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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My wife doesn't like: anal sex (tried once too painful), deep throating, facials or cum swallowing (the last three only on rare occasions, very rare. I don't need her to compromise and do them all, all the time, but wouldn't it be fair for her to compromise and do one of them a little more frequently?Anal sex, no problem when it comes to something painful I wouldn't really enjoy it either if she is in pain, but irony is she really gets stimulated when I finger her anus while going down on her. I just want something to change it up every once in a while. Seems like we just get into a routine and looking for some spice. Sometimes I think just changing the way we do it would make things more interesting.FYI, I do pretty much everything to insure she reaches the O. She is pretty honest with me when I can't get her to that level, she'd rather just tell me she's not gonna O than fake an O. I'd say I get her screaming 95% of the time if not more.
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Actually anal is not for any one ! No matter how many do it and claim that they enjoy, but most certainly there is nothing in it like pleasing. Anal is not sex organ. It is ok. it feel good while touching, because it came near sex zone, but in itself, anal is not sex organ. I have try it methodically, just to check the truth, I did it without pain, and finally decide for ever that anal is not at all sex organ, because it is only new, and feeling of excitement is because it is new!!! that is all.
If anyone do not find pleasure through sex organ, then he must be wrong in following right method, but to approach anal sex is harmful and involve lot of injury and risk also. I cannot and do not advise for anal penetration...it is ok one can feel pleasure by simple touch only.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I think you all got me wrong. I am not trying to force anal sex on her. We tried it once, at HER request, but it was definitely not the right circumstances and I wasn't prepared and should have just told her no, instead we tried and it hurt and to be honest if it hurts her at all, then I don't want it. No problem, the only thing that intrigues me is it does seem that she enjoys stimulation of the anus, and I do know that a finger is smaller than a penis. But over the past two years it has slowly progressed (at her request) from stimulation on the outside, to one knuckle penetration, to one finger penetration, now to two finger penetration. It seems as if she may want to try it and if she does I would, once again under the right circumstances; i.e. setting, lube on demand, etc., but ONLY if SHE wants it. I just don't want to misinterpret her, but for example, about two months ago while I am stimulating her ass, she says 'maybe I should just let you fuck me in the ass' and the other night while I am again stimulating her anus, she asks me if I can put my penis in her, I thought she meant her anus and we almost had an akward moment, but she meant her pussy. Anyways, no harm no foul. If she wants it I will give it to her, but either way I am TOTALLY fine without it.With that being said, I think the anal sex is obviously painful and as I said I completely understand not forcing the issue, which I don't. But some of the other things I don't think are cut and dry. They are things that couples can compromise on, and yes couples do that. Do you think that I don't do things for my wife that bring no pleasure to myself? Wrong.Do guys get pleasure off of giving oral? Not really, very similiar to the women not getting pleasure from giving men oral. We both enjoy the fact that we please our partners, but the actual act really doesn't bring all that much stimulation. But we do it for our partner. Which is great as long as both sides are giving, not just one side taking.Regarding facials, cum swallowing, etc. Why do women get all irked about it? But it's fine that after giving oral to a woman my face is soaked in cum myself? The difference is that girls tend to juice over a period of time, where guys splurt it all at once. I've never complained about the taste of my woman's juices, even though it's not necessarily horrible, it's not necessarily pleasurable either. Now I don't disrespect her and shoot in in her eyes, or anywhere it would be super inconvenient. Simply saying what does it make your man feel like if you tell him to go cum in his hand each time? On the other hand I am not asking her to take it every single time or even that often, just on an occasion to spice it up.We all have egos to feed. Why does one have to answer the "Honey am I fat?" questions, when your partner doesn't break 120 lbs? Why are guys infatuated with whether a woman swallows or spits? Well because it makes us feel like a man, like you respect us. I am not the only one to feel this way, it's common.BTW, facials, deepthroats and swallowing are not ONLY done in pornos. My wife talks about all her friends in the "Wive's club" and shocking, they discuss these things and I would say it's about a 50/50 mix as to who swallows vs. spits or deepthroats vs. shallowthroats, etc.Furthermore, what is wrong with porn. Me and the wife enjoy it TOGETHER. We never watch it outside of each other's presence but it can add some spice in itself. Some of the things don't turn her on at all somedays, on otherdays they do, it just depends.We had discussions as to how to spice it up and somethings she mentioned were role playing and it actually was shocking when she did tell me she liked it rough. Because to be honest, all these years I have been uber gentle with her, making it all about her. At first I thought she was just saying things I wanted to hear, but now after seeing how she responded to the increase of assertiveness the other day, maybe she really does want it? Doesn't mean everytime though, I know that. But it does open doors for more things.
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male
reader, Digiman  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Other good things to try might be blindfolds/masks, or tying her up (softly, not too tight)! My gf LOVES that!
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 There are quite a few points that she makes that I understand. It really does sound like what you want is something you got off of porn sites. While as a female who enjoys porn, the women in those videos do things that most women don't like to do. They do it for the sake of making money, and they do that by helping their male audience get off. I am pretty kinky in the bedroom, but two things I have said to my boyfriend I'd never do is anal and facials. I'm sorry. Would you like it if your girlfriend asked if she could do you from behind with a strap on for the sake of her getting off? Most likely not. Anal is something that can be extremely painful, not to mention it can mess up the functions that go on down there if done too much or wrong. Fingers are a lot different than a penis. A lot.
As for facials? I just find it degrading and more hassle than they are worth. Most women don't like stuff sprayed on their face, let alone cum. And there is zero pleasure in it for the one getting the facial. And there is clean up. No fun.
So maybe you should cut back the porn expectations a bit. I'm happy that she enjoyed you being assertive, because that situation where you grabbed her hair (again seems like a porn scene) could have ended really badly. Usually that's something that couples talk about doing before hand. So what I would suggest? Talk to her. See what she's COMFORTABLE with doing and what she's not. The whole deep throating thing? She can simulate that by using her hand as well when she's giving you a blow job. As far as swallowing is concerned, you got to understand it's hard for some women to get past the taste and consistency. Again, porn stars are paid to do that type of thing daily. They get used to it. Normal women however usually don't. I think you need to cut her some slack and be honest and understanding. She doesn't know what you want until you tell her, but I don't think it's really fair that such expectations are expected. I would highly advise you NOT to surprise her with a facial or anything else like that. You were lucky with the oral instance, pushing it more without talking to her ahead of time might put you in the dog house for quite some time.
It's kind of like if she had a feces fetish and while she was riding on top of you, decided to just 'let go' on you. Without warning or discussing it with you, and expected you to like it. Doesn't quite work out that way.
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male
reader, Garm +, writes (2 November 2009):
Maybe she should tell you her fantasies and you could act them out--then she might be more compliant with yours.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2009):
 I agree with Gina. Anal is not for everyone. If she is enjoying being fingered, then enjoy it too. Can always try beads and other fun stuff.
To be honest I think facial cum shots are for the porn movies only, I really don't think any women truly enjoys being sprayed with cum in the face.
Not all men taste good, not all women likes to swallow. It is a fact. So what? Oral sex is only good if she swallows? If so, you have missed the point of a good blow job.
Maybe you can find a website with some toys and have her pick something out to try out. You might want to start out a little mellow like massage kits and progress from there.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I meant screaming in the sense of pleasure, not pain.
Sex is great just sometimes gets repetitive.
BTW, I have no problem with not pursuing the anal sex, that is fine.
Thinking further I guess maybe the real question is maybe she wants me to be more dominant?
For example, pretty much our entire relationship I've done everything to please her, neither really being the aggressor, just having mutual pleasurable sex. Which leads to both orgasming, but has gotten more repetetive if you know what I mean.
Well recently I got a little more assertive and usually I don't touch her head while giving oral, I just lay back and enjoy. Well this time I grabbed a handful and guided her into a deepthroat blowjob. She didn't complain and took it like a champ. In fact that progressed in speed and there was not complaints. In fact she seemed happy to be taken control of. It was one of the first times I have seen her appear to be anxious to put my dick in her mouth. It sort of brought out a slutty side of her.
Anyways, she has let me giver her facials before and swallowed. etc. but just not frequently. I've always tried to let her know when I want to, and usually ask. But after this past experience I'm wondering should I even ask or should I just do it? Be the DOM a bit more and see where it goes? Or would a unexpected facial tick a woman off, if she has done it in the past when asked?
Maybe she is indicating I should just be more assertive and do it, rather than asking for it? What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): No offense dude, but all the things you want your wife to do sound directly off of a porn tape. Just in case you didn't know, your finger is smaller than your penis. So duh, it does hurt her.
Bottom line, if it is something that your wife doesn't like to do, then she isn't. I don't care how much you beg and plead. If she said that she gets off by seeing a broom stick up your ass would you compromise? I don't think so. I'm quite sure that with all the things out there to spice up your sex life, there are plenty of things that you all can experience that both of you would be comfortable with.
The bottom line is this. Even if she did compromise with some of the things that you would like, she wouldn't like it. She may even start backing off of sex. It's not to say that she may not be willing to do it because she loves you and I'm not insinuating that there shouldn't be compromises in ALL aspect of the marriage. It has been to my knowledge that people who truly love each other doesn't make their love ones do what they don't like, that hurts them, or is uncomfortable with. I know I don't no matter how much I may like it or want it. When I love someone I put their feelings ahead of my own. There are plenty of things that you can try besides the things that your wife doesn't like. Best of luck. Hope that this helps.
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