New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244969 questions, 1084329 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I think my daughters' masturbating is going to far.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 March 2008) 18 Answers - (Newest, 5 February 2011)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a older guy. My wife died at a really young age. I have 2 daughters. One is 12 and the other is 14

One year ago I caught them masturbating in the bathroom. I told them it was ok and that they have the right to do that to themselves but don't let other people touch you.

Now just of late I hear all kinds of sounds that have me worried that there doing more the just masturbating.

I don't really want to catch them but it's very wrong if I think there doing very bad things to each other and not stop them.

What should I do????

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, Bestone Canada +, writes (5 February 2011):

You should definitely tell them that it's ok to masterbait, and that they should do it in private. Don't be afraid to tell them that doing it together by actually touching each other is wrong because they're siblings. Don't worry to much though they'll get it sooner or later

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Bladejunkee United States +, writes (19 September 2008):

Bladejunkee agony auntI think you need to leave them be, yeah their sisters, which would make them doing things to each other seem more unusual, if they are, they can't get each other pregnant or anything, so what they want to do is their business. But you should still talk to them about it, and if you feel strongly that they are having a sensual relationship, maybe you could buy them "toys" for arrousel, so they don't grow up being frowned at whenever they see you. But really, they were doing this together with door unlocked, they may be curios, and this is how they are choosing to bond. But I personally see it as odd, and me being 13. Well I'm thought of as a pervert, some guys would praise this situation, but I think the youth of the world is becoming less mature as it get older. No one person can be perfect, but I think I'm pretty close, not to brag, just sayin' it's pretty close.

Your reviewer

Bladejnkee

Post Script= if you agree or liked the advice, feel free to message me.

Good Luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Bladejunkee United States +, writes (19 September 2008):

Bladejunkee agony auntI think you need to leave them be, yeah their sisters, which would make them doing things to each other seem more unusual, if they are, they can't get each other pregnant or anything, so what they want to do is their business. But you should still talk to them about it, and if you feel strongly that they are having a sensual relationship, maybe you could buy them "toys" for arrousel, so they don't grow up being frowned at whenever they see you. But really, they were doing this together with door unlocked, they may be curios, and this is how they are choosing to bond. but I personally see it as odd, and me being 13. Well I'm thought of as a pervert, some guys would praise this situation, but I think the youth of the world is becoming less mature as it get older. No one person can be perfect, but I think I'm pretty close, not to brag, just sayin' it's pretty close.

Your reviewer

Bladejnkee

Post Script= if you agree or lioked the advice, feel free to message me.

Good Luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008):

First if all why woulf you walk in the bathroom when your daughters were in there? I find that very disturbing. Common courtesy says to knock everytime, you never know what they could be doing. Don't worry about them masturbating either, its normal and as long as they aren't doing anyhting dangerous to pleasure themselves it is ok.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

I really think you should do something about this. It is not uncommon for one sibling to force another into a sexual situation. Maybe one of your daughters is being pushed to do something that she is ashamed of and is afraid to get help.

If this is the case (coming from someone who has been molested) this could haunt her for years and may the rest of her life.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (22 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntOkay, loud noises, well, first off, they might simply not be aware of how thin the walls are.

But if they are really doing it on purpose then something really odd is going on.

Has the relationship broken down before? Because I can think of absolutly no reason why a teenager masturbating OR having sex of any sort would make loud noises on purpose.

It just seems odd.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (21 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntWell, you should NEVER have caught them in the bathroom in the first place. How would you have liked it if your parents had invaded your privacy like that? Don't you think your mom knew?

Fathers do NOT walk in on their daughters.

As for your suspicions they are doing things together, it is just that, suspicions.

Have a heart to heart with them, but be really careful not to be to judgemental. Remember one thing, if they are really experimenting with each other, they are at least not doing it with boys.

Siblings often experiment on each other, sisters kissing is just a way to find out what it is like without the risk of doing it with a boy who may not stop.

Sometimes things are however best left in the dark, read the kinsey report on what people do in their youth, it is part of growing up but is far too private to be discussed with your parents. Would you have wanted your parents to discuss your behaviour with you?

Be there if they got questions, inform them about the birds of bees, make sure they always have someone to come too if they need too, but leave them free to make their own mistakes and grow up by themselves.

I know it is murder, but if you want your childeren to ride a bike you need to let go at one point. Just stand back.

If there is a woman you can call on, she can try and talk with your daughters, but not you. Sorry, fathers can't take the role of a mother. Be very careful how you proceed and try to remember that once your parents ignored you jerking of as well. Sometimes it is best for a parent to stand back and wait for things to resolve normally.

Consult an expert (but not a person with an agenda like a priest) first before you do anything.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, alexnds United States +, writes (21 March 2008):

Masturbation is normal, but doing it with each other as sisters is not. However, my advice is to seek a medical type of person,like a nurse, or counselor, or kind old aunt type person or a woman in the family, an older woman, and have the woman have a woman-to-girl talk with them. Perhaps there are some things they would feel more comfortably discussing with another woman that you as a man can't really feel comfortable talking about. If it was my daugther's, and my wife passed away, like in your case, I would have a woman have a talk with them. Also, try to give them separate rooms if you can..and also, try to get the into a physical exercise program, like running or heavy physical sports so the physical urges of the body can be transferred into sports and away from sexual thoughts. Heavy physical exercise I recommend, get all of that tension and frustration out of their body will help also.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The thing is i can't even talk to them about it

because I don't want to hear the truth

Last night they was up the whole night.

They get really loud and it hurts that they don't even think about what I think

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The thing is i can't even talk to them about it

because I don't want to hear the truth

Last night they was up the whole night.

They get really loud and it hurts that they don't even think about what I think

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

Do nothing. You cannot control everything. If they really want, they can carry on without your knowledge. If you keep pushing, you will may fall out with them. There are more critical teenage issues coming up soon, when you will need to influence them. Right now, I would do absolutely nothing at all.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, LIERIN United States +, writes (19 March 2008):

LIERIN agony auntThey shouldn't be doing it together. I think that's the biggest problem that I see here. Masturbating itself its normal ... but this way? Do they have their own rooms? Maybe you should talk to them and tell them that doing this together its just not right ..

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, MBHP United Kingdom +, writes (19 March 2008):

Together isn't really right... Maybe you could speak to a female nurse or doctor or someone professional and they could have a word with your daughters? x

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Stroller United Kingdom +, writes (19 March 2008):

Stroller agony auntTo be totally open-minded - they're not hurting anyone and there's no risk of pregnancy - where's the harm? If your daughters were to spend their lives as lesbian lovers, why should it bother anyone else - as long as they're happy, right?

Having said that, most likely this is just a stage they're going through - they're probably straight and just fooling around. Kids are becoming rapidly more open-minded these days. I think the thought that concerns me is that a couple of girls who could be so "uninhibited" might end up messing around with threesomes just to impress boys or become more popular and (whilst I have nothing whatever against threesomes) I guess that at a younger age this could easily be self-destructive behaviour.

I guess you're going to want to sit them down and have a talk with them. Well, you're not going to _want_ to, but y'know, I think you're going to feel this needs to be done. I would stress that you're not judging, that their happiness is what's important but myself I'd probably want to know if they see themselves as life-and-sexual soulmates or whether they see each themselves with a guy someday. They're probably just filling in time, but the underlying thought I would wish to impart to them is that sex is something to be shared with someone they like and care about - as long as they're aware it's not just a party-trick then you have nothing to worry about.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

I got two sisters and this isn't normal. This may be due to the fact they haven't got a mother figure in their life. They should not be touching each other sexualy or masturbating together. Sit them down and tell them about what you been hearing, say its wrong if they have been doing anything.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

I am 13 this happans a lot. just show them girls masterbaiting and it will pass it did for me.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

You may want to question them as to where they came up with the idea of doing it together? I find it strange that they are sharing something that usually is done alone, when you're that young. It could be some outside source that has encouraged this behaviour...or, just plain sisterly curiousity? Either way, I would talk calmly about the matter and not make demands that could damage your relationship/trust for future questions and conversations.

Best wishes, Gena Bullock

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

I think the best thing to do is just sit them down and chat about it, dont say any thing up straight like "give up" just have a calm talk. Thye will soon realise that what they are doing is seen as "wrong" and hope fully will stop.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

New answers are blocked to this question

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312773000041489!