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male
age
,
anonymous
writes: i'm having a serious crisis ,in my mariage,and I don't know where to go from here. I really need some suggestion, as I never been so stuck in my whole life,, I'm in my mid 40 es, and around 3 years ago I developed an erection problem. slowly my sex drive was gone as well. I truly love my wife. I don't know what is going to happen, as the situation is just getting worst. I went to the doctor nothing... The psychologist is not sure what is going on. She is very attractive, and there are just no answers. I don't know what to think. I wish ,if she would believe me, that is not her, but she says even with her best intentions, she can't help it , but feel this way. Yes, we do have lots of stress, yes, its been too long now. But if there in nothing certain, and I TRULY don't know, what is causing this awful situation, and not the psychologist , than what else can I try? Is there any ideas, what could be going on, if I don't know? Is it possible not to know it what is wrong with me? Well its so much pain, any suggestion? Please let me know.I need to save a long and loving relationship... Thanks,,
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Go to a different doctor and get tested again. Don't smoke, don't drink too much, eat healthy, and keep fit. If you're overweight then lose some.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Well, Viagra, Levitra or Cialis will help the ED problem, but it will do nothing for the loss of sex drive. Your problem could be psychological, drug induced ED or a hormone problem. I wrote a couple of answers on the hormone problem in this question:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husband-says-we-are-too-old-for.html
There are many drugs that can cause the problem that you have. Two of the most likely are certain high blood pressure medications and antidepressants.
Although I am an advocate of moderate porn use, I agree that it would be a bad idea to introduce porn in this situation. It will just reinforce her fear that it is because of her.
You need to go to a medical doctor and be checked for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and hormone levels to see if any of those are a parblem. All of these can contribute to low libido and ED.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Trying to introduce porn will only upset your wife more. Please don't go that route. If she feels that you are no longer excited by her and then you do get excited by porn, she will feel even worse. She will feel that other women can get you excited and that she is not young enough, slim enough, sexy enough.
What you need is to take the erection pressure out of the equation. Spend sexual time with her that doesn't include intercourse. She will appreciate the touch and affection. Women can be satisfied without intercourse because the intimacy is satisfying enough. When your brain recognizes that you can still be sexual with your wife and it doesn't have to have the pressure of producing an erection, it will open up to new ideas about intimacy. You will learn new ways of being pleasured without an erection. There are books out there to help you in your quest. Do some research. Good luck, you sound like a very good man and your wife is lucky to have you :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): Hi,
My boyfriend often has erection problems due to the pills he's been prescribed. He always tell me its not anything to do with me but at first I found it hard not to take it personally.
We make it work though because on any days when the equipment isn't working we see it as a challenge to become more inventive and have fun. He always makes sure I'm satisified with either oral or a few sex toys and that shows me he cares about my pleasure and still finds me attractive. I'll still touch him and do anything he finds pleassurable even though it doesn't lead to anything I know he enjoys the feelings and sensations. I reassure him that its ok because I know pressuring him will make things a lot worse and it really is ok- we don't need his erection to have fun and make our relationship work.
Never stop reassuring your wife that it isn't her because it is important to hear. Even if you have no sex drive yourself at the moment, recognise she has and ensure you pleasure her regularly. Let her still touch you (maybe a nice massage), kiss you all over and connect with you so you have fun together and share that special bond.
Hopefully, this will make your more relaxed if you aren't expected to have an erection, you'll have fun and boost your confidence with the fact you can still please your wife. The more you relax and stop trying to force yourself to get hard the quicker you should regain your erection.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Jane Dashwood  +, writes (27 July 2008):
It might be a problem related to diet, what you might consider is adding a little zynic to your diet. If you have low zyinc levels it can effect a person's sex drive.
Also consider possible alergies also food related.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 best and quick advice hun one word VIAGRA.. get your gp to prescribe you some get your wife ready and prepared for when you get home heheheheh.. its more than likely stress and maybe you not having much of a libdo doesnt make a good mix..have you tried yourself some porn maybe buy a lube to add a bit of spice.. hope that helps aphex xx
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