A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help me any advice or tips! im going to try keep this short, so here goes: i was molested for a number of years in my past. i now have a wonderful bf who is caring and understands that i have issues from the abuse i went through. so my problem is that when we get intimate with each other (him kissing etc my stomach and once my breasts) after about 5min i have to tell him to stop due to the abuse that i cant help but think about. before he does anything i really want him to and it feels wonderful...up to that point. and now last night when this happened i afterwards always shake and cry and get really scared and nervous. so heres my problem: i want to do this with my boyfriend but i dont want the memories to surface during it and i am really nervous to let him do so again but i do want him to. (sorry if this doesnt make much sense). please any help!
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male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (11 July 2010):
If you want to go any further, you are going to have to dig up the memories. Its now become a fear, just like an arachnophobe facing a corridor of spiders, the only way to conquer this is to walk down that scary path.
I suggest taking it slow, get further and further each time, eventually, your reaction to it will decrease with every attempt and the pleasure will increase.
For this to work, your boyfriend is going to have to be very patient.
Have you tried being the one driving the experience. Maybe the reaction would be so bad if you were doing more of the kissing and touching and he did very little. If this wasnt part of the abuse then there would be less bad memories attached to it. Once you have done it many times without ainful memories then he can participate too. This option does not require as much patience from your boyfriend.
A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 it makes perfect sense, being molested is an awful thing to return back to in your thoughts and its understandable that you want to stop thinking about it.
I recommend going to therapy for it. It could help, either that or really talking to someone about everything that happened to you. I know this will be hard for you but after the haunt of it all will all be over, mostly. Of course,you can't erase those memories but you may be able to get passed them so you can enjoy a meaningful relationship with your boyfriend.
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