A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is planning on proposing to me next month. We live together in his house, with his two kids who I love dearly. Here's the problem - his best friend is 31 years old, and just got a DUI and will be losing his license and will have to pay thousands of dollars in fees associated with it. He will most likely have to sell his house in order to pay for it. SO, my soon to be fiance suggested that he live with us if it comes down to it (which will most likely happen, he's been hurting financially for a while) ... until he gets back on his feet.As if that isn't bad enough, he suggested that I take his friend to and from work because I have the most flexible work hours, and it "would only take an extra hour" each day. I love my boyfriend, love our life together and have been looking forward to the future. I don't think I should have to pay for his friends mistake. I am totally against drinking and driving, and excessive alcohol drinking in general. His friend is basically an alcoholic, and my boyfriend only drinks when he comes over and will drink himself silly to catch up to his friend who can finish off a 12 pack in one sitting.I warned him that this could be a deal breaker for me if he takes him in. He is even considering putting off purchasing my engagement ring to help his friend out. (His friend has two vehicles, and is refusing to sell one of them... he could get money right there!!)I've tried addressing my concern with my boyfriend, but I get told I am inconsiderate. He says he is his best friend and they have always been there for each other. What do you suggest I do??
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 July 2010):
 I was formulating an answer, but after reading what CaringGuy wrote, I don't think I could say anything better.
Ultimately, my philosophy is to help those who help themselves. If a buddy is in need, he can definitely crash at my place, but he needs to make steps to help himself. Keeping 2 cars that he can't legally drive after a DWI is the opposite of that. How bad could his times really be if he can afford to keep those?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 July 2010):
It was when you said he was thinking about putting off buying the engagement ring that I knew you'd picked a lemon. It's one thing to be there in terms of offering a spare room, but totally another to suggest that you can wait for your ring, you can take him to work and so on. I think if he picks his best friend and chooses to not buy the ring, and also to just continue to claim you're inconsiderate and not listen to a word you say, it's safe to assume that he never will and this will be your life with him.
I say that his friend can sell one of his cars before you even consider helping. If he won't, then don't allow him through the door. If your boyfriend then chooses his drunken friend who broke the law over you, then end it.
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