A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 6 months!I've not been happy for about a month as we work together and spend all out free time together, it's getting a bit full on, I haven't seen the girls for ages and he makes me feel bad when I say I want to go out with them! I tried to end it last week, and we went to bed (I slept on the sofa till around 7am but woke up freezing and got in bed) he was awake and I didn't really say anything to him other than I was cold and could I get in to warm up. I fell back to sleep and when I woke up it was like the past 24 hours hadn't happened, he never mentioned the fact that u broke it off the night before he was talking about the plans we had made for next weekend, I explained I still felt the same way but he told me I didn't mean it and that he was there for me! How can I show him I want a break and sort my life out, I want to move out my mums house and get my own independence and he says I won't want him when i do! I love him but I'm feeling suffocated by him! Please help!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 why do you need his permission?
I send my hubby an email with the information 'reminder I am having dinner with so and so"
and then the date and time in the body of the text.
I put all my girl stuff on our joint calendar so he can see it.
and i don't ASK permission to go do stuff with my friends I TELL HIM. I do it during the week however...
weekends if i want to do something I ASK because weekends are our time..
if you want to move back to mom's just pack up and go
and tell him "I have to do this I'm not leaving you, just this place... let's have dinner on such and such a night and talk"
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 August 2013):
It's his insecurity that's causing this. If he says that you won't want him if you move out, tell him that if he continues suffocating you that you won't want him either way. People all need space, and there's nothing wrong with that.
If he says something that indicates he doesn't trust you, ask him what you've ever done to deserve his distrust. If he can't name anything then tell him he needs to trust you or you're leaving.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (29 August 2013):
 You've only been going out 6 months, that's not forever.You live with your mum and want to move out, that's cool and very understandable for a woman your age.He says you "won't want him when you do", well you don't want him now, you ended it but didn't have the strength to follow it through.If you feel suffocated now imagine how you'll feel if you stay another 6 months from now, it's not going to get better.If he really loved you he wouldn't want to clip your wings and prevent you from flying, he would let you soar into the sky and allow you to be everything you are and ever wanted to be. He would support and encourage you and you would do the same for him.I'm sure he's very nice but he's obviously needy and insecure and only he can address this. It's not fair that he should hold you back just because he's too scared to fly.Go and live your life, spend time with your friends and fulfil your dreams.Good luck AB x
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 August 2013):
 My question is, why aren't you being more firm?
If he didn't act like you broke up with him, why didn't you act like you did? And when he said that you didn't mean it, why didn't you insist that you did?
If you want a break, then you need to be firm and end things. If he says it's not over, tell it is. When he calls, don't pick up. Don't let him play these mind games and put words into your mouth.
It sounds like you know that you two need to break up - you need to live your life and find out who you are. Don't be controlled by this guy. Good luck, sweet!
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