A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago. She lead me on and kept saying i love you and how much she missed me following the break up. About a month ago she gave me final closure and said she wouldn't contact me because she didn't want to make things more difficult. She sent me a video message of our love song when we firs started dating and started to try to catch up with me. I kept it short. I'm very in love with her and want to be with her but everytime I bring it up she just says she can't handle a boyfriend and what not. Everything is there, physical attraction, emotional connection, except her will to want to take action at being with me. She's said if she followed her heart she'd be with me but she couldn't get herself to do it. I'm not sure what to do because talking every few weeks kills me because all we do is bullshit and it's so forced and i hate it because we used to tell each other everything and we were best friends. Every approach I try doesnt work. I'm starting to get to the point where I think I should be bold and tell her i love her and i miss her and i always think about her but i can't keep doing this. I may say that I want you to think about this but i can't guarantee if sometime down the road you change your mind. I don't know if saying that would do anything but i do know that if i continue to just talk casually, see each other from time to time, i'm always going to want more and i won't fully be able to move on. Should I be bold and give her all her things back, tell her i'm going to delete her number etc. Something needs to change, and talking to her and 'catching up' every few weeks is killing me. I love talking to her but it makes things so much more difficult for me to move on. I don't think she'll ever want me back until she feels like she's losing me and I don't know how else to do that because we're already both away at college. For all I know she won't mind it but I know her well enough that i believe over time she'll miss me. She obviously couldnt help but text even after she said she would not contact me in any way and was going to leave it up to me. I know part of her still loves me but until she gets the feeling she's losing me, she'll never want to take action at getting me back. I've never given her the impression she's losing me so I don't know what else to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks kc and cinder! The next time I possibly see her will be in about a month. I never freeze up when I talk to her so I kinda thought talking in person would be best and have the biggest effect on her. Over the phone I dont know how 'real' it would feel. I used to make her little things to see her smile and I made one list of why i missed her, i made it obviously when we were dating and never got a chance to give it to her so I wold love to have this conversation and give it to her as i leave. I would feel very contradictive if i told her how i did not want to see or talk to her then all of the sudden said hey next time you'r back i wanna give you something.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I agree with everything you said and after a few days of planning exactly what I want to say I will talk to her. Like I said before, we're both away at school and I don't think that we'll see each other for another month or so. I"m going crazy with this whole thing. I hate having these conversations over the phone because when i talk to her in person, I get through to her so much more. I do think I need to do this soon because of how it's driving me crazy but I don't know if I can wait. Do you think i should just do it in person and wait, taking a risk s he'll actually want to see me. We spoke last night and she said in a week or so she was going to call to catch up. Should I do it then over the phone?
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 February 2009):
 You need one last talk with her - lay it all down on the line. You need to tell her that you love her and dont want to be without her. That you know you work so well together and you believe the relationship can work.
If she decides to give it another go, then fantastic. If she still says no, then you have to cut off all contact. If it gets to this tell her that you love her so much you cannot bear to do this anymore and that for your own good you cannot have her in your life anymore.
Keep it in mind that an ex is an ex for a reason, this should help you move on. But there is no way you can move on if you are still hoping deep down that you can get back together, as you will end up putting your life on hold while you wait for her!
She is clearly trying to keep you close just in case she decides she does want a boyfriend - this is not fair to you! While she is off living the single life, enjoying her freedom (knowing that she has you if all goes wrong) you are waiting around for the girl you love.
Dont let her play these games with you - give her one last chance and if she doesnt take it, then move on and leave her behind. She may come running back after a while but you need to be stronger than this - she will of had her chance but she missed out.
Good luck!
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