A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help! We have been seeing each other for about 8 months. I am 27 and she is 22. We had a good relationship, no arguing, made sure we went out places regular together, had lots of laughs and everything seemed fine. We had a few issues, her ex was one he was in regular contact, which annoyed me. They were together 3 and half years, he finished her only 2 weeks before we met and i hated the fact that if he showed interest again and wanted her back then i couldn’t compete with the feelings she might have had for him. But she insisted they were just friends. The other was that 3 months ago when I felt everything was fine, she finished things out of the blue after a trip to Amsterdam, claiming she felt it unfair to continue as she was going travelling for the summer. Which was planned prior to us meeting, and didn’t want to end up hurting both of us. After a week of non-contact, i bumped into her in a bar. As soon as i left she was texting begging for me back. Claiming it was the biggest mistake she has made, that she has realised how much i mean to her and that she wants to give it a go. I was confused as i didn’t like the fact she had dumped me out of the blue. But after a couple of weeks of making sure it was what she wanted, asking questions and talking. We got back together and things carried on as normal. Since that day, she has been different with me, in a good way. Like nicer to me, more affectionate and generally more loving. She seemed really happy and the perfect girlfriend.It was her birthday recently, and because things were going so well and due to her still planning to go away for the summer, i decided to book a holiday for her birthday. So we could get away from everything and have a good time together before she went travelling. We went to Portugal, and seemed to have the best week ever. From my point of view we had a really good time, seemed so happy. We were even given free drinks in the hotel for being “so in love”, as the DJ put it. She was unbelievably nice, leaving little “hi sexy” notes, and even wrote “I love you” in the mirror while i was in the shower. On our last night she laid hugging me, thanked me for the trip and even said she was so grateful for me giving her a second chance and that she was so happy. I was overjoyed. We were both sad to leave Portugal. On our return on the Tuesday, things seemed fine. No issues. She text saying how different and gutted she was to not be in the same bed together after our week away. That she had such a good time away and wished I was with her. But then the very next day she seemed different with me, for one reason or another I had a feeling something was wrong. She messaged saying she had a bad sleep, tossed and turned and was moody. I asked what was wrong but she said nothing, just holiday blues. She has also been poorly and had lots of university work on, so i put it down to that. This continued all that day and the next. She had a hospital appointment on the Thursday, which I knew she was frightened about. So i sent her flowers while i was at work to arrive before her appointment to cheer her up, i didn’t get the response i expected. She simply said thanks, and left it at that. I knew something was wrong.That night i was meant to see her, but because she seemed down and due to us just coming back from spending a full week together, i said she should go out with friends to try cheer herself up and have a good time. She went out, and was meant to come back to mine after. I didn’t hear from her until 2 in the morning, when i got a text saying she had just got in and was in bed. Obviously confused at this, as she was meant to stay at mine, i phoned her and asked what was going on, she was drunk and being argumentative. So i left the issue and said i would see her in the morning. Early the next day we were meant to be going out for the day so i went to hers, she was hungover and moody. I just knew something was up.After asking what was wrong and why she hadn’t came to mine, i got the feeling she couldn’t be bothered . I told her this and she replied “well don’t be my boyfriend then”. I was shocked and hurt at this, clearly something was wrong. I made her sit down to talk, saying this is meant to be an adult relationship. After me moaning on she opened up, saying she was confused, she had bumped into her ex the night before, had got a sick feeling in her stomach, and had realised she wasn’t over him and maybe him she should be with. Similar to what she had said to me after Amsterdam. He feels the same apparently. I was gobsmacked. I couldn’t believe it, especially after the way she had been recently and how good our holiday was. But Im not the type of lad to cry infront of a girl or beg them to be with me, so i simply said ok thanks for being honest and left things. Trying to keep my dignity in tact.That was a week ago, and apart from a text i received from her saying how much she liked me, how much of a “brilliant” time she had with me and how “class” the holiday was and that she was so sorry for the way things have turned out, but at the same time glad she realised sooner rather than later how she felt , I have not heard from her. The problem is i love this girl so much, i have her on the highest possible pedestal and miss her loads. But what can i do? I just cant understand how it can all be so different after a week. I thought we were happy and things were going well. This is the first time i have felt like this, and this last week has been hell. I am gutted, please help?
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at work, drunk, flowers, got back together, her ex, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 You were mature enough to take the risk of getting involved in a love triangle and you accepted.You were mature enough to take the risk of taking her back and you accepted.Now you'll have to be mature about losing her to her ex and accept it.Or, get on your brawny horse and go get her back.Fighting for the right for her love could pull huge favor for you because she came back once before, that says a lot.You have her on a pedestal and eventually she'll want that lofty view again, because I doubt her ex is anything like you.So, either go quietly into the night or pull a braveheart.Myself, my Scottish blood would be beaten black and bloody before I'd walk away from my one true love.
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