A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband never wants to have sex with me. Our sex life consists of me giving him blow jobs and very, very occassionally he might grace me with a couple of minutes penetration to stop me grumbling.I am sooooooo sexually frustrated and masturbate every day. I put so much effort into our joke of a sex life and really don't know what to do.To add insult to injury, I've found out that whilst he doesn't want to have sex with me, he's looking at porn on the internet.I'm seriously considering divorce as it's been like this for 10 yrs and I don't see how we can work through this. I've bought champagne, tried sexy underwear (he doesn't even see me), bough sex games, books etc (they remain unopened). Other people find me attractive so there's nothing wrong with me. We have no children and if this is it I really do think it's worth moving on.Suggestions from guys would be particularly appreciated - thanks in advance!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): My husband is the same exact way. He had porn DVD's when we first got married and he willingly threw them away because he knew i didn't like him watching porn, but then recently he went and bought more. We have no sex life. I give him BJ's almost daily, and we haven't had good sex in months. A long as he gets his rocks off he doesn't care about my feelings. It sounds like your husband is the same way. My husband has only been like this for the past few months. I would never stick around for 10 years of it. Time to pack the bags and hit the road. There's some man out there somewhere that will find you irresistible and will treat you way better than that jack ass will.
A
female
reader, sophfia  +, writes (27 April 2011):
I know I have the same problem. I wonder if maybe he found someone else. We have had seven childern together which includes 2 sets of twins. But I am not fat and still feel I am attractive. I work at it all the time exercise and trying new makeup etc. I know I am attractive I see other men give me double takes occassionaly. But he doesnt want sex anymore. He used to pull me in the bedroom on sunday mornings He never does this anymore. He doesnt even look at me now. I bellydance and am very good I practice all the time. I really do not know what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): check his computer, phone etc. He is probably watching porn online. I've been married for 10 years and for the past 3 my husband has been watching a ton of porn online. weird stuff too. We might have sex 1 a month.after reviewing the history of his favorite sites and he is online watching porn 4-5 times a week.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): Holy crap lady! Leave his lame ass! There are to many fish in the sea to waste your life being unhappy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): I am sorry to hear you are having problems, but your husband is being selfish if he only wants sex his way and not your way,too. Are you a christian person? Search your self, you should be treated like a princess not spoiled but respected. Dont give in to him for a while keep your cookies to yourself until he understand there is a problem, do this for about 2 weeks or so and until he satisfies you first you won't give him what he loves most,head!!!!!! Lady Rufus
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A
female
reader, BigHeartNLuvr +, writes (30 April 2009):
I believe something is wrong. Do u communicate with him? Ask him to have sex and initiate sex? And I mean intercourse. There are a lot of possible problems and u need to find out. U have been married too long to give up without trying to talk and work things out. U have got to get to the root of the problem.
Possible problems are: low sex drive, depressed, lacks confidence as a lover, lost interest in u, crossdresser, wants to be a woman, homosexual, etc. There are so many possiblities and I don't know about u, but my imagination can run as u can tell. So u have to find out what the problem is. If it is something u can work on together, then I think that is great. Or if he needs some anti-depressants or whatever, get some help for him. But he has to be willing to accept the help and change.
I am going through a similar situation, where my husband and I haven't have intercourse in a long time. I found out my husband is a crossdresser. Shock of all shocks. It about killed me. We are working through it, but I don't know if we will make it. It's taking it one day at a time. I, like u, want intercourse so bad, I think I am going to explode. I have been tempted to have affairs, but haven't.
First try to work on your relationship with him and find out what's up with him. Let him know that u r there for him so that he can trust u so he can share his problem with u. As for the porn, he needs to stop that. That is getting in the way of ur relationship. No one can measure up to that. And we shouldn't have to.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Sorry, in advance, for the long response.I'm sorry to hear about your woes. Sex isn't everything, but it matters. This is a subject near-and-dear to my heart. I'm currently in a male-equivalent situation, though yours sounds a bit worse. I'll tell you my story since it's connected to my advice for you.While my gf and I still have sex, it's not that often, and more-times-than-not it's not very satisfying. She rarely initiates and, when she does, it's usually with an uninspired "wanna later" type of comment. If I didn't initiate most of the time, we'd probably do it a lot less than we already do. During the actual act, she's not that responsive and doesn't really seem that interested half the time. But, once in a blue moon, we'll click and have a great session. Usually it's just with the oral, since she rarely enjoys the penetration--which makes it kind of lame for me too. She squirms and writhes and talks about it after. Unfortunately, that is quite rare.I find myself "supplementing" with porn more than I would like--sometimes masturbating only a mere hour after having sex with her. The almost-pathetic part is that, nowadays, I get especially turned on by the (mostly amateur) videos where the girl is obviously "into it," vocal, and/or orgasms at the end. A couple of weeks ago, I went to bed after such a "porn session," and as I settled into bed, I overheard one of my(female) neighbors obviously getting it good and I got depressed for the next couple of days. She was loving it. It was kind of funny and sad at the same time--like the fates were plotting against me. I couldn't get the sound out of my head. I've considered cheating, and trying to do it with someone in a similar situation, so that at least I could rationalize it as something good coming out of doing something bad. It's not like I can't find someone else. Girls often tell me I'm attractive, funny, and charming, and I've never had any problems meeting or dating quality girls. That makes it especially painful when I'm in the midst of feeling super-frustrated and I then go and meet some random girl at some restaurant or on at the bank that I would normally ask out. You can see how our situations are a bit similar.Mine is a tough situation that I've fought with my gf about a million times, and I probably would have ended it by now if there weren't for the occasional good sessions. Plus, that in my case, I know that it comes from a low-ish sex drive she's always kind of had. The crazy part is that she's told me (in better times) that I was, in fact, her "best." Maybe she was just trying to make me feel good, though I think she said it sincerely then.Unfortunately, you don't seem to even have those few positive things that I still do. So my honest-to-goodness advice is that you seriously consider moving on. I think it would be a good idea to start to get your things in order. You sound yound and attractive. It's too bad I'm not in the UK, otherwise I'd give you my advice in person over, say, some champagne (kidding, of course). Good luck. You sound like a sweetheart and I wish you the best. Keep me (us) posted.
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