A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just wanted people's views on the suituation I am in.I have been with my boyfriend 9 months.He was with a girl for 4 years before me, they had been split up for about 5 months prior to us getting together.In that time, my boyfriend said she did make an effort to get him back. But not on the scale she did for the first 4 months of our relationship.His ex has been a bit of a thorn in my side. She's quite manipulative, my boyfriend said she always used to twist situations with him and try to mentally confuse him.She still regularly texts my boyfriend and up until recently she was emailing him alot.This doesn't seem the actions of a girl who is over my boyfriend, I don't feel the need at all to contact my ex (we were together a year and broke up a few months before I got with my boyfriend).My boyfriend never initiates the contact, but he finds it hard to ignore it, he's a nice guy and wants to please everyone.We had a huge row lately, his ex is the ONLY thing we argue about. I;m a very secure person and I know he would never cheat on me, but I really feel this girl is trying to come between us, with actions she has undertaken in the past (gone out of her way to find out what we're doing all the time, trying to find the dirt on me, trying to find out if I slag her off etc). I just ignore the fact that she exists, she's nothing in my life, apart form the fact it bothers me she contacts my boyfriend because I think she's not nover him and also really just wants the gossip in our relationship. She says that she is "there for him" if he ever needs to talk when we have an arguement, etc.My boyfriend agreed that he doesn't really need to be texting back etc, which I'm happy about. I just want ot know, does anyone think I'm overreacting?
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female
reader, Cupcake  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 Wow your situation is very similar to mine... my fiances ex even went as far to hack into his email and try to send me messages saying "im cheating on you" even tho he was sitting right beside me when the messages came in... she also would do whatever she could to try and find out what we were doing.. and went as far as to find out the colour of our comforter for our bed to try and tell me he was sleeping with her... she also moved from 45min away to a block away from our house, and tryed to get a job at his work.... Ex's can be extremely crazy... my fiance is also nice like yours and wants to please everyone.. the only difference with our situations is, my fiance spoke with his ex for about 3months on the phone and hid it from me until i found out... at which time he started balling telling me he just felt bad for her and she wanted to try and be civil. I do not at all think you are overreacting, its not fair to people like you or I to have to deal with ex's to this extent. My fiance had to change his number as she wouldnt leave us alone... so far its been 4 months and we have heard nothing thankfully... Perhaps your boyfriend should consider changing his number to, you definatly dont want him feeling bad for her and end up talking to her.. trust me its not a good feeling and im still not over it 4 months later. I also know my fiance wouldnt have cheated on me like she said, and just like you know your fiance would cheat on you. But you really need to make sure he cuts off all contact with her.. my fiance was upfront with me about it all for a long time, till eventually he hid the calls from me, not thinking it was a big deal and trying to be nice to her. You definatly dont want him doing that, if hes a nice guy its possible he will want to help her when she suckers him into talking to her.
I really wish you the best of luck and I know what your going through..
If you need anymore advice or want someone to talk to about this you can always message me.
Good luck!!
A
female
reader, superdopah +, writes (30 November 2007):
not at all, in fact i think you seem very calm about the whole situation! especially saying you know he wouldn't cheat on you. You ovbiousley have a very strong relationship which is completley pissing the ex off, but carry on wht you are doing because she is not winning. hopefully she will get over him soon though, i can imagine it being rather annoying. maybe you should get your boyfirend to change his number.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 I actually don't think you are overreacting. The truth is a four year relationship (including sentimental attachments), does not end in five months. This does not mean he will get back with her, but he probably has mixed feelings about his ex.
When I divorced, my ex used to text and call me constantly, sometimes at 2am. I had a new boyfriend and my view on the matter was my ex was really hurting and I wouldn't ignore him (even if it was 2am and I was in my bed with someone else). To make the long story short, I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex husband (I was still emotionally faithful to my ex) and decided to end the relationship with the boyfriend. It took me about 2 years to completely detach from my ex husband.
I am not saying this is your same situation or that your boyfriend will cheat on you, but I do feel is serious. Have a talk with your bf, see how he feels for her. Tell him that you understand he is a caring and pleasing person but that you feel bad when she calls and he attends to her.
You can not control what she does or how he reacts to it, but try to have an open communication channel so you can have a real feel as to what he is feeling through it all.
Best of lucks!
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