A
female
age
41-50,
*avegrl41
writes:I've been dating this guy since August of 2006. We've lived together since November of 2006. We've known each other since elementary, and just prior to our dating that August, his girlfriend of 13 years broke up with him. We did jump into our relationship quickly after that, but at the same time, he cheated on her with me off and on for the last 8 years of his relationship with her. Part of the reason was that him and her had a problem with sex. She didn't want it, and they would sometimes go up to a year without. In the beginning of our "real" relationship, we had problems with him still talking to her, still being in love with her, and he would tell her that he wanted to work things out with her. Then the problems stopped and I thought everything was ok. Then today, almost a year later, I find out that he's been emailing her back and forth from work, and that he still tells her that he longs for her every day. Now.. he has acted with the utmost of sincerity with me for the last 6 months or so, and tells me that he loves me all of the time. We DO have a good relationship most of the time, and we have a lot in common. Our sex life is what one would almost call perfect, and we have talked of plans for the future (such as already having a name picked out if we were to ever have a son, and knowing pretty much how our wedding will be). Lately we've been arguing a lot though, and now that I know about the emails, I don't know what to do. I came across the emails in a not so honest way, and I know that I cannot tell him that I know of them. No matter how much he says he loves me, I believe everything would be over if he found out I knew. I don't know what to do. I love him with every bit of my soul, even though I'm constantly getting my feelings hurt.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MR C  +, writes (13 February 2009):
Ok this is a really touchy subject because of the feelings you have for him. There are so many questions you have to ask yourself.
1. How long do you think his e-mails are going to go on?
2. Will e-mails evolve to private encounters.
3. Will it hurt more the longer you hang on.
I have seen this happen before but can't give you advice from personal experience. I however have to disagree with Laura1318 on this one. You can't hide whats bothering you.
The most important elements in a relationship are being avoided here. Where's the Honesty on his part, Where's the communication on yours. Fidelity?? An e-mail is another way of cheating. He's with you but expressing his love and his yearning to someone else.
I'm no Dr. Phil but I can see here that it's time you and him sat down and practiced a little of the honesty and communication I just mentioned above and you have to make it clear to him that this is really hurting your feelings. If he really does love you then he will understand and comply with what you are asking him to do! If he can't do that, then maybe it's time you let him go back to his 13 year relationship! It will hurt for some time but not as long as if you carry this on the way you are now. :O)))))
Hope I helped a bit.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Sorry but i just couldnt keep with someone who has been 'slyly' in touch with their ex, telling her that he longs for her everyday. Well, i would tell him to buggar off back to her if she is so bloody good!! Sorry, but i would never be made a mug of again, and i have been in the past and this is just what he is doing to you. How can you think of marrying someone who is doing this behind your back? Tell him to get stuffed!!!!!!!!
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Keep that secret locked and throw the key away .No one has to know and do not mention it or give any hints to him.
What happened in the past , let it fade from your memory.
Live in the present.
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