A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The woman I've been dating steadily for over a year asked me to help her set up a web page for her family. I said sure. Well, last week, she invited me over to download some photos, etc., while she worked around her house. She had left her email screen up and I became curious. . . alright, I was nosey. I happened to notice that she had opened all of the emails from one individual, and no others - including about 4 that I had sent her. I was curious so I decided to see who this individual was, and it turns out it is someone who works about 1000 miles away for a company that my girlfriend's company does business with. Apparently, they have been communicating via email and phone from work, but she got in trouble for it, so they are now communicating from her home computer. I don't know how long this has been going on, but she's only worked there for about a year, so it has been since we started dating. His emails to her were very friendly and somewhat flirtatious. He wanted her to send him some photos of her so he could "put a face to the voice he has grown to know and love". And she apparently obliged. As of his last email, he had yet to respond to her request for photos of himself. I know I shouldn't have been nosey, but since I have been, it makes me wonder how serious she is about the relationship she and I are having. She's making herself appear to be available to this guy. If she's doing that online, whose to say she isn't doing that behind my back in every other circumstance when I'm not around? I've acted kind of cool around her since I became aware of her online "penpal". She accidently blurted his first name out while we were discussing her work the other day. She said "Blake said I should go see the public relations officer". I said, "Who is Blake?" She had never mentioned his name before. She got red in the face and just said, "Oh, that's just someone I work with". She doesn't know that I know who Blake really is...her long distance secret romance.I'm supposed to go out with my "girlfriend" tonight, but I just got an email last night from an old girlfriend who is in town visiting her family this weekend. She said she would like to get together. I almost feel like blowing off my girlfriend and going out with my old flame. I'm tired of the "You're O.K. for a boyfriend, but I'm sure there is someone better out there for me" game. And that's just how I feel...like second banana.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I got nosey again. This time I got to see the guy who she has been corresponding with. He looks like the troll under the bridge in "Three Billygoats Gruff". So, I'm not threatened. But had he looked like Brad Pitt or someone more appealing, I might have been.
By the way, I didn't meet my ex-flame the other night. I stayed with my current girl and figured I'd enjoy the moment. . . and overlook her online escapades. If she wants to dally on the side, and take the chance of losing me, then that's her loss. I know there are other women who would go out with me in a heartbeat. I'll just go where the road takes me.
Thanks for the responses.
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (4 May 2007):
Get over yourself. You're the man with the boots on the ground, not Blake. Loosen up a little and spice up your relationship. Lower your inhibitions and do something wacky and romantic, and compliment her well and often.
She's obviously getting something emotionally stimulating from this guy that she isn't getting from you. In all likelihood, it is probably because you've both gotten too comfortable with the status quo and stopped really communicating with one another about your feelings.
And for your sake, stop spying on her emails. You're only making things worse for yourself. If you think you have a serious problem with what she's doing, and she hasn't really done anything yet, get out of the relationship. But if you want to make things work with her, you better start getting to work finding what exactly it is that you're not doing for her that used to do for her.
(Oh, and if they've only just started doing the picture exchange thing, I'd estimate they've been flirting online for about 2 or 3 month max.)
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A
male
reader, tyap  +, writes (4 May 2007):
you do not deserve to be treated as a 'second bannana' id recomend u tell your wife that u are going to go out with an 'old friend' tonight so you can meet with your ex. if you feel that you would be happier with the 'old flame' than you would be. simple as that. perhaps try talking it over, but you will end up as the bad guy for looking at her emails. but your not, try and get her to open up to admit to it. then based on her admitment/apoligy. and based on your evening with your ex you can make a decision.
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