A
female
age
30-35,
*inkladieee
writes:My partner and I have been on and off for almost 4 years due to my mental health.We know we love each other but he doesn't know which version of me he is going to have to deal with each day, which is why we tend to break up.I am getting help for my mental state but after almost 4 years, I really want to ask him to move in with me.We have lived together before, and it was lovely. He moved into his mothers house when she became ill, but now she is fine and he is looking to move back to the city. I have asked him to move in before (since he moved back to his mums) and I have always had a resounding NO. I understand that he is nervous about my mental health, however I feel as though after 4 years, we should be able to show that level of commitment to each other.I want to ask him to move in again, but I am scared that he will say no and I am worried that I will scare him off by asking him again. I just really want that level of commitment now.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 May 2016):
 I read what Tisha-1 wrote and second that thought.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Rather than ask outright for him to move back in again, ask him when he sees you two living together again in the future, if at all. That should be enough to get the conversation started about the process of living together.
Perhaps he’s concerned about which version of you is going to show up each day when you live together? Has the same version of you shown up every day for a while now, or are there relapses to some other state?
How long have you been in treatment for your mental health? What type of treatment are you receiving? If it includes talking to a therapist, counselor or psychologist, have you asked the mental health care professional this question?
You did live together for a while, and you report it was lovely. Does he share that review of the situation?
Of course it’s natural to want to live together with the man you love; I guess the real question is why is it so urgent right at this moment in time? Are you feeling insecure and uncertain about the future? Could it be that part of your mental health concerns is anxiety and you hope to alleviate some of those symptoms by having him live with you?
I would take your natural desire to want the commitment from him and use that to fuel your earnest and wisely chosen efforts to deal with your mental health status.
Set yourself some realistic goals, with the help of your mental health care professionals, reach them and then revisit the conversation about living together with your man.
I wish you well on your journey to a brighter and happier future!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (4 May 2016):
 A couple thoughts. When was the last time you asked? If it was within the last three months, I might consider holding off.
What may be more helpful than just asking to move in, getting a no, and then asking if he could move in again, is asking what he wants to see from you and from the relationship to him to earn that level of comfort with the idea of moving in. And probably just in general, how he thinks the relationship is going and how it is progressing, with your saying how you think you guys have gotten to a more stable place etc. Having this conversation allows you to not just blindly ask, you have some frame of reference on his needs and your mutual goals. If he says there's just no way that he could ever see himself moving in regardless of any progress in your relationship, you have a problem that may never be able to be resolved.
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