A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had an affair that I ended nearly three years ago. I don’t need to be lectured on my poor choices - nor do I justify them, but there are many layers to the complete story. On a positive note, my husband and I have made tremendous progress in our relationship, which has taken significant work. My problem is that even three years later, I think about my affair partner every single day. I am at a point that I truly don’t want to think of him, but I can’t seem to move on completely. I’ve been in therapy, I’ve avoided his outreach attempts. But, still, he’s a constant presence. How do I rid myself of that chapter in my story once and for all???
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2022): Typo correction:
"You may be sincerely sorry; [or] only sorry you got caught!"
P.S.
If the reconciliation of your marriage is based on anything, but your deep and profound love for your husband; maybe you'll live a life of regret, and always pining for the other guy. If you can't release the other man; you might grow to resent your husband. Little by little!
As I've previously mentioned, only time will tell.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2022): Do you regret going back to your husband? Do you wish you chose the other guy?
You'll probably always remember the guy and that affair; but if you ruminate on it constantly, maybe you're not content with the choice you've made. You're only going through the motions, for whatever reasons; and be that the case, the reconciliation will fail.
You may need to go through some marriage-counseling; and get to the root and cause of your marriage-problems. You went back to your husband, but nothing has changed; if you still think of the other man. You may have only gone back to your husband out of guilt, and for appearances. Maybe he offers you more financial-stability? Maybe you just don't like the idea of being judged by everyone around you? That may only be the perception brought-on by guilt; but not necessarily the reality. People frown on cheating, and they'll judge you; but going back to your husband to please others is just a lie you're living. Only time will tell.
Therapy can't help, if you're not honest with yourself. A therapist can't make you love someone you don't really love. Therapy may not make guilt or shame go away; it may help you to live with it. You've made a choice; and you will only be able to live with that choice, if you truly mean it. You may be sincerely sorry, of only sorry you got caught!
I guess you didn't like our answers the last time you posted this question. Keep asking until someone tells you what you want to hear; but you will only benefit from the truth.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 March 2022):
 Didn't you ask this last week?
Did you read those answers at all?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2022): Trust me OP, you are better off. My affair partner left his wife for me, and then was unable to commit to me. He was the same old cheating philanderer who knew nothing about commitment. Or how to treat a woman. He was emotionally immature and emotionally unavailable. I was with him many years before I allowed myself to fully accept this. I knew all along but I was trying hard for my happy ending and I just deluded myself. But the truth is there will never be a happy ending when your happiness results from hurting other people. A man who cheats has baggage and personal issues, and those issues were there before he met you and will be there long after you are gone. He is not a good man, and not a good catch, and you are now glorifying him and the affair because it is back to mundane reality with your husband. Let me tell you something. The honeymoon phase wears off ALL relationships but it is best to hold onto the man you know will not cheat on you or abandon you the moment the honeymoon phase wears off. Married men don't want another wife. They got bored with their wife and that is why you and the affair were so thrilling. The minute they experience real life with you, it will be like a ticking time bomb where you are just a sitting duck waiting for the moment they step out on you because they WILL. Why do you want another woman's husband? He has already proven he does not have what it takes to be a mature and committed partner. See him as he really is, a deceptive, lying snake. Why on earth would you want to invest in that kind of a man when you have a good man like your husband. WHY? You would NEVER be able to trust him. NEVER. You would never be able to feel at peace with him or have a healthy relationship, because no matter what you tell yourself, you are always going to be worried about his charming nature around other women. And to live with that constant fear and anxiety is probably the most self destructive thing you could ever do to yourself, okay? You did the right thing. Stop glorifying this man who is a lying, cheating scumbag!! You are still living in affair fantasyland. No affair can sustain in real life. They just disintegrate as quickly as they started and they are NOT worth losing what is real, and what matters. They are not worth losing your real love. The man who has stood by you through thick and thin. Not the man who just shows up at his convenience with his cock and a bottle of wine, fucks you and then goes back to his wife until he gets horny again! You are BETTER than that!!!
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (7 March 2022):
 This was a chapter of your life that happened, your husband forgave you and now you are both moving on.
You are doing all the right things, you have been having therapy, and you are avoiding his outreach attempts. How is he reaching out to you?. Have you not changed your number since then, or blocked him to that he can't contact you?.
We all have thoughts and memories, some memories good, some not so good that we would rather forget. We can't erase memories, this would be impossible, its just about self control and how we manage these thoughts and emotions.
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