A
female
age
36-40,
*nitkum
writes:Some background info: I was married now I'm not. I am in my mid 20s.Anyway I went with my girlfriends to Florida and met this great guy. He was genuinely nice (trust me we did analyze him), wanted to know about me as a person and had long conversations etc. On top he was very gentle, emotional etc and we had amazing chemistry and he kept saying how beautiful I was.I told him I would be going to grad school in the Fall but did not tell him that I was married before or had a kid. I did not lie, just didn't see the point in scaring him off before he got a chance to know me.Even after I got back he sent me IMs on facebook (he was checking to see if I reached OK). I ignored him as I did not want to seem desparate but I did send him 2 texts 2 days later saying I got his IM. He didn't respond so I left it. Then he poked etc me on facebook and I knew he was looking at my profile.In response I sent a facebook message and 2 texts (over a period of 2 weeks). He never replied back. I called him once and he didn't pick up (though he didnot know it was me cos my home # is unlisted )Which of these 2 reasons could it be? I am going crazy trying to figure it out1) He is college in Florida and had 1000s of girls around him and busy so does he feel "why bother keeping in touch with her, shes so far away" and hence not respondingOR2) When he snoped around my profile- My friends have pictures of me when married and with spouse and kid. So he is pissed and thinks I am married??The big question is How can I contact him and ask him why he is not responding??? I know there is NO CHANCE with him but I really wanna know so I don't make the same mistakes with others!!Should I call him and what do I say to make him not hang up?
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female
reader, anitkum +, writes (28 January 2011):
anitkum is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for you input. It was really helpful for me to understand that I was wasting my time over nothing useful instead of focusing on important things.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 January 2011):
As I see it, there are two reasons for why this fell apart so quickly.
1 - Whilst you didn't like to him, you did omit the truth about having kids and having been married. Like it or not, at a youngish age that will have a huge effect on whether a guy will be interested or not. It may well be that this guy got scared anyway. In the future, I would suggest that you make sure a prospective boyfriend knows about kids, rather than omit it. If he'll get scared away, he'll get scared away no matter when you tell him. From a male point of view, I wouldn't appreciate getting to know a woman, only for her to suddenly say she has kids further down the line. I would think she was hiding something. You're better off telling a man upfront.
Or
2 - You didn't get back to him quickly, and he figured you weren't interested. You wouldn't have appeared desperate by telling him you'd gotten back safe. Instead, you probably appeared totally uninterested. Even when he poked you, you simply took far too much time to get back to him.
I think on this occasion, the ship has sailed. Either he got scared because of your kids etc, or he thought you weren't interested. He's gone, and it's probably best for you to move on.
And as I say, in the future make sure a man knows about your kids sooner than later, and also get back to a man more quickly if he contacts you. It's not good to keep someone waiting that long.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): The answer is all here:
"Even after I got back he sent me IMs on facebook (he was checking to see if I reached OK). *****I ignored him as I did not want to seem desparate but I did send him 2 texts 2 days later saying I got his IM. He didn't respond so I left it. Then he poked etc me on facebook and I knew he was looking at my profile.
In response I sent a facebook message and 2 texts (over a period of 2 weeks).***** "
You wasted the man's time so hes off to greener pastures.
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A
male
reader, young_and_confused  +, writes (27 January 2011):
I personally think you left out a third possibility:
By waiting 2 days to reply to his message as to whether you got back okay, you showed him you do not care too much. You say you did not want to appear desperate. How about wanting to appear courteous?
He asked you if you got back okay. You replied 2 days later. You don't see a problem there?
If I were him, I would think you just didn't care. If you call him, you might want to clarify why you did not call back right away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): It might not be either of those two reasons but just one of the many others that often causes these lapses in new acquaintanships between men and women. However, it sounds so far as though you have not gone as far as suggesting he does call you or respond, but kept your messages just casual, and not demanding of a quick reply. Plus when you called him he didn't know it was you. I'd suggest sending a textalong the lines of ' hey, please reply, - can we talk' = and see what happens. Don't feel bad if it is just a case of his life moving along fast. You too will soon forget him if thats the case. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Don't call. Live and let live. This was a fun fling, and it sounds like something that you need a little more of.
I've been married, I'm divorced and I have a (almost) 9 year old daughter; I'm 26. How often do you have your child? My advice? Focus on your child and school- Grad school is a whole hell of a lotta work. Finding a guy will come in time, and when you find one that you are comfortable (yes, comfortable and not feel 'obligated') to tell that you have a child and that you've been married, then you've found a decent guy. Here's a shocker, there are many single dads out there about our age as well... and these typically are the keepers. My concern was with my daughter, and all these horror stories about sexual abuse done by step-fathers. Just keep those in mind when you start dating. It's not something that you can come straight out and ask, "are you going to molest my child?", but something you need to hold in the back of your mind until you're certain he's good enough to be a father and a bf/husband.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (27 January 2011):
You can call him once more and leave a voice message. Tell him you wanted to say hi and see how he is doing. Tell him to give you a call back. If he doesn't then leave it alone.
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