A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im married for 7 yrs and i dont know whats wrong with my wife,i think im loosing her and any advise would be appreciated please .since we met she had a lot of sex eperiance and i had none,i was married before her but my ex and me didnt know anything about sex so it was always missionary position.but when i met her she taught me everything mu first blow job was with her and all the other things and i was happy to learn those things ,one day she ask me why dont u go down on me,i refused and after 4 years she stopped giving me blow job,stopped taking controll on the bedroom.i had to be in control but i went back to my old ways she tried talking about our sex life but i told her that she was compaining too much,she use to cry for sex but i didnt care.now she stopped carring.she doesnt fee anything during sex i think she shut her self.i dont know what to do i love her but i think she got tired of me.when i touch shes dry i ask her she told me she lost her feeings for sex.is it true that she lost her feeings,i told her i hate oral but i like receiving it.she said im sefish please what must i do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SecretsSuck  +, writes (2 February 2011):
Ok I am married and a female so I know where she's coming from... You need to give in order to receive. I always go down on my husband but he never goes down on me and he used to.. I feel distant from my husband and our sex life is not great. Only difference is he was the experienced one and he is the ONLY guy I have ever been with... The only advice I have for you is communicate with your wife. Maybe ya'll can work something out but a marriage without passion is hardly a marriage.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 Sorry my young friend but that's practically normal. Women are way different than men. We have a 'need' for sex women just want hugs and kisses after a few years. They hormones dry up or something...now they'll deny it but women just don't need sex very often. it's a shame but that's life!
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A
female
reader, auntieloulou  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I think you need to try oral sex on her; relationships are a 2 way thing. i don't think you should receive oral sex without the intention of giving it. also, this is your wife, not a random woman. what is the reason for not giving oral sex? is it the smell, the taste? there are loads of lubrications, gels etc you can buy to help with that, theres lots of ways round it. i think you need to put in more effort, its not fair on your wife.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 February 2011):
 Sorry to be harsh but you have treated her pretty badly - you have been completely selfish by receiving oral sex and not giving any back, then when she tried to communicate with you about your problems, you told her she complains too much. You have basically ruined your marriage by being selfish - if you had stopped to listen to her when she wanted to talk and tried to work on your problems then you would not be in the position you are in now.
So you need to face up to the fact that these problems have been created by YOU - you are responsible for the downfall of your marriage. Your wife has tried her best to make you happy, but you gave nothing back and eventually, if your partner is completely selfish and unwilling to work on your problems then you will give up, just like your wife has now.
I dont know if it is too late for you, I really dont. You have really damaged this marriage, and I am not sure if you can repair this.
But you must try - so first of all, accept that you have caused these problems therefore you have to be the one to fix them. Go to your wife, admit you have been horribly selfish and a bad husband, and you are sorry. Tell her you love her very much and want to make this work, you have realised what you have done wrong and want to make things right.
Hopefully she will still love you enough to want to try - and in that case, you need to start communicating first of all. Let her talk about how she feels, what she wants in the bedroom, what satisfys her sexually etc. You have never given her a chance to talk about how she feels, you have just told her she complains too much. Talking about how you feel is not complaining - communication is the key to a succesful marriage and if you are too selfish to stop and listen to her when she talks then this marriage will never work.
And if she wants oral sex (and if you still want oral sex too) - then you must give it to her or accept you will never have a blow job again. Sex is a two-way thing, she wants to please you, but you have to want to please her as well otherwise she will never get anything in return. Surely you must enjoy making your wife orgasm? I have never met a man who does not enjoy satisfying their partner! So if by giving her oral sex she is satisfied, happy and gives you blow jobs in return - surely that is a good thing?
If you find it difficult to talk to her then maybe suggest you go to see a marriage counsellor? They are trained to get married couples talking again and will help you with your problems, so this might be a good thing for you.
I really hope it is not too late for your sake, but you have a lot of apologising to do to your wife and a lot of work to do on your marriage. I hope you can see the error of your ways - you are responsible for pushing your wife away so you need to do a lot of work to get her back again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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