A
female
age
36-40,
*orkieKrazed
writes:Help. I am in a serious state of confusion right now. I moved in with my boyfriend a year ago. We had been dating 2 and a half years previous to that. Total. we dated 3 and a half years. We are currently broken up, and living two hours apart. Do you know how they say "You'll just know who the one is..." well..I know he is the one. I am sitting here in limbo, with my life on hold, waiting for him to call or write. It was his idea to 'dump' me. He is one of those people that is an obsessive perfectionist work a holic, must have straight A freaks...but, I admired that. I just think I got in the way. What is ANYones advice on telling him or convincing him to let me prove I can support him instead of be a block in his way?His reasons for the break up were : that I put him on time restrictions, told him who he could hang out with, was mean, controlling.All of those, I admit to now, and I am ashamed of them...I just want to prove that he is the love of my life and I will do anything for him..Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): I think the advice below is pretty sound, so you might give that a try. That said, I think since you are so young and you have been dating since you were only 16 or 17? that this relationship has run it's course..
You are quite young and this may have been your first love but it certainly won't be your last.
Your boyfriend may or may not have been correct in blaming you for the reasons he broke it off, but remember, there are two sides to a pancake not matter how thin it is, he had his part in it, too.
I think since you are living so far apart, and the fact that he broke up with you, tells me he wants to end the relationship for good and move on, he was not that commited to it, if he does not want to sacrifice the commute to keep it going. I know you think you love him, but trust me, the crap about knowing "the one" when you see him, is just that crap. The reason it is such a popular myth, is that some people do end up marrying the person that they fall in "lust" with, and the relationship does progress into real and lasting love. However, had they not married, they would have lived long enough to find out that there are many "the ones" out there for you. It may take time to run accross one and develop a realtionship, but don't ever tell yourself that you have missed out on love, it just isn't true....and I have lived long enough to know this to be so.
Take care of yourself and spend time with your family and friends who love you.
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (28 February 2007):
 Is that the FIRST time he's mentioned those reasons to you? It's quite sad and unfair for you if he never mentioned them before and just broke up with you out of the blue like that.
At the same time, however, if you guys have had repeated arguments about that and you still didn't change, then I have to say, it is HIS call.
Since you are sorry about it, write him a letter of apology.
Take it as therapeutic, write as many versions of the same letter as you want. ASK yourself WHy you wanted to control him like that.
THe letter of apology you DO send him, however, shouldn't have the reasons WHY you guys should get back together.
Don't write about how HE is the one - say that you miss him and wish you had been different instead. Be careful you don't come off as an emotional blackmailer: http://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pagefifteen.html
Write the letter as if you are saying goodbye - If you ask him questions about whether you guys can hook up again, or write promises about HOW you can be different, it will just stress him out again. SInce he felt constricted when you were there, you don't want him to feel the same way just by reading your letter.
The best move you can make is by letting him go. Let him breathe in some fresh air, hang out with his buddies, come back at any time that he likes. Give him a month at least before you call him up just to say Hi. And even then, don't make the phonecall about whether he misses you or not.
He has felt controlled by you before, he doesn't want to feel the pressure again.
At the end of the day, you CAN"T make somebody want you or see the errors of their ways. You have to let them make the decisions themselves, and then you have to move on with your own life.
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