 1 aunt, over 12 cousins etc. I had around 16 names to write too, none of which were him but I put together the data and came up with the conclusion I could possibly have a cousin whom I eventually wrote to. Turns out I found my cousin through genes reunited then my other cousin recieved his letter...

www.genesreunited.com

DONT GIVE UP!

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A female reader, Katz74 United Kingdom +, writes (2 October 2008):

I found out after 34yrs i to have no date of birth if i can help or if u have any luck let me know thanks good luck. X

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A female reader, leanne1983 United Kingdom +, writes (11 August 2008):

hi my names leanne, im 25 and have recently found myself in the same situation my mum told me that after 25 yrs of thinking i know my dad that i had never actually met him, i am trying to find him and all i have to go on is a name and the fact that he used to be a chef 25yrs ago, i am running into brick walls everywhere i look, they all ask for a date of birth which i dont have, if u have any luck with your search would you message me and let me know how you did it and i will do the same for you,

good luck

leanne x

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A female reader, angelrockheart United Kingdom +, writes (30 May 2008):

I know how you feel - I have exactly the same problem with my father - this is a problem but you could ask your mum for advice or you could try and find out a way of finding his adress or call and identity number - I am sorry I can not rpovide you with one - good luckx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

i work in an adoption department in a local authority in the UK. What you need to do first is contact your local authority and they will tell you how to go about it. You wouldn't need his name although it makes it easier if you have it. Try and find out how you got adopted, if its by an agency or whatsoever. Its amazing how many reunions take place every month. If you need more advice please msg back

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A male reader, StudentOfLife Canada +, writes (30 May 2008):

StudentOfLife agony auntMaybe there's a reason why your mom doesn't want to tell you. Ever thought about that?

Maybe your mother was raped and that she doesn't want to see that man again.

Think about it. If he was a good man, don't you think that your mother would have stayed in contact with him at least?

I'm not telling you to stop searching for him, I'm just worried about the fact that your moms is not helping you.

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A female reader, Zarna United Kingdom +, writes (30 May 2008):

Zarna agony auntI'm in the same situation as you are hunny...I too, have no idea who my birth father is!

My adivice for you is to never give up searching for him. They're proabaly not telling you about him because the news might up set you.

Try contacting with a talk show pleading for help to find him. By doing this, this might touch some producers' heart and help out how ever they can! In most cases, the outcome for people asking talk shows to help them find family members comes up postitive!

Try looking through old records that might have been made by your mother perhaps about him!

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A male reader, Uncle Sneaker United Kingdom +, writes (30 May 2008):

Uncle Sneaker agony auntI have a similar problem - I was adopted and I want to find my birth mother or at least some more details about her, but I have had no success and I've been trying for years. And I have her full name and my adoption records, but still nothing.

I can only tell you some of the things I've tried, and hope that something works for you, but without even a name it is going to be very difficult.

Put your name AND your mother's name onto every contact site you can find - there are quite a few that specifically deal with finding lost friends and relatives.

Put together a one-page web site (lots of places you can do this free - or spend a little money on registering a domain that uses your surname). Make sure all the details on your web page are relevant - so that it gets indexed by search engines. One day he might happen to search Google or another search engine and come up with your page.

Set up a free Google "news alert/web alert" using his first name and the original town your mother was living in, also an alert using your mother's first & last name, and one using yours if there's any possibility he might know your first name. He may be searching for you too, and there's a slight possibility he will put something somewhere on the Net - and this is the best way to ensure that you get an e-mail alerting you if something comes up that might be relevant.

Without a surname I can't think of anything else you can do. The other option of searching the electoral roll and similar public records simply doesn't work. Is there anyone who lived nearby, or maybe a family friend who might have known more about who your mother was seeing and who might be willing to give you more information?

Of course, you also need to consider why your mother won't give you the information, and the effect on your relationship with her if you do find your birth father. Also, if there has been no contact with him at all, you have to be prepared for the possibility that he won't be interested and doesn't want to see you. Maybe you should try again to discuss this with your mother before you go too much further. It would be disastrous to find your father and then discover that you had ruined your relationship with your mother completely.

Good luck.

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