A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about a month ago, hated him at first, he screamed player to me, however after getting to know him I began to like him and have slept with him twice. Both times we connected emotionally as well as sexually. I dont know where we're going or if he is playing with me, we both agreed to go slow and slow we are, we see each other every 5 days and nothing in between. Do you think Im kidding my self or should I just go with the slowness for now. We have connected in so many wways he just scares me about his intentions and I dont want to be a bootie call. What is your opinion?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): you say your taking it slow but you have already slept with him, whose idea was it to sleep together, and how do you know what hes up to during the five days that you do not see each other. just because your totally innocent in all this, doesnt mean to say that he is, he could be living with his partmer or any thing. You havent given us much detail but if he really is serious about this relationship, ask him to meet your parents then ask to meet his, this way his parents cant drop him in it, if he is not doing any thing wrong. if he makes excuses then you will know that he is hiding something. good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): If you want to take things slow, then stop sleeping with him, just because you did it twice does not mean you can't stop now....you should know pretty fast if he is really interested in you or just the sex.
You are not taking things slow by sleeping with him twice in the course of a month...here is a big secret men won't tell you, when they are looking for a long term relationship, they really hope you are the kind of woman who won't give herself away too easily and actually turn down sex for a long while until the bonds of friendship and love are deepened....anything else and you are short term at best and booty call at the very least.
Also, I don't think once every five days seeing him is indicative of a guy that is into you. In the very beginning usually people are highly infatuated and want to see each other more often....once every five days gives him most of the week to juggle his other relationships....you know you are not the only one, so why act like it and sleep with him? Get my drift? You become a woman of value if you play your cards a little closer to the vest and are hard to get to a certain degree.
If you are just looking for casual sex, then by all means continue with him.
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A
male
reader, tiger74 +, writes (12 December 2007):
Who is driving the fact that you only meet once every five days? Do you have any contact in that time? I mean in the world of e-mail and text messaging does he contact you to let you know that he is thinking about you and can't wait to see you again, or is it simply every five days a call where he says "let's go to dinner, pick you up at 6"?
If you really like the guy but he isn't giving you more than the once every 5 days I'd say hold back the sex. If that was he was after that five days will probably increase. If it doesn't become a problem and he keeps seeing you then that wasn't the only reason he was coming around.
Good luck though, dating can be such a terrible thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): You guys are taking things "slow"?? Well already you have fallen for a trick of his. If you guys are taking things so slow than how come you have had sex with him twice?? That's not taking things slow. Having sex means you're moving pretty fast. So if you guys have moved so fast sexually, how come he wants to take things slow emotionally?? He got you to have sex with him without giving you any emotional certainty. And to top it off convinced you to believe that this means you guys are taking things slow. Ha! He's good. Not as good as me but he is good.
Well dear, you just got played.
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A
female
reader, shadytree  +, writes (12 December 2007):
I'm sorry to say this but this guy sounds like a player and not in the hot player who can be converted type. You didnt do nything wrong, but you knew what you were getting into, my advise would be to stop seeing him. You'll end up hurt and used. Stop it from happening ! You deserve so much more, most guys who give the player vibe are and dont change. They may even end up loving you, but they are still PLAYERS . why would you need more complication ? xxx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Hi,
I wouldnt worry too much. Though if you do start to seriously fall for him, you might want to get some further commitment otherwise risk being severely disappointed.
But in a way isnt this what all relationships are about? Most fail early on as both parties realise they are not suited to each other. You guys have only known each other for a month, so it's not unusual to keep things slow at first ( although I admit in the initial stages I would prefer more contact than once every 5 days ).
I would only start to worry if the sporadic contact continues after several months, then you will need to question whether he has another life he is hiding from you.
For now I would just enjoy myself.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Its hard to say, but judging by his history,i would tread very carefully. This guy only see's you every 5 days so he's not exactely, breaking your door down to see you.Take it slowly,your doing that now but if you feel that in 6 months time its still the same and your relationship has stayed at the same level,then i think you will find that this guy is keeping his options open. He's probably viewing the other eye candy, be wary, if he's a player then i think you will find him not very trustworthy or reliable, do you really want that in a man? Think about it.
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