A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Mod note: OP's own titlePlease can you advise me on my problem.I have been very intensely attracted to someone I work with for months and need to sort it out so that I can move on or do something about it.The feeling between us is so intense that I can hardly breath.I know he feels the same as he cannot take his eyes off me, has made suggestive faces, constantly lightly touches me and all the body language is so obviously there we can not bear to be in a different room to each other.We have so much in common that I feel like his twin sister!His voice just melts me.We have both been close to talking about it, but are both shy and probably frightened of rejection or denial.I know this question comes up a lot and the answers are usually the same.The problem is that we are both married, yes I know you will say back off now!I'm not sure he would actually have an affair anyway and that it is all probably making him feel good, as it is me.I have tried so hard to avoid him, working in a different area and so on, talking about his and my families, etc.We are actually synchronised in our movements, gestures and speech every minute of the day.But I don't think I can go on much longer feeling like this, so I want to discuss it with him so that we can sort it out in a way which will not leave us both feeling embarassed.I am not a young lady and I know all about crushes, but I think I really am falling in love with him.It is now getting where if I am quiet with him, it ruins his day and vice versa. and we both leave work feeling gutted. This just means that I can't wait for my days off to be over quickly so I can get to see him again.Obviously I am worried that he will reject me, but I would rather have that and just know.Please don't tell me to back away from him as I would rather be just his friend and live with horrible hidden feelings for a while, than not see him at all. I feel lost if he has a day off!I need some ideas of what to actually say to bring it up without blurting out that I love him.I suppose I want him to admit(reciprocate) these feelings so that I don't think it's my imagination and I'm going mad and then maybe we can laugh it off and move onwards sensibly I am a professional woman and I love my job so I will not leave.
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female
reader, goowes  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 It won't work out unless some one leaves the job. It will mess up someones life. Agree and acknowledge the attraction, decide the most appropriate plan and tell any other relations that may get affected and no cheating and then maybe one risky rendevous but someone will have to leave for it to work.
A
female
reader, princessofGod43 +, writes (30 April 2010):
 My dear darlihg sister...Marriage is sacred and i know you know this but it it Gods ground that He instituted...and He watches over it...if he gives you a chance and maybe something happens...what happens next...you both get a divorce...? You say you love him...what are you thinking...you are married he is married...what if you leave your husband and he sleeps with you but doesn't leave his wife...then what because what is fantasy is less dangerous then reality...if you are a professional his wife or your husband could find out and come to your job..and do you know that many spouses are starting to file charges of adultery...it is on the books...it sounds silly but you could potentially go to jail...how would that look ...i don't know what type of charge it is...but do you think that either his wife or your husband wouldn't be spitful and embarrass you both....if you love him so much divorce your husband ...but i tell you there is a curse that goes along with adultery....the curse you never find what you are looking for or you find something and it's worse than what you had! Please take a cold shower and think over your lustful thoughts because it sounds like soon they will become actions and actions producing sad consquences!! God Bless You Young lady!
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A
male
reader, Who +, writes (30 April 2010):
 OK your question has been here a day without an answer so I’ll try.
How do you bring your feeling out in the open with him? First figure out for yourself what your feelings are. You say you are married and you think you are falling in love with your colleague. Do you love your husband? You say you are not sure this colleague would actually have an affair with you. Do you feel like having an affair with him?
Second decide what you want. Do you want to stay married? Do you want to stay married and have an affair, romantic and/or sexual? Do you want to leave your husband and be with your colleague? Do you understand you will not always get what you want?
Once you have those two thing sorted out, the third thing to do is get him alone someplace where you can talk privately but not so alone it will be possible for something to happen. A walk in a park would be perfect, with other people lose enough to see you but not overhear you. If there is a suitable place near your work ask him to go there with you at lunch time; tell him you have a problem and would like his advice. When you get to where you can talk, start by telling him what you want, so he will get the wrong idea about what you say next. Then take a deep breath and tell him you have been thinking about him a lot, and ask if he has noticed. Tell him you think about him on days off and look forward to seeing him when you get back to work, ask him if he feels the same. The idea is to break the ice and ask leading questions to get him talking about his feelings too. If he does it should be easy for you to keep going.
Plan B is the cheesy old trick of telling him about this “friend” of yours who is married and is infatuated with a man at work. If he feels the same as you (as you say you think he does) he should get the hint.
Note I am not saying it is a good idea to talk to you colleague about your feelings, but you specifically asked how to do this so I am trying to answer the question you asked.
Here is an answer to a question you did not ask. I’m guessing what you really want to you cake and eat it too. You want to stay married, be in love with/have an affair with your colleague, and not have one affect the other.
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