A
female
age
30-35,
*addy_girl10
writes:Someone please help me! I have a boyfriend (let's call him G) and we have only been dating for about a month but it feels so much longer! I love being with him, he makes me smile and feel happy. But recently there's been another guy.(let's call him D) me and D have been texting and playing like 20 questions and stuff. And I'm afraid I'm starting to fall for him. Today he touched my lower back and inner thigh, and I kind of liked it. What should I do! Should I break up with G because I may have feelings for D or should I just stay with him and still like D?!? Help!
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): if you like d break up with g and figure out what you wana do. take time to figure things out yourself before you hurt one of them and yourself
A
female
reader, caddy_girl10 +, writes (2 December 2009):
caddy_girl10 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I completely understand, and honestly I see myself more with G. D doesn't normally go for girls like me, and that's why I question his intentions with me. I'm starting to think he may just want to "fool" around with me. But I'm not looking for that. G isn't all about that, I mean what guys isn't a little bit. Yeah D does know about G and it doesn't seem to bother him that much, D has flirted with me in the past when I was with another guy! So maybe he is just only going for me cause he knows he can't have me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 When it comes down to it, which guy do you see yourself being in a relationship with? Forget the excitement, the butterflies, the flirting...who do you think you'd be happiest with if you were to have a relationship with...the day to day thing? Imagine yourself in a long-term relationship with G, how do you feel? How about D?
You said that G tells you nice things all the time but D only does it sometimes. People want to be wanted and needed, and when someone shows them they want them all the time, it sort of loses its meaning and we tend to take that person for granted. On the other hand, the person who doesn't tell us these things often, we crave for their approval and their attention...is that the case with D?
If you're going to wait for a while, be careful what you do or say to D...even if you don't do anything, contact with him and the flirting is cheating in a way. If you want to test things out with D, go for it...but be prepared to lose a good guy (G) for someone who might not turn out to be how you wanted.
Have you also thought that D might be paying you all this attention because he knows he can't have you? Have you thought of whether he would actually want to start things with you if you were free and available. He knows about G, right?
If D knows about G, and he continues to flirt with you and touch you...I'm afraid that he's not that genuine about you...a girl who has a boyfriend and is flirting with him makes him feel sooo good about himself, no wonder he's doing all this. Ask yourself, do you think that if you were to dump G and go to D, he would go for it? Or would he suddenly lose interest because you're no longer 'forbidden?'
D is a huge risk. G is safe but might be the best thing for you. Although I don't know you or the two guys I can tell that D has the ability to hurt you.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (2 December 2009):
When it comes down to it, which guy do you see yourself being in a relationship with? Forget the excitement, the butterflies, the flirting...who do you think you'd be happiest with if you were to have a relationship with...the day to day thing? Imagine yourself in a long-term relationship with G, how do you feel? How about D?
You said that G tells you nice things all the time but D only does it sometimes. People want to be wanted and needed, and when someone shows them they want them all the time, it sort of loses its meaning and we tend to take that person for granted. On the other hand, the person who doesn't tell us these things often, we crave for their approval and their attention...is that the case with D?
If you're going to wait for a while, be careful what you do or say to D...even if you don't do anything, contact with him and the flirting is cheating in a way. If you want to test things out with D, go for it...but be prepared to lose a good guy (G) for someone who might not turn out to be how you wanted.
Have you also thought that D might be paying you all this attention because he knows he can't have you? Have you thought of whether he would actually want to start things with you if you were free and available. He knows about G, right?
If D knows about G, and he continues to flirt with you and touch you...I'm afraid that he's not that genuine about you...a girl who has a boyfriend and is flirting with him makes him feel sooo good about himself, no wonder he's doing all this. Ask yourself, do you think that if you were to dump G and go to D, he would go for it? Or would he suddenly lose interest because you're no longer 'forbidden?'
D is a huge risk. G is safe but might be the best thing for you. Although I don't know you or the two guys I can tell that D has the ability to hurt you.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Mr Me +, writes (1 December 2009):
 Sadly we cannot tell you who to choose. Not only because that is your decision alone to make, but also because we don't have nearly enough details to make a judgement on our own.
The only thing we can tell you is to make a decision and stick with it. Don't string G along, don't let D be so intrusive into your personal space as long as you are dating G, stop flirting with D as long as you are dating G (you are giving D mixed impressions by doing so!!!), certainly don't cheat (that includes kissing), etc.
I will say this: if it is the fact that D is a new and shiny boy toy, then I will presume you might always have an issue with this. No matter who you're dating, you might always be attracted to the new guy giving you attention.
...............................
A
female
reader, caddy_girl10 +, writes (1 December 2009):
caddy_girl10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! And I know I can't string along G I'm just really lost, I have know D for about two years. We haven't been very close or anything but on occasion we would text and everything.I think your right I do like the feeling of something new ya know? Idk G says nice stuff to me and is super nice but it doesn't really give me excitment because I hear it so much, but when D says something nice I feel ya know important! Ahh I really don't wanna hurt G because I do care about him and its not fair to G, who do you think I should choose? Or should I just wait for a while and see what happens?
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (1 December 2009):
You have to make a choice. It's not fair to G if you keep flirting with D and letting him touch you.
How well do you know D? You say you've only been with your bf for a month but it feels longer. I think you like the excitement of D because he's a shiny new toy. He flirts with you, touches you and all that and it makes you feel wanted, makes you feel good about yourself. Be careful about mistaking this for genuine feelings for D. Also, a month is not long enough to have gotten to know your boyfriend either.
You may certainly break up with G but D might not end up being who you thought he is and then you won't have G either.
I think you're still young and testing the waters but whatever you do, don't string G along.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mr Me +, writes (1 December 2009):
Agreed with stront. Choose one and be done with it. If you want to stay with G, then tell D to go away: he is doing nothing more than adding to your level of confusion. If you want to give D a try, then break up with G first before doing anything.Either way, you're going to have to make a choice for one guy or another.
...............................
|
