A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I are now on our third month, and was going strong until around the last weeks of June I'm having doubts with our relationship and started fighting her about why she still goes out with her ex who gave her so much pain and so much love as well. She once mentioned that they had a special connection which no one could break, which is practically very childish in a way, sometimes she called me in the middle of the night crying telling that her ex would abort the kid because the ex though that my girl was pregnant because they had sex before breaking up, and she said she wouldn't talk to the ex anymore, just to know that they are still hanging out together days later they fought. I don't know maybe I'm just out of my mind, but frankly she chose me because I was understanding and was good to her when we got together, she was more hurt than loved by her ex. And now my problem is I'm doing the same thing, hurting her feelings, I even ended up shouting at her on the phone, because of my disappointments of her usual things like hanging out with guys who are hitting on her, and her ex who's totally still crazy about her. It hurts you know, but I Love her and I let her go and do pretty much anything she wants. I let her know how I feel, but she keeps on doing the same things. I'm scared to lose her, I want to trust her like before but now that I'm working far from home and the ex and this other guy hitting on her are just steps away anything can happen, I'm scared even though she always say I shouldn't be. By the way she couldn't delete the pictures of her ex on her facebook account and it pisses me off. I don't want to fight her anymore, I just want her to realize that what she does, is hurting me, like I've been saying that for more than enough I guess, she always gets me back by being sincere and always saying I love you and all... She always claims that she's not doing anything wrong, in her terms, she's just hanging out with friends and she's not doing anything bad. I've been thinking of breaking up with her, but a large part of me doesn't want to, I want to trust her as much as I can. Well I guess I pretty much said everything. I'm praying for things to get better. I hope it will. To those who will react on this, may it be negative or positive, please tell me what's on your mind. I appreciate the help.
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 to be honest she probably does realise what it's doing to you but she won't stop because she's enjoying the attention from her ex and other guys who hit on her and the cause of you getting jealous and wanting her to stay away from these guys.
you should break it off i mean if she can't realise what a jerk her ex boyfriend was to her and the fact she still hangs out with him and other guys who hit on her just shows she's not into the relationship she's not ready to be with someone she's loving the attention from other guys.
you need to be straight and honest with her tell her indefinately how it's making you feel she can't keep doing this if she cares about you she'll stop contact with him altogether.
if not then she clearly doesn't care that much about you and the relationship you're in together.
Hope this helps :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
A
male
reader, Ted-ster  +, writes (20 July 2009):
This sounds like an unhealthy relationship for you. She is using you as a crutch to try to adjust, but, as I think you already know, painfully, she is still sleeping with this guy, and she is still in love with him. Cut your losses and move on. Continuing wit the relationship will bring you more pain and disappointment. Find someone else who is interested in developing a connection with you that no one will break, not someone who is still focused so much on her ex, and who is obviously still sleeping with him.
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