A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody! I need your advice, friends. I have been chatting with this guy online for 4 months.I am 18, he is 27. We trust and respect each other very much. There is such impression that he is my soul mate. We like and dislike the same things and read each other's thoughts. but our ralationship seems to be taboo. He is an Azeri, and I am an Armenian. As you see we are members of enemy nations. My parents do not want me to chat with him. But I can't stop. I go against their will as i think that there is no reason to be nationalist, that human qualities are more important. And he knows about it and he cares about it too much. but... there is a great BUT... though he says that he has feelings towards me, that i am the girl of his dreams and he would like to marry me, he does not want his friends to know about it. And once he told that his brother is his best friend and he hopes that he will never know about our chatting... it seems he wants to have no problems because of me. Though i can secrifice so much for him and go against everything and everybody. Does he really love me? Is he the right person, my soul mate? Help me please.{Mod note: The title was written by the question asker.]
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Good point, TimmD. I agree with you that two peple united (and many, many more) may help to change, in time, this kind of racism.
However, If this man does really like her, it would be very, very difficult for them to make a life together - let alone date. The point is, would he be willing and able to go against the tide of opposition? Would she? So far, the writer has put more energy into this than he has.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (18 May 2010):
 First, have you ever actually met this guy in real time?
I, personally, don't believe in the whole "soul mate" thing, so no, I am not inclined to agree that this is your soul mate. However, you need to decide if the battle that makes this guy's ethnicity your "enemy" is your fight. What is your personal, core belief in this "enemy" label? Determine that and I think your direction is clear. If this guy is genuinely your enemy, then drop him like at hot rock. If it's not your fight, see where it goes. Be smart though and know in advance that there will probably be harsh opposition to your choice from both sides of the fence. Be prepared for that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): I think you answered your own question. No, he's NOT your soulmate. Not only is he 9 years older than you, he's trying to manipulate you with kind words and promises. He's a weakling. Don't fall for it. Online relationships rarely pan out and if you call this guy your soul mate already, my guess is you've never had a soulmate because if you did you wouldn't call him that.
I know I sound cynical, but I've been there. I'm 22 now but when I was 17 I chatted for months with this guy (he was 25) and like you, I thought I could turn this into a real relationship. Then we finally met up at his house (he told me his family would be there, so I thought I was safe).
Anyway, when I arrived I turned out to be alone with him. He was very different from our chat sessions; the only thing that matched was the picture. He then tried to slip me a mickey, but I'd noticed he'd put something else in my drink other than liquid. That's when I tried to leave, but it turned out he'd locked everything. I'm not stupid, so I hit him, grabbed his keys and got the hell out.
This guy might be different. Or he might not be. The fact he doesn't want to tell anyone about you seems suspicious. Don't buy into it, PLEASE. Don't be stupid and trusting like I was and spare yourself a potentially dangerous situation. I have been practising martial arts since I was 11, so at that age I was pretty good at it already. I think knowing where to hit saved me that day.
Remember, on the internet, everyone can be whomever they want to be.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I am going to have to respectfully disagree with Denise. Here in America it is a little harder for us to understand the whole "enemy" subject this girl is speaking about. Like our racism issues of the past here in America, and I say PAST because while there is still racism here in America it was a LOT different 100 years ago, this affects families, friends, etc.
Previous generations, such as this girls parents and grandparents are extremely against these other nations (or enemies). It's how they are raised and it's completely normal to them. This man could really like this girl, but he's got generations of hate in his society working against him. If he were to act on his feelings he could be an outcast, kicked out, or even worse. Here in America, if you were to marry a man who is a different race your parents may not like it, heck... they may even kick you out. But you'd still be welcome somewhere in America. Other countries aren't as forgiving.
In this girl's situation, there is no right or wrong. Personally, I'm in favor of love. Yes, it would be hard with families and friends... but I believe this is what needs to be done so others might be more open to it in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Hello,
I'm uncertain this is the right choice for you. He doesn't want his family knowing you're chatting. How can it possibly lead to further things?
In my opinion I don't think this will work out based on what you've shared.
Good luck,
;D
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 May 2010):
If this man does not want his family and friends to know he is talking with you, then he is definitely NOT your soul mate!
You are putting so much into this "friendship" and he is putting so little. It's not worth it.
You are only 18, and have your whole life ahead of you. You'll meet other men who are the same nationality as you - or at least, not belonging to a group in conflict with yours - and they will be very happy to meet and enjoy your company........believe me, do yourself a big favor and give up on this one!
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