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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months broke up with me. We both loved each other very much, but we had been fighting too much lately, as there were things that we couldn't agree on. We were very much alike, and that is making this break up hard for me. I know it's nearly impossible to find a guy like him. I want a guy just like him, minus the part that he didn't like my past (that's why we argued).The thing is I love him dearly, and he still has feelings for me, but we're not getting back together. He says it's better for the both of us, and I agree... although I still have hopes. However, he talks to me just like when we were dating, or as if we were friends. It's like we never broke up, and that kinda hurts, because he says he misses me, but acts like we were friends or I don't know. I feel awkward talking to him, actually I didn't even want to but I had to call him to ask him about some stuff he has that belongs to me, and he started making small talk, building up to a whole conversation about how my/his day was. We talked a lot, and he said he didn't feel weird.However, he still said some stuff about some things I had done wrong. Although, he did reassure me that I did nothng wrong to make him decide to break up, that it was his own issue. That I'm a good person. That I'll find someone else.However, I'm shattered. My self esteem is on the rocks, while his seems to be just as high as when we were together. What if he moves on first? And why do I feel so worthless? How can I feel better about myself?
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male
reader, macmichael  +, writes (10 May 2008):
Dont worry you will find someone nicer who wownt mind about your past. Dont bite my hand off for saying this and at least give it a though, if you can possibly put up with someone underconfident and shy then they will be so happy that your past wownt be an issue, and also because they cant get another girl then they will never leave you. However with your low self esteem its only right and important to say your gonna feel unresistable attraction to a lot of confident people and in the end these men will make you feel even worse about yourself.Low self esteem isnt a problem for women because men will date you regardless so i wouldnt say its an issue really.just hang in there and some one confident and unfortunately a LOT of underconfident people will come along !!!Happy Dating
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Being in his position of having issues with your past is no picnic. It probably hurt like torture and hell the whole time he was together with you. Every hour of every day.
If he seems just fine now with the breakup, then it's probably because the breakup ended an ongoing pain for him while it began/increased it for you.
It's not that this situation and breakup didn't hurt him, it's just that it has already been hurting him for a long time. Now he's just in a different stage of the process than you are.
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A
female
reader, ozgirl  +, writes (9 May 2008):
What if he moves on first?
I understand the feeling of wanting to be the first to move on and find someone new. Although the truth is it really doesn't mean much. Neither of you should move on to another partner until you are really sure that you have made peace with your relationship coming to an end, and not until you feel happy and stable enough to give the next person you're in a relationship with the treatment they deserve. It hurt's to be dumped by a boyfriend but it also hurts to find out you've been somebody's rebound guy.. or girl.
And why do I feel so worthless?
Because it's really sad to lose someone you have such strong feelings for. The mistake a lot of us make though, is to convince ourselves that it was something we did.. when in reality it was something completely out of our control. Your ex told you it wasn't anything you did - believe him!
How can I feel better about myself?
Give yourself some time to feel sad. Then concentrate your energy on things not related to men for a while like work, school, sport and your girlfriends! Get to know yourself as a single person again, enjoy having the time to focus all of your attention on YOU! You may find you just wake up one morning and realise you haven't though about your ex in a few days - or even a week.. and this probably symbolises that you're ready to start looking for a new guy :)
Don't rush things, just let it happen naturally!
Goodluck
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