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male
,
anonymous
writes: I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 2 years now and i love her. she is 24 years old. there are things about her that i have found out that i cant understand though. she told me one day that she slept with almost 30 guys before she met me. while we were seeing eachother early in our relationship, she slept with 2 more. she tells me that she regrets it but blames it more on the alcohol. we have tried breaking up but the bottom line is that i am happy with her. it is just that she doesn't believe that she has slept with a lot of dudes and thinks that it is OK. she regrets what she did but doesn't think it is wrong. i just think that because she has been with so many guys, she lost a lot of respect for herself and doesn't know how to be in a serious relationship. i believe she is scared in being with just one guy. maybe i am wrong. but she is the type of girl that doesn't like to be proven wrong. don't get me wrong, she is a great girl. she hates the fact that she cheated on me early in our relationship. but whenever we go out and she starts drinking, she has no sense of what is right or wrong. even when she is sober but more so when she is drinking. lately, when she goes out with her girlfriends, she callls me when she gets home so i feel comfortable. i hate feeling like i am on the edge when she goes out without me. she doesn't know how to be rude to a guy and say no when she gets hit on. it like she never learned how to say no. she has no friends that are in serious relationships so she doesn't have any good examples of how to be a couple around her. its obvious why ive been her longest relationship. i am just patient with her, but i feel that i am at my limit. last night i brought up the topic which scared me in the way she responded. that its normal for a girl to..... be friendly at bars. i believe that might be ok but not when your in a relationship. am i wrong? what should i do? i dont want to be a cage for her but sometimes i feel that way.
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female
reader, toritor567 +, writes (20 June 2006):
Well make sure she doesnt have on to many or everytime she does drinks keep a eye on her.And if you love her than u have to trust her because thats what love is all about!!
Good Luck
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (19 June 2006):
 Hey babe
Honestly i think your girlfriend has a few problems she needs to address.. her blaming the drink is wrong when its purely an excuse, yeah sure drink can can be a big influence if you let it rule you like she is.. but she chooses to drink it and get drunk and then things go on a downwards spiral from there.. you are completely in the right to be concerned about her and her behaviour have a good hheart to heart with her ask her to stop drinking before something terrible happens i mean someone could slip anything into her drink when she tipsy and she wouldn't be any the wiser she could be very drunk then anyone could attack her there are so many dangers out there and so many people just waiting to take advantage explain these dangers to her express your concerns then tell her what its doing to you to and your relationship... if that fails however maybe its time to break up with her and she beyond help...personally if you don't trust her to be faithful to you and i don't blame you in any way how can you 2 possible carry on anyhow i strongly believe that one major componant in a relationship is trust if you 2 don't have that honestly whats the point? Babe you sound very sweet and don't deserve to be treated this way :o) A good relationship is all about pulling the same way not you doing all the pulling by yourself. Stop carrying her babe for your own sake :o) love involves the merging of 2 people into a single unit in which both decide their place, mutally supportive nature of the love putting this above their own needs, this really demands honesty, effective communication, mutal respect and when this is done properly can be the most significant way of connecting ( i think this descibes u) then there is feelings of excitement produced by sex, little or no attempt is made to establish or engage in a long term comitted relationship (i think this describes your g/f) perhaps you could explain this to her and explian the differances and try to work on them together if she is willing to cut her drinking out :o)
I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation babe and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (19 June 2006):
sounds like A) this is putting a lot of stress in your life B) she has a lot of growing up to do.Sit down and have a serious facetoface somewhere neutral and quiet where neither of you have been before. Tell her how you feel about her drinking and how it is affecting the relationship. Simple choice - she controls her drinking or you remove the stress from your life. Believe me I know, I was in a very similar situation several years ago - it hurt to walk away but it was as is a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Life is short and we are here to enjoy it - if she is serious about the relationship she will try to manage this aspect of her life - if not, well..you have to ask yourself is it worth it..best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): People put themselves in a situation where they can get drunk and possibly sleep with other people. To blame it on being drunk is an excuse. It IS understandable that the alcohol was the biggest influence, BUT the thing that people often mislook is the fact they allowed themselves to get drunk in the first place.
The word that come to mind is "irresponsible".
The only time I've gotten drunk is with people whom I trust not only with my life, but with my thoughts and my well-being, and those people are like brothers and sisters to me. Everyone else, I might get a light buzz if I am comfortable enough.
Anyway as for you, you can't do anything about it. If she drinks alcohol like a fish and water, there will always be a chance she will cheat again. The only way she cannot cheat is either A) give up drinking, or B) drink responsibly, or C) drink with you or someone who won't take advantage of her and be driven home by you.
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A
female
reader, bikiniilove_xX +, writes (19 June 2006):
i think you have a right to be concerned. i know what you mean by your girlfriend hates to be wrong, but im sure if your really nice to her when you tell her how you feel she'll understand. think about it, theres tones of solutions. you could ask her to stop drinking more but she may get offended. if you are afraid she will, then maybe you could get her hooked onto something else. like another drink without achohal. tell her exactly how you feel. if you let her know you love her to much to see her do things with other men then maybe she will understand maybe she wont. but in the end you'll feel better because you know she knows how you feel. but on the other hand, if she doesnt have any control over her choices when she drinks that means she probably wont even remember the guy she slept withs name! so dont be concerned about her leaving you. if none of these things work, i think you should just try to cope with it but if its too hard for you maybe its time to break the relationship.
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