A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My son is 16yrs old, his father has primary custody of him, but we both have joint custody. My son wants to be able to come to my house whenever he wants, but his dad is sticking to the court papers, only when its my son wants to come over. I don't have money to get a lawyer to get custody. I feel that my son is old enough to make the decision to come to my house. I broke his dad's heart when my son was 4. Thats when he stole him from me, and since he lived with his dad for a yr until our next court date, he got primary custody. My son is a very responsible young man. He is in ROTC and has a job, plus going to school. His dad has 5 other children, plus his is taking mythadone every morning and passes out while driving. my son has to clean and cook for the kids after work. He is always babysitting. He does not get to be a 16 yr old boy. I have tried to talk to his dad, but all he says is the court papers say....Just last night, I called my son and asked him if he wanted to go out to eat with me and my daughter, I said ask your dad. He said he did, then his dad called me saying I never asked him permission to take my son out to eat, the court papers say....Then he told my son he is going to raise child support and get it to where I can't see my son. I am a very good parent, so I know that won't happen, plus if we went to court there is know why he would get custody this time, he has 16 DHS calls on him and the last one has be founded. Please help me, I just want my wonderful son to be able to come to my house whenever he wants....
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male
reader, ice_4fire  +, writes (6 November 2010):
Hi!
I apologize that being just 22 I am suggesting for your concern but I am thinking from the viewpoint of my relationship with my mother.
In this world, the most beautiful relation is of mother and children, everyone agrees to that. However, time to time, challenges are being faced by mother and their children.
Well, being mother, you are totally thinking from the viewpoint of emotional attachment and the feelings are 100% correct.
From the viewpoint of legal aspects, they can just draw a line in relationships but they can not draw a line in emotions.
At this stage, your son's dad should actually understand the feelings of a mother and a son. Now, you have tried and the situation is not in favor...
You need to take some brave steps. Why? Your son is 16 and he may be able to make decisions but there is still a time where you can develop good relations with him.
At this age, if proper attention is not given, it has been seen that such child is mentally depressed due to the lack of love from both mother and father.
In order to make sure that your son have time to time love of your emotions, you need to be brave and need to think a level ahead.
You may once again contact the father and in brave language explain the fact that..
Its okay that whatsoever the court papers are says
Show him that you want to act within legal system
Show him that you don't like to disturb him now and then
Show him that as a matter of fact, you want to have time to time conversation with the boy in order to have perfect growth
Show him that you are not at all expecting from him anything but a "by default right that has been given to you as a mother"
Request him but in a professional manner that it looks like you are just interested in boy's growth which will in turn help a father in coming years.
Show him that nothing else is expected.
I wish this will help and I am sure you are getting my point that in which direction I am talking.
You need to be somewhat smart in talking. Sometime in life, we need to think out of box just for our own
I would like to have your thoughts on this. I wish you all the best with all respect as a mother.
Thanks!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): What you can do is perhaps limited, but your son has a lot of options. From what you said if he focused on making his fathers life a living hell he should lighten up. Not helping with housework, not cooking dinner, calling the police or child protective services when his siblings don't eat. As long as he is willing to play hardball and is willing to harm/endanger others to get what he wants.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): hes just intimidating you! i believe at the age of 13 your son is considered old enough to decide which parent he wants to live with. go down to your county-city building/courthouse and file papers to present your case to a judge. not knowing where you are, in indiana i believe court costs are like $55...i had to keep taking my x to court. a lawyer isint always needed.
oh and he cant raise tho child support! its based on your wages. even tho my x isint involved at all except for paying the support now i was unable to get the support raised.
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