A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 20, the boy i like is also 20. he likes me. i like him.he has hinted he would like to be in a relationship with me by saying things like 'see if you were my gf you'd have something to do' or 'if we were a couple...'he's also tried to get me to go out with him... but i have been reluctant. we have been to the movies once but before we went he joked with me and asked 'so is this a date' to which i replied 'no. if i could have you it would be' to which he just replied with laughter. we were meant to eat after but he kinda scared me off by saying i may be able to charm you when we eat, so i told him i had already eaten.i just didnt want to give in to temptation i guess... and i knew i would have if i had gone to eat with him... because he is indeed, very charming. so when i talk about 'if i could have him' and 'temptation' what do i mean? basically my religion and my parents won't accept a relationship with him... and i love my mother and my religion far too much to jeapordize those relationshipsbut this is the first time i have ever liked any boy this much. and the exact reason i have turned every single boy who has ever asked me out down and i never let any boy become too friendly with me and set my boundaries as soon as i become friends with them so they know im not interested. but this boy took me totally off guard which has evidently now gotten me into this mess.i am meant to go to lunch with him in 2 days, at his request... but my arranging... (he said he wanted to see me before the next time we are working together)but i was talking to my mum today (we are very close) and she was telling me how much it hurt her when my brother had a gf and was calling her for so long, under her (my mothers) roof and she wsant even aware. she said it made her feel like she was a bad mother because she didnt know what her child was up to. and now im obviously feeling guilty, but i dont feel i can cancel on him either because i already have before...he knows my situation because ive told him. so basically i don't know what i should do... and just would like an outsiders point of view. maybe someone who's been in a similar situation?should i just tell him we can't be and we should just stop now with all the flirting etc? we work together as well which makes it harder because i see him and i cant ignore him or anything.any comments would be much appreciatedthankyou
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): YES! YES! YES!that is all i can say.Just know that i regret telling her we couldn't every day.I'm 32, married to the woman my parents chose...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): To the anonymous male, it really makes me feel better to speak to someone who has been in a similar situation...
... my story has now found another twist for itself and now i really don't think i can afford to risk a relationship with him lol. time will tell i guess.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Hi; this is the same anonymous person as before. When I read your posts its like im reading my life story for the past year. In my relationship we both knew that neither one's family would accept the relationship, which is why we knew we had to end it. Im not gonna tell you what to do, but I never thought I would get over my love...but now im happy to say that I have moved on. Im actually working on getting engaged to a girl (she's the same religion as me...lol). But I swear I thought I would never get over my first love. Like I said before...it may a long time to get over him, but someone (namely God) will save you from your sorrow.
Im so glad I can talk to someone about this. It feels good knowing that I've grown from my experiences. I hope my words help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): we didnt meet but it wasn't because of me lol his car has been funny for a while and he ended up having to get it sorted that day, but he said we'd meet the day after, but i couldnt because i was already meeting friends... so i just said we'll do it another time...yes it is because he is of a different religion. you're right, marraige would not be prohibited if he converted to my religion... however i do not believe a person should convert for another person, but for God... even if he did convert for me he'd be making sacrifices, not me, that's not exactly fair is it? ... but that was if i was considering marrying him lol which i am most certainly not at this stageit's just so hard because i do like him so much and i know he wants us to be more than friends, but i'm already a cynic about relationships since so many around me have fallen apart... and i don't know if its worth it because at the end of the day anything i would have with him would be 'short lived' in the sense that i know my family would never accept him in the end anyway... is it really worth becoming attatched to him?also if we were together everything would be a secret, just like the anonymous male has written his relationship was like, which would be hard for us especially him because again it's my side with the issue.haha i dont thinks my mother doesnt want me to have a life :) i get why youd say that but its only the boy front she has issues with, that is to not date generally, and to remain chaste, shes fine with me getting to know individuals on a friendly basis, i mean she's even met the boy i like and spoken to him once when i asked for a ride to work, my religion does, strictly speaking, prohibit dating and interfaith relationships (the secnd one for women at least anyway), it depends on individual as to how strictly they adhere to this though...i know im pretty much trying to talk myself out of doing anything but so far it's not working too well ... i know eventually im going to end up caving i mean we hug a lot anyway, (i am estremely affectionate haha not just with him though, pretty much with everyone i like lol) and one of these days that hug's going to end up being a kiss and then im going to be in it even worse than i already am :(i really appreciate your replies... i still don't know what im going to do... i sometimes wish i had never replied to the message he sent me on facebook that way maybe none of this would have happened! and i wouldnt have to make or try to make such a hard decision lolwhy did the one guy i like have to be the one i cant have?life's sucky sometimes grrr...sorry if the message is a bit jumbles, i just wrote it as i thought...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): also...to the other people commenting. Youre right...no religion ever forbids love. So its not the religion, its the culture of the person. Many cultures frown upon relationships with people of different religions/cultures, even if the religion doesn't forbid it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): I know exactly what you are going through. I fell in love with a girl who is of a different religion. We work together, hang out with other friends, etc. We actually dated for 6 months with only our closest friends knowing about it. We decided to end the relationship because we didn't know if we would be able to sacrafice so many things. She was the first person I truly loved. I still see her almost everyday at work. We are still good friends but it very hard sometimes. I don't regret the relationship, we had so many good times and so much fun. We never fought and people could tell we loved each other so much. It was so hard for both of us when we decided to end it.If you truly love this man, and he loves you make sure you both are willing to sacrafice a lot of things in the long run; because you will have to. Try the one thing I never did; Tell your mom how you really feel about the person. She might understand then. If it doesn't work out, don't get mad or upset. Believe me it takes a long time to get over love. I am just now getting over my love. Someone else will come into your life and he will save you from your sorrow. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (22 July 2008):
 ok one what is your relgion? two are you ment to die alone ? and three it sound like your mother is very controlling.. my mum ddnt mind if i dated boys providing i was sensible about it, ie cinema ice skating maybe a kiss or a hug but nothing serious..ide just like to ask how do you think you were born? seriously hunnie. their is nothing wrong with dating a boy your 20 your sensible so you shouldnt be doing anything stupid..so its your choice to date not your mother. by the sounds of it you should go out with this guy then make a desicion on what you really want..in the end hun its your descion ,.. hope that helps aphex x
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