A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi ppl,i do need some help with this ugly situation i'm in. I've been married to this man for the past 3 years. In the beginning everything was fine and he looked quite perfect to me. After some time we had our problems, caught him in a big lie but we moved on. Although i feel that his past is still haunting me, even though he's not part of it anymore.I'm 8 months pregnant with our first child. When i told him that i'm pregnant he didn't want the baby because he said we weren't ready and that we haven't settled down yet. Basically, I wanted the baby, as I'm against abortion and i thought that this child would bring us closer together. So, I told him that it would be nice if he had to accept the child but if he doesn't we should go our seperate ways. The day after he came to me and he told me that he's happy with the child and he totally approves it now. All these 8 months we had our ups and downs, there were times when i wanted to pack up and leave, and there were times i wanted him out and so on, but at the end of the day he always comes crying back for forgiveness and so on. Last weekend I had an accident in the house and I was admitted to hospital, and there I noticed again that this man is not keen on this baby, he would just come in to get me HALF of the things i ask for and he would want to leave after 30 mins. Would a normal man do that??? Now that i'm back at home I want to change house, because i don't want the same incident to happen again, the house is not safe for us talkless for the baby. Again, it looks like he doesn't want to do anything about it. He's saying it would be expensive and if we do it we can't be able to buy a car as well. I believe that our safety comes first. I'm getting too tired of all this.It all summed up yesterday, when his sister (who he is so fond of) called up and after talking to me, she asked me if i bought for her something she asked for on Saturday. I told her that i have forgotten, and she started saying that i always do that. Its so unfair because there was never a day that she would ask me for something and I don't do my best to get it. I mean I was admitted to hospital on Sunday, and came out on Monday night....how can she expect me to buy it by Tuesday??? The funny part of it, is that my husband didn't tell her anything....i expected that he should tell her not to speak to me like that and not take it as nothing happened. I got very angry at both of their attitudes....and what he said is....i won't let you bring problems to my family....emmmmm what am I???? what is the baby I'm carrying??? I feel that we are not part of his life and it really hurts me. Please can you help meeee......just to let you know that talking to him won't get me anywhere...tried it several times!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): hello ppl,
thanks for your reply, it really matters to me that you tell me that I'm right because sometimes I get so confused. I do have feelings for him, but I don't think I can stick by him if he's not offering me any emotional security especially for my baby.
Anyway, thanks a lot:) I really appreciate
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (28 February 2007):
 i think this husband of yours has a lot of issues to deal with he is very immature and insensitive. he acts like he knows what a family is but he doesnt know the meaning of the word because you and this baby have become his immediate family which means you were suppose to be his first priority not to say he must neglet his extended family but he need to be loyal to you, i also think you are a very strong woman to put up with his crap for such a long time. if he cant be there for you now when you are pregnant and in total need of him do you think he will be there for you after this child is born? i mean this was suppose to be the most exciting time in your marriage but it has become a nightmare.
your sister inlaw need to buttoff and stop sending u for things whilst she know you are heavily pregant. did she even bother to come to check on you after she had you just came out of hospital?
i dont know how this can be solved without you looking at this in a different manner, i see you really want this to work but his heart is not there, if you want to give it some time to think wait for the baby to be born sometimes the baby's arrival changes the stone hearted people to be the most loving and protective people alive. if it doesnt change him still then you might consider getting out of this relationship because its not gonna do you any good to raise your child with such a terrible father. you and your child deserve a proper, sensitive, loving and caring man. and he is not that.
jovial
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A
female
reader, lottiebubble +, writes (28 February 2007):
hey babe having children is a very hard job physically and emotionally if he asked you to marry him i would of thought he was really to settle down and worship you as you are carrying the most amazing thing in the world i beleive it is jellousy from his sister and it make me wonder how much her opinion count on him. personally i think he is scared and jellous of this baby being a parent is sooo much work but rewarding watching there first progresses e.g. smile but the jellous is he is going to have to share you he want be your whole which i bet he loves wen your baby is born get him to do the cord and hold him or her first so he can see wat he has created if things dont get better he isnt worth it you and your baby are more important i know your thinking that you love him so much but thr are sooo many men that would love to be in his position married having a baby he is the luckist man in the world. babe do me a favour look in the mirror and stare into your own eyes and see wat reaction you have. xxx take care
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