A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for 21 months and we have been living together for 19 of them..(some might say it was too soon and I do agree but what's done is done..)..we're both in university..i'm 24, he's 20. We've been having a lot of fights lately..and sometimes i feel like he doesn't care about me. When i cry, he gets frustrated with me, even if what i'm crying about is that i miss him, while we're apart. I try not to cry when he's around or at least try to not let him see or hear me..so that i can pretend that he doesn't console me because he doesn't know, not because he doesn't care. I love him a lot..and he tells me he loves me too. I would do anything for him and i have tried to help him out in every single thing..but, you know..sometimes i need sensitivity from him..i need someone who'll do nice and sweet things for me that'll make me feel loved. I have been so upset the last two days..i've just been crying n crying at the drop of a hat..and i'm not sure why..the last time i cried so much was when i was going through a break up..i'm visiting my parents for 2 weeks..and before i left we'd had a fight and then he spent so much time outside with his friends that i thought he didn't even wanna make up before i left so i had to do it..today i was getting worried about what's gonna happen when he parties there without me but when i tried talking to him about it, he got mad that i thought he was like other guys, when he knows it's true that he's been a player in the past, cheating on girls, two-timing them..sleeping with random girls..in fact, even his sister tells me she understands why i'd be worried because she knows exactly what he's like..I don't know what to do..i love him so much..but i need more from him..i need to feel the love too..and not just in his words,..but i don't know what to do about it..please help..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Hi,I think that you need to trust him to make his own choices, and brace yourself for the worst in the situation. It seems you are at an emotional place more advanced than him at this point, and you can either let him grow at his own rate, or the relationship will ultimately fail anyway. Just have patience, and everything will work out -- you will either have a good relationship, or at least be good friends afterward and not endure a miserable relationship with a constant feeling of bitterness.
A
female
reader, Loobie  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 The trouble with a lot of 20 year old guys is that they have the emotional maturity of a 3 year old. He is barely out of his teens and in a relatively long term relationship and may find that hard to deal with. He's been a player in the past and may well miss that, the thrill of the chase the flirting etc etc that many of his mates are still enjoying. University is a time for spreading your wings and finding your own identity away from that strict parental eye, perhaps he feels he is missing out. Talk to him but be prepared for answers you may not like, he may well love you, but not be ready for a commitment, you may have to let him spread his wings.
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A
female
reader, in love and confused  +, writes (20 August 2007):
Hi, i know excetly where you are coming from, i have been with my boyfriend nearly four years and no matter what i do he never seems to know the right words to say or the right things to do. All i want to know that he can be there when i need him. i know he loves me but i think that some men find it hard to show it. i really hope you sort things out.
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