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writes: *OP's own title*I met this guy 4 1/2 years ago and when i first met him he had told me that he had just got out of a relationship which she left with their 2 girls and that had devastated him. Anyway i felt sorry for him for a long time,then as time had past by we were seeing one another a lot, having sex, hanging together spending the night at one another house, and now i even started hanging with him and his family. I have been asking for a relationship for about 3 yrs now and he stays neutral to his answer saying that let time kick in or else he wants me to stop talking about a relationship and jus let things happen(which after all this time nothing has happen). He says that he love me,he cares about me a lot,he always misses me a lot and that he doesnt want me to leave him a lone. He has never took me out to dinner,shopping, he doesnt kiss me ,nor he doesnt give me oral sex,but he does uses protection all the time,then he comes up with excuses for why he cant take me out on a date like he doesnt have enough money(after 4 yrs right)or else he tiried or he jus doesnt know when because he be tiried when he get off work but he can go and play ball with his friends. I have been asking him for a relationship and i been telling him that he needs to give me an answer if we are going to be together or not and as i said he stays neutral to his answer and says that he dont know or else i have an attitude and that im mean or some quick excuse.I dont know what to do because i have been having my mind set on him almost 5 yrs now and he has the qualities i've been looking for in a guy like We are both 33yrs old, he's 6'5, very muscular built,handsome,clean cut, single,has a job,a big house and a vehicle.I am so stuck on this guy to the fact that i have left him alone several times and them i still manage to be back with him because im so in love with him. I met his whole family and i be hanging out with them and we basically do everything that a couple does except we dont have that title. Im ready to settle down and he knows that but he keeps telling me that he's not having sex with no one else and that he only jus talk to "friends" on the phone and that he's not with no one else like he is with me. I dont know what to do because my heart is stuck on him and the more i meet other guys the more he still stays on my mind.Maybe i love and like him more than he loves and like me and maybe he's afraid of loosing me because he also says that im different from other woman and that if i need to leave him alone he doesnt want me to leave him alone but he would understand.I just dont know what to do and i have had this conversation with him so much to the fact that i dont think that he'll never want to be with me for real.Someone Please Help!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate- I gave this guy a date to either committee to me or else I can find someone who appreciate me, well the outcome of his answer on September 26,2010 (5 years) was that he's doesnt want a relationship now and that we should be dating first before a relationship if we do end up in a relationship. We still call one-another, see one another,talk on the phone weekly and of course sleep together. In April of 2010 he stop using protection with me,but until September he started back using condoms, I asked him lastnite(Sept.25,2010) is he sleeping with anybody else and he said he did wit one girl.To make a long story short I really had my hopes up high with being with this guy one day, but reality sinked in last-nite when I knew for sure someone else was in the picture. Now I see why he dont want to be in a relationship because he cant choose. Anyway until I find dat #1 guy willing to committee in a relationship with me, I'll jus have my fun being single but still getn my woman needs met.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 April 2010):
I'm afraid you need to move on form this man. He is not going to commit to you, and you're just going to waste your life waiting around for him to suddenly change. He's telling you everything you want to hear about being different to other women, yet he won't commit. Stop being this man's doormat and end it and move on. You'll really come to resent it if you don't.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 You can be a martyr or his door mat. After 5 years , you are not anywhere near the Mrs. tittle and I don't think if you wait for a few more years, you will get nearer that tittle.
You are just like those barnacles which clings on to those support on those piers . What a waste!
Have more self worth and give him a time frame and if the answer is still neutral ,you should accept the reality that this union is not sanctioned by God.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 He's just not that into you.
A man who is in love with you will make you his date, his girlfriend, and then his wife. He won't keep you around for 3 years without even buying you dinner (and why are you putting up with this, anyway?) and he will be proud to say you are the one he's in love with.
Frankly, he's still with you because he hasn't found anyone else better yet. Once he finds her, she will have the girlfriend title. You're the body keeping the side of the bed warm. As long as you put up with this, he will never change. Why should he? He knows you will come running back and you won't leave for good.
Now's the time to start valuing yourself. Stand up for what you want. You're better than this. You are more than some guy's backup plan. Time to move on and find a man who agrees with you, because the one you have now never, ever will.
Good luck.
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