A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've been dating a guy for 3 months now,.... he is very smart, very nice, kind hearted ... loves his family, and friends... he gives me a lot of attention... supposedly loves me... and i feel the same, but since we started dating everything that i do or say is like on a watch... like for example, when i get scared i sometimes cuss and he gets upset, and i understand... and then sometimes i would accidently say ass.. and he would get so mad.. and when my phone rings he thinks im talking to some other guy... the only people i talk to on my phone is my mom, aunt and him... i dont talk to other guys or even look at them bbecause im scared that he is going to get jealous... he is jealous coz i talk to my boss about work... i like dancing .. i love belly dancing, and i texted him saying that im going to belly dance, and he asked if i like bely dancing.. and i said yes, and he asked why, i told him because it makes me feel good, it burns fat ... and he asked what i mean that it makes me feel good... and i told him that it reduces stress and it makes me happpy... and he said... "i see, what do you wear when you do? (be honest)" .. i replied, short and small shirt.. why? and he got upset because im wearing the a really short short and a small shirt.. every time i would wear something like that .. he wants me to change it, its like he wants me to hide from everyone .. i dont know if its just me or there is something wrong with my relationship with him ... i always try to do whatever he says.. and try to follow him, but its getting in my nerves.. i will be honest, before i dated him i told him about my past that i use to play with guys and i use to flirt a lot.. but he knows that i've changed and that he is the only guy i talk to right now... and not planning to go back to that because i love him, i told him this many times.. but i just dont know whats wrong with him or me.. please help me.. any advice you can give would mean so much ... thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): he sounds like a control freak! no one has the right to tell you wat to wear or wat to do, if someone truly loved you they would love you for you! if belly dancing makes u happy then he should be happyI have been with my boyfriend for 4months and if i told him i was going to belly dancing he would say aww enjoy not wat will you be wearing! My ex was like your boyfriend and it wont last long because there is only so much one person can take, it will get worse, you either do what he says and be unhappy or argue with him constantly and still be unhappy! when my ex used to tell me what to wear or who to talk to id argue lk hell but that just makes u angry and unhappyI have learned that being with someone should make you happy not worried, anxious or unhappy.Also, theres nout wrong with you it is obviously his problem, wouldnt call it insecure more like controlling and jealous, if you wanna be with someone like that up to you but just remember u should never be with someone u want to change because itll never happen, I tried for a year to chage mine but he only got worse the more i tried to take the control back the more controlling he became
A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Explain to this guy that its boyfriend you want not another father. He seems to be wanting to teach you life lessons... how to talk , dress, act etc. Its not what you need in your life right now and if he can't understand that then you really need to cut your losses. Good luck...xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): What he's doing is wrong and he should stop.He can't go on controlling you like that. He doesn't own you.He's insecure, but he needs to trust you.You need to talk to him and reassure him that you're not going to cheat on him with other guys.If you feel like having male friends than do what you want and what makes you happy. Because you're only dating him for 3 months, and this will get even worse if he continues to behave like that and deprive you from doing things that make you feel good.You have a life and it shouldn't be centered on your boyfriend, having friends and hobbies (such as dancing) is very important too.You need to have a conversation with him about this as soon as possible, and tell him that he can't keep you from being who you are.And if he can't accept you like that, then that's too bad.Don't change that much for other people, it will only hurt you.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Unsparing +, writes (6 February 2012):
For God's sakes you've known this guy for three months.You can't "love" him, you hardly know him, he's a stranger, obviously you already have major differences. Hasn't anybody under forty ever heard of the concept of BREAKING UP when things aren't going well early in a "relationship." Spare each other years of agony, it's not meant to be, cut your losses and BREAK UP so each can look for more suitable matches.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 February 2012):
Hi there. It sounds like he is insecure.
People who are insecure can be clingy and want to be reassured often, that everything is okay.
And if not behaving in that way, they can be very controlling, as he seems to be.
He doesn't want you to dress a certain way and show yourself off too much. No cleavage showing and not too much of your legs on show either.
It seems that he's afraid someone else will steal you from him.
He needs to learn how to trust people.
No matter how much you like him, if he keeps on watching over you the way he does, he could lose you!
It's already getting on your nerves.
There is always some compromise in a relationship, but here it seems almost unreasonable.
He is trying to stop you from being who you really are. Almost to the point of suffocation!
It might be time to sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk about things.
He knows how much you love him, but he doesn't trust you to just be you. He wants to change you.
He either accepts you completely for who you are, or he doesn't accept you at all.
You need to tell him how his behaviour makes you feel and that you are not happy about it.
Tell him that the way he treats you pushes you away from him, instead of bringing you closer.
He may not realize the impact he has on your life.
He needs to be told.
When you do tell him, be kind and respectful, so he doesn't feel you are picking fault with him.
Nevertheless, he does need to be told how it affects you.
The longer you leave it to tell him, the longer it continues on for.
So do something about it now, just in case he actually becomes aggressive or even violent.
People who are violent are very often insecure about themselves.
And if they don't become violent they are just very controlling and want everything to go their way, which would eventually lead to big arguments.
So put a stop to it now, before it gets to that point.
And you need to have a think about how much you are willing to tolerate before you decide you have had enough.
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