A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im a 14 an i feel i really want to have a girlfriend. Most of my friends are having sex and have girlfriends and i just feel left out ?? ive never been in a proper relationship before,and also i never feel confident to ask girls out because i dont think im that attractive, as girls dont really flirt with me but i flirt with them.Ive kissed girls but never pulled or gotten of with a girl before so i fear being humiliated by a girl if i mess up when i kiss her or wateva. so ive sort of stopped looking for girls now as i dont think they will like me in the boyfriend kinda way because i always end up as just a friend. please give me some advice Thank you! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): Anon14, You are downing yourself about something you should not even be concerned about right now. I think I understand your language,..nothing changes much from generation to generation. You are not ready for a "relationship" of the kind I think you are talking about. Neither are the girls your age. And believe me, they are just as confused, ignorant, and fearful as you are, no matter how much they try to mimic some movie babe's lines. "Just a friend" is a contradiction in terms, young mate. A friend that is liked and trusted is a rare and valued person. You probably have already noticed that "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" change very often. They will continue to do so all through your school years. Crushes are short-lived, and that is what these are. There is probably some snogging and furtive groping at times. But don't believe everything you hear from mates, or girls. They peobably have no real idea or memory of what they "did", or what happened. There is a lot of silly talk by adults about how much more "sophisticated" young teens are today compared to ..when? (horse manure). I have been a teacher, counselor, and parent for a long time. I was also fourteen, and fifteen, and sixteen myself, though my kids can't invision it.(lol) With all their supposed sophistication, why can't either sex describe or draw a simple diagram of the other's anatomical design? They can't. So how are they supposed to have even seen it, much less done anything of consequence with it? Yes, young girls do turn up pregnant. Too often these days. But it was their colossal ignorance (and the Romeo's) that was the reason. Forget the heavy "relationships" for now, anon14. Just enjoy being a fourteen year old dude and live your real life to the fullest, learning all you can. This a time that will never come again. Use it to grow your brain and skills. That is what it's all about. You have plenty of time to decide what kind of real girlfriend you want. And when are are ready, you will find her. And she is waiting to find you. Be patient. Time passes faster than you think. Tom
A
male
reader, duce00  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Hi young anon male,
I can relate to your situation. I was similar when I was 14. That basically means I lack advice for getting past the friend barrier with 14yr old girls, sorry dude but your not alone! Didnt get it then and not interested in "girls" anymore, only women now :)
As for women I do have alot of women friends, at least half maybe more. They really can be wonderful friends. Maybe you can use the same resources I do when Im confused about dating and female type issues. Talk to your girl-friends. You actuly have a great advantage! They will help you think of things that maybe you didnt before. They can give you WAY better advice on getting the woman you want than most guys. Thats one solution I know will fit your age group.
Heres another post that a 14yr old guy made about breaking the ice with a girl he has a crush on. There are some pointers there that may help you too.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-14-and-i-like-a-girl-in.html
Hang in there young man!
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (1 September 2007):
 I know you are probably going to hear this alot in responses, but the fact is you are still only 14 and your time will most certainly come, believe me.
I remember being your age and thinking how i would love a girlfriend and why have i not got one. But as soon as i hit 15/16 things started to change and i started getting girlffiends. Trust me it will happen. Just don't appear to eager, relax, enjoy yourself, have a laugh with your mates and i bet it will happen when you least expect it, it always does.
Goodluck
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