A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to explain my situation. I'm madly in love(for over a year now) with a younger guy. We've been best friends and all and our relationship developed from there. We have sex, we kiss, we talk on the phone endlessly, but he doesn't believe that he's gay (YEAH!) He says he's bi, but I know he's gay. He has never said he's in love with me; he says he loves me like a brother. I have told him that I am in love with him. On one occasion, he liked a certain girl and because of her (I assume) he wanted to stop having sex with me because he thought it would make me attach to him more and eventually I'll be hurt cause he'll be with this other girl. He wanted everything else to remain the same minus the sex. I freaked out, and suggested he terminate everything and not just the sex. He refused and we still, for the time being, do have sex. The girl is out of the question, she was out in a matter of days ... (don't ask why) ... Now, he is seeing this other girl and he's going out on dates with her. The girl in question will be leaving the country in a couple of days, she is a foreigner, but the fact that he is dating her IS hurting me a lot and I cannot handle it. Should I tell him? But if I do, he'll want to stop the sex or other aspects and I don't want to lose him.... I've asked him to leave me for good (I can't leave him) but he has refused ... What the hell do i do? I want him to either realize that he loves me and be committed to me or I want HIM to leave me ... but I don't know how to do it? Pls help!
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (25 August 2011):
 You have to be strong and leave him. He's having his cake and eating it too. Like any relationship, you have to put your foot down and draw the line on what it is that you want. If you want a committed relationship then get it. don't give yourself away and not have truly appreciate it or love it.
I know you love him and its hard to walk away from someone you love. But if you stay, it will make you feel worse and hurt you more. You have to love yourself enough to walk away and know you deserve better.
I promise you that there are a lot of fishes in the sea and he is not the only one that will make you happy.
I think the problem here is often we fall for people we know we can't have and it's a huge challenge us to get them.
could this be you?
Don't sell yourself short and give yourself away like that. Be strong.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Why would you want to be with someone who leaves you feeling so unsure, has a semi-casual relationship with you (are you friends with benefits?) and possibly questions his sexual orientation?
Why does he need to be the one to leave you? (When it does not really seem like he is with you?)
You can make choices for yourself instead of waiting for someone else to decide your fate/place in their life.
Treat someone the way you want to be treated. What would be the best way for someone to cut off a relationship with you?
It is not up to him to keep the arrangement with you against your will.
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