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I really love my second cousin, how can I cope with this?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 October 2011)
A male Canada age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hey people, I posted a similar question related to this but I want new answers. Also, I really appreciate you guys and girls for helping me out and I have a problem. Please don't say ewwwwww, or anything rude. Be mature, if not don't answer it. If your willing to be mature and willing to help me. Please help me.

Here's the story: It was back 3 years ago when I was 13, I saw my second cousin for the second time. When I arrived at the airport , I was surprised on how she looked and everything. She was so beautiful and attractive. When the day passes by, we went out for lunch as a family, and went to the mall to go shopping. Once we got to her place, we had so much fun playing video games like counter strike, contra and other stuff too, and being random :P. Like the weird part is till now, I still remember how it happen and what time is was around. And I felt really happy. :) After that, just the boring stuff not relating to this, I was at Mexico chilling with the family but not with her. -.- After we came back from Mexico , me and my mom's cousin drove off to her friends house to pick her up from a party. All I remember is just having a good time, and watching TV. We were just talking and we exactly got really close, and it felt awkward but I was falling for her and I exactly had real feelings. Around 3AM I had to leave and ask her for her email address but she told me that she was tired, and give it to me in the morning. Here's the worst part, she didn't wake up or anything as I was leaving for my home. I felt really upset, I won't know if it was me or if she was tired. Once I got back home, during the night when everyone is sleeping. I started tearing up, because I miss her so much!!!!!!!! And now, I secretly miss her and love her. But when I was still at California, I felt I was annoying back then or didn't know what to do, but I forgot how I was back then. We haven't communicated for about 2 years, and I used to have her on Facebook but she deleted me for no reason. Maybe because I was annoying or her account got hacked. I wouldn't know.

Now for these 3 years, I had feelings for her, and missing her a lot. It might be stupid but sometimes I tear up over it because I miss her so much. The only simple communication I have send her was a letter when I came back to her place back in December 2010, and didn't had a chance to see her. :(

Right now, I still miss her. Was there something I was missing, was it real love, family love? I wanted to see her but I think she doesn't miss me back or thinks about me. Probably because I was being so awkward or annoying back then, I wouldn't know. Hopefully, I get to see her ASAP. It doesn't matter if it's here in her place or my place. EVEN, if it's email, Facebook, Skype, letter, etc. I just want to talk to her. :'( I have dreams about her, and looking of photos of me and her.

Overall, I think I'm missing something but I don't know if I love her (crush way) or as a family. She's really attractive, and beautiful. My heart is telling me something, I always have an heartache when I feel upset because of her, and I want to see her ASAP! Also, since I'm a good boy :P and have good grades at school, I'm going to ask my parents if I can fly to California for my birthday just to see her. But don't worry, I'm not gonna tell my parents because of her. There's a lot of things to do her expect for seeing her.

But don't worry, this is not affecting my image or anything. And also, it's not affecting my learning at school and I'm a really nice guy. I can't tell my parents this because it would be weird, bad, and I won't be either to see her again.

P.S If I do see her, any suggestions? and also, should I tell her how I feel about her?

Thanks guys, and girls for helping me out. It really means a lot to me. As always, have a beautiful day.

View related questions: cousin, facebook, her ex, video games

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011):

OMG!!!! What happened to you is exactly what happened to me three years ago. I saw my second cousin when I was 17 i hadn't seen him since i was 13. When i saw him i feel in love. We went out as a family with his parents but i was kind of a jerk to him lol i'm mean to guys i have feelings for... anyway something happened at this party we were playing marco polo in the pool and we had a moment..well for me it was i don't think he cared... I haven't seen him since then I'm currently 21 and I tracked him on facebook and I found out he has a girlfriend now for two year. It does hurt a lot but i've tried to move on. I might see him next year but i don't think we'll work out :( It's sad but i have to move on:(

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A male reader, Linton United States +, writes (12 September 2011):

At my advanced age I don’t think I’d have the courage to face being a teenager at all. (Gosh. Do people even say “teenager” any longer?) And as far as being awkward or annoying, I have never learned a cure. BUT I have found out that the biology of cousin marriages is not what most people think. There was an article about cousin marriages that looked at the Iceland data. You can get it for a few bucks from sciencemag.org. That’s the American Association for the Advancement of Science and they are about the most prestigious science organization there is. Here’s the reference. A. Helgason et al., Science 319 813 (2008) Roughly speaking – and look at the article; don’t take my word for it – second cousins have a really high fertility but not the highest number of grandchildren. That would be third cousins. Out past sixth or eighth cousin both the number of children and the number of grandchildren gets seriously low. You may think you are a bit young to be thinking about children, but if you’re falling in love, then you’re making decisions that will affect them. I don’t know what your family might say if you showed them the article, but if anybody ever gets rude, feel free to embarrass them royally; you now have the ammunition. (I mean figuratively, of course.) Biology is on your side. Getting genetic screening before getting married is probably always a good idea, and somewhat a better idea if you think you are going to get criticized.

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