A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old and met this guy whom i really like. He is the sweetest and most considerate guy, and i am madly in love with him. I saw a picture in his room and when i asked who the people in the picture were, he told me that it is him and his daughter! He never told me that he had a daughter before, we haven't been seeing each other for long. I reacted by starting to laugh and asking him to tell me the truth, and i kept on saying that he must be joking, he is only 22 years old! As it turned out, it is his child. I absolutely love children, but don't know how to handle the situation, especially after my reaction, i apologised, but is there anything else i can say to him? I really do not want to lose this guy! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): Here you are dating a guy whom you really like and you don't know he has a kid. That really is quite a shock. Some people do what you do when they are taken unaware..they laugh, but usually it's a nervous, edgy, uncomfortable "why-didn't-I-know-this" type of laugh. Perhaps he's feeling badly he didn't tell you. Maybe he feels he should've said something, before you saw the picture. Maybe he fears you won't like the fact he has a kid. I mean, there really is nothing more to say to him. You apologized and if he felt your reaction was inappropriate..then there is nothing you can say or do to go back and change that scenario, hun. If I were you, I'd move forward from this incident and be positive and keep reaching out to him. A relationship is about safety, security and balance. Stop living with the fear that you didn't say or do the right thing. Or this will forever, keep making you self-concious about just 'who' you truely are.And he has to take you as is. Forget about it. Just keep being happy, loving, respectful and honest. Tell him 'you love kids and you look forward to maybe...someday meeting his daughter, but only when he is ready to introduce you to her'. Just because you 'feel' you reacted badly, doesn't mean he's going to not still feel the same about you. Let it go and be happy.
A
female
reader, crazyclemens2005  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 what i think is that you should confront him tell him the truth . that the idea of him having a child didnt seem plosible when he was 22, but that you love children and it wont effect your feelings. my advise is to spend time with his kid and him together fget good with his child because if you do love him than u will have to get to know his child anyways..better now than later.
good luck
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A
female
reader, candy00s  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Just let him know how commited you are to your relationship and be ready to accept his daughter.
Its not like she is going to be living with you, so you wont be expected to be a full time parent towards her.
I think your reaction was normal of course you werent expencting him to have a child.
Just be there and show him your cool with things
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): Be accepting of her. That is all you can do. And think about if you want to deal with a child because if not, you've got to walk away.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (3 June 2007):
 You dont need to say anything else.Just be ready to accept this Child and all the resposibilities of the girl, because since you love him you must love his daughter aswell
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (3 June 2007):
 It depends on if you're ready to be a mother... Now that you know for certain, being with him means accepting his child into your life as well.
DV1
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