A
female
age
36-40,
*lymonth
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, we moved in together 5 months ago and everything is going great. However, I'm from a broken family and have a bad relationship with my father and I think that might be the reason why it is difficult for me to believe that my boyfriend loves me. I know it sounds strange, but if my father doesn't love me, it feels like I don't deserve to be loved by anyone.Anyway, this issue is my constant problem and anytime we have a small argument or something isn't as I think it should be in a relationship I become very insecure and think he doesn't love me and he wants to be with his ex, etc. This time I've been depressed about the fact that I'm leaving home for Christmas tomorrow and I won't be back until mid January. I don't want this to sound ridiculous, but he hasn't bought me any present yet. Honestly, I don't want anything expensive. I just want something that would make me think of him, that he'd give me because he loves me. Even if it costs just a penny... Or a card... Anything. Today he said we would go shopping in the evening, and I think he'll make me choose it for myself, although I said I just want it from him. It makes me think it's not important to him and actually, he doesn't give me any presents anyway, no flowers, nothing. I know it's not that important in a relationship, but nothing in a year? I feel like I don't deserve anything and that I'm a bad girlfriend just writing this here. Don't get me wrong, he's a great boyfriend, and I love him very much, I'm just not sure he loves me in the same way. I've been thinking about his present and been trying to have little surprises for him. I want to see him happy and make an effort. Maybe I should try less. Maybe he's not trying, because this relationship is not that important for him. Maybe I should just care less, cause we're gonna break up anyway, right...? I hate these ideas in my head, but I just can't get rid of this ridiculous chain of thoughts. I know it all sounds strange, but I don't know how to fight this feeling that I'm not loved. And the fact that he's not trying only reassures me I'm not worth it. He knows I have this issue, but I haven't explained it to him in such detail. I think I must be very annoying and maybe he should break up with me. Do you think that the Christmas present situation and the lack of attention I feel means that I'm not important to him?
View related questions:
christmas, depressed, flowers, his ex, insecure, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, plymonth +, writes (18 December 2008):
plymonth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, Crafter. As you probably figured out, I asked the question at the time when all my insecurities were going crazy. I feel a bit better now, and your answer makes complete sense to me. It's just that when I have these 'panic attacks', I can't think properly and I'm just really scared.
We did talk about it with my boyfriend beforehand and he understands and is very supportive, but I can't bring this up every time I feel insecure, because I'm pretty sure I'd get on his nerves really soon. I think it's something I have to fight on my own, but as you can see I haven't been very successful so far.
Although it may seem like that from the question, I'm not a crazy hysterical woman who's sad cause she's not gonna get a present. I guess I just analyse everything too much and search for reasons to be unhappy. No idea why. Maybe it will get better in time.
Thank you.
A
male
reader, Crafter  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 First off you should know that our brains work (or not that much)a bit different. What may seem important you, he might not even think of. So the present thing could be the last thing on his mind right now and not because he doesn't like you. There could be a million reasons. Now I don't know you or him, but my guess is that it all originates from lack of communication. If you let him know how you feel - all the problems, issues, fears - I'm sure he'll be much more understanding and thoughtful. Nobody can read minds you know. And, yeah, don't take the whole "relationship" on a higher level at this point. Until you have kids, you come first in life. So don't go sacrificing your time, happiness and whatever you can think of for someone else. If you're not happy, you can't make anyone happy.I would suggest you tell him how you feel. .Best of luck.
...............................
|
