A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my long term bf back in October. We had been together for almost a year and then right out of the blue he broke up with me over the phone. I eas heartbroken and really struggled to accept it was over - one day he was asking me what ring size I was (he was planning to buy me a ring for our 1 year anniversary) and the next he was phoning me to tell me he didn't feel the same way. I feel as if I have moved on and have developed infatuations briefly with other men. But am finding it hard. I miss the cuddles and love that goes with being in a relationship and I miss spending my weekends with someone special, so when I do meet a new guy I rush in to things far too fast and it drives the man away and then I get really upset because I think there is something wrong with me. It's really getting me down. I don't know what to do. It's as if I've gotten over my ex but don't know how to act around men anymore. I constantly feel lonely and isolated and am really hating being on my own. I've been crying nearly ever other day for the past month. I've also started to really hate myself because I feel so unloved.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Hello, maybe it's a really good thing "you don't know how to act around men anymore". What I mean is, you say you are jumping into relationships, you fall in love too fast, you push them away, and then end up getting dumped. However you were acting wasn't good for you. The fact that you feel "unloved" because you don't have some guy to cuddle with says a lot about how scared and worthless you feel about just being you. I have a feeling this carries into your relationships and drains your boyfriends and also attracts the wrong kind of guys.
Until you can become okay with being content on your own, this is something that you are going to keep going through in your relationships and that's far more painful than learning to find that love from a higher power, from your friends and family, and from yourself. No boyfriend is going to fill that void for you. Do you have interests and hobbies? Do you have goals in life you are working towards (other than boyfriend/marriage)? No balanced guy wants a girl that expects all of her needs to be met by him. I also have a feeling you are going to be coming right back to the place you are now after every relationship until you develop those things for yourself.
I know this is painful, but it can be a good thing if you use this as an opportunity to make some changes. Best wishes.
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