A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i hope some one can help me through this. i got with my boyfriend aug just gone- we were together for 6 months. Just after valentines day - we split up. He finished with me and it really hurt me - but i didnt go chasing after him. I just left it to see how i felt.Last week, we met up and had a chat and we are now back together. I'm really happy but the thing is, while we were broken up, he was at his mates house - his mate being a girl and they were drunk, watching a film, and what he says is that the girl started kissing him and jumped on him. They ended up having sex.I already knew he had done something with some one. So when he told me - it didnt shock me too much, but the thing is, since he told me and confirmed what i thought, i just cant stop thinking about it , i guess it wouldnt of been so bad if it had been a random girl , but for it to be a mate of his, i really dont feel comfortable with it as they crossed the 'mates' line. Does this make anysense?i dont actually know the girl myself, but part of me wants him to never see he again, in case it happens again.i totally trust him and im not a jealous person, but im really hurt and worked up over this. The worst part is, we weren't together when it happened and i know i have no right to be mad at him or hold it against him.Do we have a future? is it worth carrying on and seeing what happens or should it just end now before we both get too involved again!?We talked yesterday. He said he was drunk and lonely and didn't know i wanted him back but i just realized now.i had text him on a Saturday telling him i love him an wanted to sort things out. We wer meant to meet on tue but he fin work late. We were meant to meet wed but he had to go to pool. Then we finally met up on the Friday and he was hungover from vodka, which is what he drank when this girl jumped on him. So if I'm right in thinking this happened the night before we got back together. Is it really worth it? as he knew he was meeting me the next day and how i felt?i'm really confused - i love him so much an things do seem right together - but this is all circling my head and i'm starting to resent the fact that everything i work out goes against him?please help!? thanks xx(Mod note: Sentences do not need to be on a separate line on their own. Please use proper punctuation next time. A spell checker would do wonders.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for ur answers guys - I told him how I was feeling and what was goin thru my head - he totally understands and I think now that he knows how much he is hurting me - we might be able to come to a point of me forgetting it - I told him I don't want to think about it or be upset or hurt by it but it's happening and he has helped me out with it - I'm back with him because I love him and we should of never broken up really...but hopefully all is sorted!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe doesn't have a drinking problem- that's how i realized that it was the night before we got back together that it had happened.i knew something had happened but he told me - i dont know why he did.but all i can think in my head is that if he really did care about me that he wouldn't of done it as he knew he was meeting me the next day - i certainly couldn't sleep with some one else if i was in love with some one. zarathrusta- how do you mean contradiction? i know i cant be mad at him for it cause we weren't together- but that doesnt stop it hurting. i know he had the right ti di what ever he wanted , aqnd yeah whats done is done, but i think what i wanted to focus on more , is that they crossed the 'mates' line , and am i right to ask him not to see her again? as anyone i have asked has said i have every right to , but maybe they are saying that as i want to hear that, or as its what they would do . i don't have sex with my mates- that's why they are mates.and a friend also said to me that if he carried on seeing her as a friend, if me and him ever had an argument or something and he went round there to ' drown his sorrows' who's to say it wont happen again ?! but i know by telling him he cant - then he might just lie to me or it will give him more want to go there as iv told him not too?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): I think he had a right to date whomever when you were broken up, and he had sex, oh well. He did what he wanted to do.
My biggest concern for you is there seems to be a theme here. He is always drunk when he is with women, he is often drunk when you see him. He seems to have a drinking addiction which is a deal breaker for a relationship.
He has a love for the drink and if he is love with the drink he isn't capable of loving you or anyone else.
I think he is a bad bet for that reason alone....who cares about the fact he slept with someone else when you were broken up. He uses poor judgement and uses alchohol as his excuse and you make excuses for him too for the same reason....big red flag.
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