A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All! I will really appreciate any insight. I have a lot going on in my life right now, but feel like I have romantic needs. I've been looking for someone kind and mature for a long time. I met someone about a month and a half ago. He's intelligent, giving and funny. it seems like he is also a very caring person who has no problem communicating with me. In the beginning he tried too see me everyday and was very very loving. It seems as though things are cooling down though. He told me he doesn't want a relationship but since he was always so loving I figured he just wanted to get to know me better or had some issues he was working on with himself. He went to LA last weekend and didn't call the whole time he was there. When I asked about it he said he was just busy and I didn't know what it was like dating someone on a "plutonic level." I have no idea what that means. He said he only wants to be with me, calls me mama and baby, but doesn't want a relationship. He has even introduced me to his parents. His actions and words contradict themselves, in a positive way I must say. I feel like he is having more feelings than he can handle and is trying to be self sufficient. He has been calling a lot less, and we even went for two weeks without seeing each other. I'm trying to respect his space but it's so confusing. I've tried to break it off a few times but he won't let me. What is going on? I like him so much but I'm not sure I can keep doing this for much longer. So lost! Some light please! PS He says we make love, not sex.. it is indeed very special... don't know what to do... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYOu know... I just found out that he was with two other women without telling me. What hurts me the most are his lies. He told me things he didn't need to and then lied. He drove all the way to LA to see her. I am soooo hurt. Well, now I've learned my lesson. Next time someone tells me they don't want to be in a relationship I'll know exactly what they mean, "I don't like you enough, I am troubled or I'm a liar, an asshole." He lied in the worst way possible. I only found out because he received a msg from his friend in LA while I had his phone. He denied it until the last minute. I had to open up his file and show him. I can't believe it, how can someone be so cruel and lie with such a straight face? Hope the hurt goes away soon, he doesn't deserve it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know, that really, really, really helped! He doesn't want to see anyone else and told me that he would appreciate it if I didn't either. We'll see where it goes, I'm not absolutely happy about the way he's doing things but I'm sure he has his reasons. Thank you so much!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): If there's sex then it's not platonic. Platonic is a word with a certain meaning and a sexual relationship is not it.
I think the million dollar question is whether he is still open to sleeping with or seeing any other women. Lots of people can't "commit" but they can do the same thing by another name. I don't understand it myself but it seems to be semi common these days.
If you and he are absolutely not seeing anyone else and such a thing would be clearly recognized as "cheating" then you and he are BF and GF. Maybe he can't say the words but he is living it. Maybe he wants to have a different set of rules, but he is still choosing to do something with you that is closer to fitting the definition of a romantic relationship than anything else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think that's what it is because we do have sex. I am almost indulging in the general idea that things aren't complicated, we make them complicated. Should I just go with the thought that seems are exactly as they seem? If I do, I will come to the sad conclusion that he just might be losing interest, but isn't sure yet, so he's keeping me around. I don't know... seems like the flame is getting smaller. I'm wondering if I should just stop seeing him in order to avoid getting hurt. This sucks! Someone with more experience and knowledge please help!
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 See, this term 'platonic' is confusing you. Platonic love is only 'LOVE' and love and love without SEX. It is like mother loving her children.
It is good to discuss with him, keeping this meaning in mind, and call for his agreement, whether he meant this !!! If so, then not you, but any female cannot relate for long time. You can consider him as your brother, if you like his personality.
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