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I love my boyfriend very much but I hate that he doesn't work and I pay for everything!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 August 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 27 August 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfiend for just over 3 years now and I love him very much but I hate the fact that he does not work and I have to pay for everything. He says that he is looking for work but all he every does is sit on social networking sites all day. I have tried to sit him down and tell him that if he doesnt get a job and help me pay for things that I am going to leave but he doesnt seem bothered. I never have any money to do anything as I pay all of the bills but he always has his money for the pub and football. I have tried to tell him to get his priorities in order but he never listens. I dont want to lose him and I dont want to become homeless because I cant keep up with the bills. What do I do? Please help!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009):

I think your boyfriend is lazy and not willing to work. If i were you I would leave him. Its fine were he is unemployed, but is making an effort to look for a job, but this situation is totaly unacceptable! Love should also be reasonable. I had a similar situation in my past and found it hard to leave, but am glad i finnaly did.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (26 August 2009):

LazyGuy agony auntBut him not working and not paying for anything is who he is. So if you hate who he is, what then do you love?

Do you love HIM, or the idea of a boyfriend/the guy you imagine he is/could be?

People always say "I love him/her so much" and then mention nothing in the following post why they love said person, that makes it sound like an excuse.

"Oh I love him, and so it ain't my fault I am involved with a loser, because you can't help who you love".

True, you can't. But you can choose who you get into a relationship with.

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A female reader, a spades a spade United Kingdom +, writes (26 August 2009):

ok, another point of view, my man was out of work for a while there (18 months), but he's a trained mechanic and done a few homers so always had a bit of cash, while he was out of work i pretty much paid everything, even when the window cleaner came he would ask me for the money.

so one day i flipped, told him that i couln't do it anymore, it was making me resent him and i didn't want to feel like that because i loved him so much.

things changed. he started trying to give me whatever he could for the bills, cooked me dinner for coming home and tried to make a fuss even though he didn't have much money.

it really made a difference, i didn't feel like i was keeping him or having to look afetr him anymore, even though the moeny situation didn't change drastically.

now he's back in work and pays his half, and also still tries to make it up to me.

i think it depends on the guys, my man says now i really bruised his ego with the things i said and you know what, he says he wouldn't change things cos he'd rather have a bruised ego than have lost me.

i reckon you should do the same thing, it mihgt work, it might not, but you can't keep up the way you're going. you need a balance but it doesnt necessarily have to be about equal money.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009):

I am in that very predicament now. I am with a woman I love very very much, and she cant seem to work. I work 65 hrs a week to try to cover all of our expenses, and when I come home not even the house is clean.. its very depressing and makes you feel unappreciated.

What you should do, is lay it all on the line. Say look, I am sick of covering this for you, I am not going to be played victim. You have a week to find something to bring in some money or I am out.

Dont be victimized it does sound as though you are being a little taken for granted.

Hope that works

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