A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So right to it. there's this girl who I took for big big granted. I've always bee pretty much a player so I didn't have to worry about losing girls unless I decided I didn't want them around. This one girl got sick of my crap and doesn't give a crap about me. Usually that wouldn't bother me but it's weird because it bothers me. This isn't like me. I never gave a crap or got jealous if a girl I was hanging with didn't want stay around. I got into the habit of sexing a girl until the next one came along. I can't get this one girl out of my system. I've been trying to shake her and make her chase me like the old days. My buddies keep telling me to forget about her because she pretty much hates me from crapping on her. I haven't told any girl I love her but I feel like I love this girl and I wanna ask her to go out with me. I've had a lot of girls but not a girl like her. What can I do to get her to talk to me. I want to tell her I'm not mad because she pretty much hates me and that I want to prove to her that I can be right by her. I bought a ring for her that's how much she means to me. I was saving the money for a ski jet but I want her to be my girl much more than getting a stupid ski jet. When I think of being her husband and taking good care of her and having kids with her it makes me push my chest out and get the biggest smile. I can't believe I'm talking like this but that's how I feel with this girl. I know it's a long shot but I'm not going to be a wimp and go out without fighting for this girl because she's the only girl that has me all to herself. I love that girl something terrible. I'm going to send her flowers and a poem on valentines day from a secret admirer. Is this a good start? I love that girl something terrible and she don't know it because I was a asshole with her. Don't say I want her because another dude's with her because she's talking to a dude because that's not it. I loved her before he came around, I just took her for granted and didn't show her or tell her. She only thinks I used her and I can see why, since I didn't say I love you when she said it to me. I muffed up geesh!
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flowers, I love you, jealous, money, player Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Reggina7  +, writes (14 February 2011):
Hey. I believe it is very difficult to win her back. Trust takes ages to build and a second to be broken and it is not restored overnight. The fact that the girl isn't willing to take any crap from you is a very healthy sign of a person who respects themselves (and thus has the ability to respect others - ie good girlfriend material) but I doubt you can convince her of your intentions. Before you even think about trying to win her over you have to be very honest with yourself as to what it is precisely you want. In some cases it is the thrill of the chase. I am not saying this is the case with you but can you honestly say that if you succeed in winning her back the thrill will not fizzle and the attraction will not disappear? I mean you mention that you miss her chasing you like the old days and that is not a sign of love, it sounds like an ego thing to me. You are not used to rejection you say and if you care for her you will give your motives a thorough inspection. Also, don't expect for her to trust you straight away, let her know you realize you have broken her trust and tell her you will be patient and you will take positive action to win it back. Words are meaningless unless followed by actions and when someone has been trampled over they are even more skeptical. I would start with a sincere apology and give it time. If she decides she wants nothing to do with you you must respect it and use this as a valuable lesson, something like karma's gift to you, to realize that treating people like crap is not a very good idea whether you have feelings for them or not. The sooner you learn to behave properly to people the better your chances are to not kick away a potentially great person next time you chance upon them.There is no value in being a heartbreaker for the shake of it. Maybe in your teens when what mates think is where you got your value. It actually pays to be decent. No great person will put up with useless crap so if crap is all you had to offer you can not expect great people to stick around. It is as simple as that. I am not writing this to lecture you, it is just that I have been in the girl's shoes recently and I know how hard it is to trust a person who has treated me like crap. As I said I am worth much more as no doubt your girl also and being a trophy is never good enough. So, by all means try to win her back if you are sincere but also use this as a valuable lesson. You may even be a better person for it, who knows?Good luck in any case
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Tell her what you've shared here. At worse she'll say non but at least you won't go through life regretting and wondering if things might be different had you asked. At best she will say yes and you'll live with her happily ever after. The only way you lose out is if you don't take that one last leap. Who knows she might be hoping you'll man up and come for her. You said you were the one that didn't show love well that's the note you left her on. The balls not in her corner. It's in yours. The longer you wait to tell her what's going on with you the greater the chance she'll find greater attraction in another lad. Is that how you want it to go down? Stop the snoozing and take care of your business.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I've been used by a couple of guys before, I just wanted a nice guy that I could love and for him to love me but I was treated like crap, my first boyfriend treated me so bad, one day I was over by his cousin's house, he walked in as if I wasn't there and we hadn't seen each other for over a month, he said a few words to me and dropped me off at the bus stop. He did some low down dirty things to me, he even gotten married while we were dating, I was hurting but I didn't have the brains to know that this man didn't care about me. Now that I decided to give up and get my life together, doing good for myself, traveling and not wanting for ANYTHING and are very happy. He keeps telling his mother that he married the wrong woman, he told me if something happens to his wife that he was going to marry me, I told him that the feelings I had for him was gone and I will never marry him. And I told him what goes around comes around.I was dating another guy and while we were dating, I called him one night and he told me that he was married, about three years later he told me that he wasn't happily married, he said he got married only because the lady he was fooling around with got pregnant and her parents wasn't pleased with her having a baby and not married so I had to take the pain and move on, he calls me every so offten want to come over and get in my bed, but I let him know the feelings are gone and you shouldn't be calling me because you are a married man. I told him what goes around comes around because truly in my heart I believe we reap what we sow.I have been dogged out by guys, not trying to make you feel bad but I'm not looking back at someone that broke me up in pieces, I wouldn't care if these two guy gave me the world I wouldn't taken them back, I have really been hurt by going way out of my way to make the relationship work, I was blind as a bat but one day the good Lord gave me sight to see and now I'm very happy ALONE.So maybe you should sit down and talk with this lady and see how she feels and this way you want be wasting your time and move on.Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): dude your totally head over heels in love with this chick.Ask her out.stop being a pussy and do it.explain to her all the things you put on this site and tell her that you took her for granted.hopefully she'll understand and come cralling back to you like you want
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): There's no reason for her to get back with you unless not only have you recognized your appreciation for her, which from your inquiry it seems like you have, but also if you can act on it.
Think of who she is as a person. Flowers and a poem are a cheesy start, but at least you're thinking.
If she loves movies, sports, food, school, or anything, then show her that you care about her by communicating with her about those things.
You may also want to be single for a while to prove that without her, you without anyone :)
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