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male
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bazawula
writes: "am in love with a married woman and she show me that she also loves me what can l do to bring her more close to me ??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): i want to say that i know 100% what you mean, simply because i'm in the same situation.
i'm very independant and strong man who can control his life and feelings but when i met this girl though she's married i just couldn't help it and still can't, it's not fair to blame her before you hear her part and why she fall in love with another man and she's married ? sometimes it's not only to blame that can help !
all answers here just made me love her more and what will happen tomorrow ? i wish one can put his/herself in our shoes before just writing answres.
someone in love with a married women but she's the most wonderful person i've ever met.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): I have been involved with 2 married women. The first I kind of still am but I will get to that and hopefully through this text you might find some answers.The first:I moved to this town and I met this girl that is 6 years older than myself. She has been married for 8 years at the time with one daughter with her husband. We started off as friends and one drunken night we both told each other our true feelings for one another. After words we started seeing each other secretly but with no sex involved at first. This lasted for about 2 years we fooled around but never took the step. She kept telling me she was going to leave her husband and we both thought it was best to wait so our love could truly show when having sex without having to watch out backs or be nervous. I also knew her husband, he wasn't a good friend of mine but I guess a friend nonetheless. Now after the 2 years is when things got really weird. I got into some hard times and needed a place to live for awhile. Being that he was my "friend" and knowing she was my friend let me stay with them. I was very reluctant at first but I didn't want to live on the street. I didn't know anyone else, I was devoted to her and her alone I had no need to search for others when I was new in town. I lived with them for a few months. I saw the woman I love go to bed with her husband every night. I saw them kiss and worst of all I heard them have sex. That night my heart was crushed. I confronted her the next day and of course she denied it. I believed her but than again I knew what I heard but I let it slide. To say why I stay there for so long in a simple way is because it felt like I was living with her. We flirted all the time even when he was home. While living there is when we had sex too. Another reason is because I was able to view what actually went on in the relationship and with me their they would have sex. So I thought anyway until the night I heard them.So after I heard them I moved away. Not just the house but out of state. At first I cut off all communication but my heart gave in and started talking to her again. I told her she had to leave her husband like she said she was going to years ago which she agreed to and was telling me she was trying. I let this go on for another 2 years.My heart was hurt so many time in the relationship but I continued because I loved her so. Until one day I met this girl at my work. We flirted but she was married and I was in love with this other girl. One thing led to another and we decided that we should have sex with no string attached. After all she was moving away in a couple months, her husband was in the navy and was going on his last tour and she wanted a **** buddy while he was gone.I thought ok I haven't had sex in a little over 2 years so it sounded like a great idea at the time. My woman wouldn't find out so what could it hurt? Well we fell for one another and moved in together while he was still on tour. She told him she wanted a divorce and he agreed to it. My other girlfriend, which she knew about, kept calling until one day the new girl picked up the phone and chewed her out. Basically broke me up with her, which I was fine with because I moved on and I knew she would never leave her husband. After 5 years it took me to realize this. I knew because a couple months with my new girlfriend and she was already taking the next step, divorce.Everything was going great I was with a new woman I cared for alot and was even falling in love with. I was the happiest man on earth. That is until a few days before her soon to be ex was getting off the boat. She told me she wanted to break up because she was moving away soon but we could be together until she does.I was devastated but didn't put up a fight. I have been through a lot the past 5 and a half years so my heart kind of just gave up. Turns out she picked him up from the boat and decided to get back with him. She eventually kicked me out of the house we rented together and moved him in. I didn't know what to think.We still talk because I understood that he is her husband and he treated her good, not as good as me, but still good so why not give it another try? She moved out of state and now realizes her mistake. She doesn't want to leave her husband, she wants him to leave on his own accord. I don't understand that. Another thing is she wants me to visit so we can have sex. I would love to but my heart is telling me not to go so I haven't. I have been putting it off for awhile now and don't plan to.At one time after she left I decided to move on after some lonely sobbing nights. I slept with 2 different girls a couple of times. She wanted me to find someone else but when I told her I slept with one of the girls she flipped out. She didn't want to speak to me anymore. I talked her out of it but to this day she doesn't want me to find anyone else, to basically save myself for her even though she has no plans to leave her husband.I just told her tonight how I felt about the whole situation and she flipped out again. She can't accept that I need someone and without her willing to be with me there is a good possibility I will find someone else. I haven't heard back from that yet.Now one night my sister and myself were having a heart to heart about relationships. I was consulting her with her husband and she was helping me with my troubles. She said the best thing I have ever heard.Woman love to be treated like crap. They don't like to admit it but they really do. They will tell everyone they need a man that is sensual and cares but in a womans eye that is not manly and that is what a woman wants. Being mean or a complete A-hole is being manly. That shows they have b*lls. They will stay with that man and usually find another man, a sensual man, to consult to, share their feelings with and even get what they can't get sexually at home. Once satisfied it is enough to hold them through their true relationship, their marriage. With that said I knew I was a pawn in a womans game. Twice I fell for that and twice I came away heart broken. Men you have to break off these feelings for a married woman you are just being used. Used for everything her man can't give her but let me tell you it's not what she really wants. Some might say my sister was just talking crap but I hate to say it she was one of the girls that did that to her man. She would know those feelings and why she did it better than girls that haven't cheated or men that try and explain things. My view changed completely after the conversation and even though I have feelings I don't let them stop me from moving on.My suggestion is to just move on. Get out and run and don't look back. Your in for a world of pain with nothing going your way. Life is to short to wait especially when the wait is for nothing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): I dated a married woman for over 2 1/2 years. We met thru my work. We got along famously, and ended up spending a bit of time together. In these early stages, there was a lot of confusion on my part. I knew she was married, and she was quite a bit older than I was. It did not register in my conscious mind that I might develop romantic feelings for her. In retrospect, she claims the same. Not necessarily how I remember it, but whatever.
The main question here is: how long do you give a person the benefit of the doubt? I wasn't really sure of anything at first, but once things unfolded we ended up falling rather deeply in love. Even still, it's not as if you go into a relationship expecting to know what comes next. Once you're in it, you just kind of go where it takes you. For a while, anyway.
Over time, I couldn't help but grow more and more particular about what I felt I deserved out of the relationship. Not to place undue pressure on her, but when WILL she make a move, after all? I grew tired of the covert nature of everything. Especially considering that I was the man who was bringing her so much joy. I just wanted the world to recognize it. It troubled me more and more, and it was hard to witness her be so dishonest. It just went against my very idea of who she was.
Nothing I could say or do could get her to extricate herself from her situation. She was married, and raising two boys. And that was that. And far be it from me to have any opinions on the matter. I mean, over time, you can't help but get pulled into things. I heard about every single story involving those two, both good and bad. After a while I started to develop an emotional stake in things. It made things difficult. I started to really come face-to-face with the realization that these kids are here to stay. I never wished them gone, but there were plenty of times where I wondered where the hell their father was... and further, WHO he was. Her and I started talking about him more. One night, after several drinks, I asked her just exactly what drew her to him. Her answer? "He had a nice body." That's it. 2 kids and 20 years later, and that's what it comes down to? All this sneaking around, all these hard feelings, all this sacrifice, all this risk... and THAT'S what it all boils down to? I lost a lot of respect for her that night, and it took me a looong time to accept that it probably wasn't going to come back. We began to bicker after that. I wanted to love her just the same, and I tried, and I still want to, but somehow those few simple words made it a hell of a lot harder to justify our actions in my mind.
Eventually I confessed my concerns to her. Far from being understanding or apologetic, she got angry with me. Perhaps understandably at first, but over time and with some soul-searching I guess I'd expect her to come around. No such luck. We ended up fighting more until eventually some hurtful things were said. Now it looks very much as if we will discontinue our relationship. After all this time, I'm not even sure how I feel about that.
Anyway, that's the ten minute synopsis of 2 1/2 years. Obviously it's gonna be a less than perfect account.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): you cannot do anything she has to chose to want to be closer to you
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): I also am in love with a married woman. We ended our "relationship" over 6 months ago. We had been seeing each other for 8 months. I know she loved me but when her husband found out her and I were telling each other we loved each other (he saw text messages), she stopped all contact with me. She told me that she told him that we never had anything physical. I backed her up when he confronted me. Anyway, she still occurs to me every day. Some days she occupies more mental space than others. One thing I can safely say is that I have never had this much difficulty getting past a woman. Consider this: why is your married woman still with her husband? why does she not just leave him and see you exclusively? mine would tell me she is in too deep, her son from a previous relationship is calling her new husband dad now, they just got marriedand bought a house, etc. None of these reasons are good enough. Basically, if your married woman truly loves you and wants you, she will leave her husband and devote herself to you. Another thing to consider, if she could do this to her husband, what will stop her from doing this to you in the future? Might it make sense to find someone who is available?
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reader, rudedog  +, writes (12 November 2007):
I love a married woman. I met her and lived with her 17 years ago and fell in love with her then. We were young and had many problems, I had a daughter, she was younger (8 years), drugs, and so on. She left and moved away. She met someone and married him (for 17 years now) but still keeps in contact wih me. I'm married also, to a woman I met right after her, someone completeley different, I hoped I could spend the rest of my life with. She keeps calling and I can't say no to meeting her. I am not in love but happy where I am. I can't stop thinking about her and cannot get turned on by my wife now. HELP
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): i, too, am hopelessly in love with a married woman and would like nothing better than to spend the rest of my life with her. however i am fully aware that the only way this will happen is if she chooses it to be so.and, just to be clear...this is the most painful yet wonderful feeling of my life.when i am with her i am blissfully happy and never stop smiling and laughing but torture myself when we are apart but i wouldn't give her up for anything. i hope she one day chooses me. i cannot condemn anyone in this position as i know what it feels like first hand but i would recommend finding partners who are single as opposed to hooked up with someone else to spare yourself this glorious pain...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): i am the married women in love with a younger married man who is getting divorce but now recently started seeing someone he works with and i am so confused -it is as if he is blocking me out of his life . do i have the right to be hurt inside ?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): I'm the same guy from (2 August 2007):
Update... Well he thinks he knows about us now, which makes things difficult, but he is upset because he is not the main guy in the life of his wife and not the guy the children talk about. I don't fault him for being upset, I mean, why wouldn't I if I were him? It's just years and years of neglecting emotions and not talking have left him in this state that realizes only now that he can't do much about. But after some big fights regarding me in the life of his wife (keep in mind that I am a family friend of not only her immediate family, but her mother's entire immediate family - she has 8 children and I am friends with all and her husband - so much so that that side of the family offer to fly me everywhere they go). She still says she wants to leave him for me but needs to make sure she finishes school and can set back enough money to make sure she will be ok when it's said and done because I am now out of the military and only a sophomore in college. Mother now *knows* but won't talk about (without slightly encouraging the good points about me). Her mother invites the two of us on her trips that she takes and it seems that the sleeping arrangements (made by the mother) always end up having her daughter and I in the same bed or sharing the same area... (she's 10 years older than me hasn't lived at home in 20 years) So I am guessing the mom likes the thought of us together... but I am poor and can't afford her and her kids, so she stays with him until one or both of us finish school... But now he is extremely jealous whether or not he actually believes anything is going on between the two of us, he knows that she is at the very least enjoying herself as far as just being truly happy around me and he wants that for the times they are together. So he told her that as long as everything is "ok" at home, she can go take trips with her mom (even if I go). What "ok" has come to mean is apparently that he be allowed to sleep in the same bed again (which they weren't doing) and she has to be interested in him again and pretend to be excited when he comes home and "care" about what he has to say and his interests. Meanwhile, this is killing me... She fills a part of my life that I thought was dead, and she's swore the same to me... Her brother even called and thanked me for loosening his sister up (although he doesn't know that we are in a relationship) because she used to be a prude and didn't have a lot of fun and now she knows the things she was missing from life before me.
Unfortunately (only if things go badly) her kids are in the picture and know who I am and seem to really like me, so far as her oldest daughter txt msgs me often and really looks forward to when I can spend time with her again and hugs me tighter than any other non-family kid does when I see her or say goodbye and her other kids are jealous that the oldest is always the first to hug me. Saying goodbye, they all have to do it several times and cry and so does their mom and she isn't known for crying at all, and swears the only other person she cried for when they left was her grandmother who raised her in her early years...
What am I supposed to do? I love this woman with all my heart, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I want to be a part of her children's lives... everything fits right now except her husband (and just saying that makes me feel like such a... well bad person).
The thing is that it will be atleast a couple years before either or us finish school... I don't know if I can take the situation that long. I know I love her but to know that he touches her and makes her do thing she calls me and cries and cries about... It tears me apart. I want nothing more than to take her away, but I can't afford it, I'm just a poor broke college student and she's a mistreated doctor's wife.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): It is very easy to ask him to leave that Girl but When you put yourself into his state..It will be like a hell..You need to decide whether she is your life or not, then if you think that you cannot live withour her ,,Then try some things to make her feel safe ,secure and to trust you that she will get everything with you...That's all you need to do without pushing her ...Continue your friendship with some romance and then there some fun and I am sure that you will succeed...But incase after sometime if it doesn't work ,Then we have some 151 strong for two days to change our mind dude.Pick up someoneelse and have some fun ..Time can heel any wounds ....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): Many are we who are deeply in love with a married woman, all with the same questions... yet I wonder... has anyone ever pulled it off? Would be good to hear THOSE stories!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007):
Romance & sex, that s maybe she is missing from her husband and you missing from your wife
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): I had personal experience with this. I am married, although unhappily, and so was she (also unhappily). We became close in part due to sharing our grief about our spouses. We had an affair. Unfortunately, it led to nothing but heartache for me. Married people sometimes are just looking for something temporary to fill a void in their lives. They may disappoint you if you fall in love. There is always someone else out there who is single and looking for a relationship. It's so hard loving someone and then having to see them go home to their families. It's much better to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): Ok, so my buddy's family has kind of become my own even more than to him. His mom, and two sisters go to Vegas, one older than me and one younger than me. I've been interested in the younger for a few years now and end up sleeping with the older married sister. She says she's blown away and hasn't felt so comfortable with anyone as quickly as me and wants to see me after the trip. So weekly, I've seen her for at least a few hours. She's now talking about leaving her husband and being with me. She has kids with him and I hate to admit that they really like me too (I know my buddy's entire family and they all love me with the exception of HER husband, I don't know him). I really feel for this woman, she's a great mother and takes a huge interest in their daily lives and seems to push all the important things in my life that I haven't always pushed, like education and doing things that are good for me. She doesn't lavish me with gifts, not that I want her to, but she does do really nice things for me often. She organizes trips with her mother which she usually doesn't like to be around too much because it's the only way that she and I can be together more than just 5-6 hours at a time and not look so weird seeing as how I've gone on trips with the rest of her family often and her mom wants me to be her son in law very badly (she pushed a relationship with the younger daughter).Anyway, I love her, I feel a completeness I haven't felt before with her and I can't stop laughing and smiling around her to the point it hurts and that's not present in the other aspects of my life and the same is true for her. I listen to the rest of her family talk about how she's not been happy for years prior to me.I don't know what to do... I can see myself with her, but I don't want to see myself in his shoes. I'm lost and I'm not sure if I can be found anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): As much as I would like to admit that my situation is different, I know I'm lying to myself. Here is my story. I hope someone will be able to maybe give me something I can use.
It all started in the bar. I walked up and started talking to her and her friend. Right off the bat I asked her if she was married to which she replied....NO!!!. She was my age, no kids, her native country is what my heritage is...catholic, and the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. Everything was so perfect until somewhere around the 4th date. she dropped the bombshell and told me she was married. I quickly got up and said I was sorry but I did not want to be involved in anything like this. She asked me to just hear her out before I decided to leave. I did
She claimed that she was helping a friend from the old country obtain a greencard and that they did not live together and had never been intimate with each other. After hearing the story and looking at some other facts, like how she had never changed her last name and she had all this time to spend with me, it seemed like she could be possibly telling the truth. Things were unbelievable, she would spend weeks on end with me and we were nearly inseparable for the last 8months leading up until about last week.
Around March, he obtained his greencard and supposedly, they were going to get together and get the necessary papers signed. It had never happened. In fact, no steps were ever even taken. She goes to school for her masters and works full time, not to mention spends every free minute with me. That brings us to last week. She printed out the paperwork from online and said that she was going to take it to him to sign so this thing could get moving. That was when I got my first phone call from him telling me a whole different story. He had claimed that it wasnt for a greencard and that he loved her so much and she loved him and blah blah blah...i had told him my side of the story thats basically where everything is now. she showed up at my house that evening crying and saying how he is lying and trying to ruin her life because of this...i would be able to continue believing her if she would go to a lawyer and quit trying to rely on him to sign papers....I told him that I wanted no part of this and I never did...I love this girl with my heart and I dont know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): As much as I would like to admit that my situation is different, I know I'm lying to myself. Here is my story. I hope someone will be able to maybe give me something I can use.
It all started in the bar. I walked up and started talking to her and her friend. Right off the bat I asked her if she was married to which she replied....NO!!!. She was my age, no kids, her native country is what my heritage is...catholic, and the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. Everything was so perfect until somewhere around the 4th date. she dropped the bombshell and told me she was married. I quickly got up and said I was sorry but I did not want to be involved in anything like this. She asked me to just hear her out before I decided to leave. I did
She claimed that she was helping a friend from the old country obtain a greencard and that they did not live together and had never been intimate with each other. After hearing the story and looking at some other facts, like how she had never changed her last name and she had all this time to spend with me, it seemed like she could be possibly telling the truth. Things were unbelievable, she would spend weeks on end with me and we were nearly inseparable for the last 8months leading up until about last week.
Around March, he obtained his greencard and supposedly, they were going to get together and get the necessary papers signed. It had never happened. In fact, no steps were ever even taken. She goes to school for her masters and works full time, not to mention spends every free minute with me. That brings us to last week. She printed out the paperwork from online and said that she was going to take it to him to sign so this thing could get moving. That was when I got my first phone call from him telling me a whole different story. He had claimed that it wasnt for a greencard and that he loved her so much and she loved him and blah blah blah...i had told him my side of the story thats basically where everything is now. she showed up at my house that evening crying and saying how he is lying and trying to ruin her life because of this...i would be able to continue believing her if she would go to a lawyer and quit trying to rely on him to sign papers....I told him that I wanted no part of this and I never did...I love this girl with my heart and I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): I am in a relationship with a man, who was having an affair with a married woman. Not an affair on me, even though not sure when it started, we were split up at the time, but an affair is still an affair when one or both are married.
Regardless of growing up in a church, an affair is wrong as much morally as spiritually. I feel 2 commandments are broken, Thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife and thou shall not steal. Regardless of who made the first move, one should not take what does not belong to them.
And if she has strung you along for a year, wake up and move on. Sometimes people are more apt to love what they can not easily have. I believe this to be my boyfriends problem also. He and her have done more damage to people with people finding out, I personally am seriously scarred. He is leaving also and it is devastating to know that this married woman, who I guess chose her husband over him also, will be the one he thinks about for the rest of his life and not me, the one who was available.
My advice, find someone single when you move.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): I don't know if any of us in this situation can give any advice to another.
One year ago, this very day, I was kissed by a married woman I had loved her for years...nearly 4 years... but I had hid my feelings for her because she was married. My love was a forbidden love, even though I was single. One might think it would have been me that made the first move with such an attraction for her, but actually it was her that made the move on me, after 19 years of marriage.
So... a year ago this very day, and she has not left her husband. She is scared to leave the safety of the known, even though she says she has never loved or even known a man like me before.
Her husband has found out about us twice... both perfect times to leave him, but she hasn't. I guess the power of 20 years makes one a little autistic... changes being scary. She feels aweful about doing this to her husband, even though she doesn't love him. She feels aweful about not being with me. Her husband calls her on her cell phone to see where she is... and he feels aweful... scared. And me... I was raised in church... and the one thing that sticks with you your whole life is the guilt, and knowing this will send you to hell. I just want a normal relationship with her. When I went into this a divorce seemed a couple of months away... and now a year has passed.
I nearly broke it off a week and a day ago... in fact I did... Not strange I was destroyed inside doing it, but she was totally destroyed inside telling me several times that she has never loved a man as much as she loves me... she wanted her life with me... and me leaving here... woke her up... and I bought it... and here we are back in the same situation again while her and her husband are on a romatic weekend to celebrate her birthday.
Maybe the best advice I could give is have the strength to leave, because that may be the only way she gets the strenght to finally make a choice. Right now she loves me more than any man she has ever loved... I love her more than any woman I have ever loved, even at the risk of hell...
Believing she isn't strong is a mistake, because she loves me, yet actively makes a choice every day to go home to another man... that is the reality. My advice, the advice none of us will take, leave. It may be your only hope to have her make a choice. If only I had the strength to follow that advice, she may be mine already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): I am too in love with a married woman who has two children and has been married eight years. We flirt, make jokes at work and she tells me that I make her day everyday. If I do not talk to her she also gets upset saying that that will ruin her day. I do not know what to do and how can I find out if she will leave her husband for me or maybe I should just get a job transfer away from her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): I am involved with a married woman also. She tells me she wants to leave her husband in her own way and time. I try and show her respect and let her do it how she feels it needs to be done. She told me she still loves him, but loves me also. I couldnt believe she said that you could love two people at the same time. True love is between two people. Not three. She asked if I felt she was worth the wait. I really feel she is. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. Her husband is very controlling. She is a very independant person. She can't be herself around him. She is the one I have looked for all my life. How do I let go of such a strong feeling of love. She told me that we were not a "if" but a "when" I really believe her, but it hurts to know she goes home to him every night. I hope she finds it in her heart to be with me. I told her that she was not honest with the love she expressed with one of us, and to figure out which person she felt true love for. If things do not work out with her.. I will probably be alone for another 10 years. It took me that long to find her. Is it possible that some people were meant to be alone and lonely their whole life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): Well that makes a lot of us in the same boat!
I also love a married woman(I'm married too),we have been together for 5 months now.I have try to leave her but I turn going back to her arms.She really loves me and I have never been so happy in my life with somebody.It's sound strange but I have change my ways thanks to her.She is with her husband because she can not support herself and her daughter; her husband is not the father of the child. They have been married for 8 years now but she doesn't love him for several years now.
Good luck to all of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007): I am also in this situation.If you have to ask yourself if it's wrong than it's wrong.It does hurt at times your insides feel all bruised up because all you think about is her and wanting to spend time with her to love her.But she's already commited to another and you drive yourself crazy because you can't let go.Good luck man.I can't let go either
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): I am in a similar situation and am also lost. I have absolutely no control over my feelings for this woman. On top of that, she is much much older than I. I tried to keep my distance from her as long as possible, but our feelings for each other recently outed. There is no question that she is happy with her husband, but she tells me that she has never met someone like myself and how much she loves me. We have so much fun in each others company and are so close mentally. it seriously makes me sick that I'm in this type of situation. I can't even talk to anyone about it either. My guess is the only thing to do is try to move on. It's the only conclusion that I can think of while knowing that I will never have her to myself.
Signed,
An Incomplete Man
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): You need not do much. Give her time to sort things out for herself, her predicaments in her own marriage...but your Friendship will definitely help her to survive the psychological loads from that monster husband... if its true! Who knows her real reasons of staying with the husband anyway?
GOOD luck for trying..I know its hard to do it when you are very much emotionally involved.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): An interesting yet not a fun situation. I do not know this womans situation. Unlike others here, I don't believe she loves her husband, because if she did, she wouldn't do this to him. My ex did this to me, and I am pretty sure at the time she didn't love me.
So why do people then stay together with someone they don't love and fall in love with someone else? Perhaps her husband is a controller. Perhaps he has worn down her belief in herself. Maybe she feels like she is worthless, and if she left, she would be pennyless, and living in the gutter. Does anyone know why a woman that is beaten and is mentally abused stays with her husband? Fear perhaps? What is to say thatthis woman he loves is afraid to leave her husband. The unknown is a scary place!
My advice first would be, don't fall in love with someone that is married. It is bound to hurt a lot of people and make a divorse 1000 times worse. But too late for that in this case. If you want her, and love her with everything that is you, then you need to build up her self worth, as any good partner does. You will have to be ready for her never leaving her husband, even if he is a monster, but then again, in what relationship is there a warrenty that it will last forever? You need to continue to let her know you love her, and make her feel safe. I would also advise you put a time limit on this relationship. If you do not see her moving, even slowly tords a divorce, lets say in a few months, the likelihood that she will move in that direction becomes less likely. You will have to know when it is time to cut and run if you don't see forward motion. If you see forward motion, with any luck, everyone ends up happy and in love, even her husband. If she doesn't love him, how much happier will he be without her and with someone that actually loves him!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): Reading all answers i can say that it's easy to say things if your hands are in water not in fire like bazawula here !
i want to say that i know 100% what you mean, simply because i'm in the same situation.
i'm very independant and strong man who can control his life and feelings but when i met this girl though she's married i just couldn't help it and still can't, it's not fair to blame her before you hear her part and why she fall in love with another man and she's married ? sometimes it's not only to blame that can help !
all answers here just made me love her more and what will happen tomorrow ? i wish one can put his/herself in our shoes before just writing answres.
someone in love with a married women but she's the most wonderful person i've ever met.
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (13 January 2006):
 If she loves you then she would leave her husband and run in to the sunset with you,right? Wrong! My money is on your lover staying with her husband,why? because deep down she probably loves him and when she met you,it was sexual attraction,yes she might well be in love with you but not enough to leave her husband.Let her go,i know its hard because you are emotionally involved,but it will be best in the long run.There will be a girl out there for you who will want you all for herself,and guess what? She wont be married.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): Its totally wrong she is poisonous. dump her find someone else. she sounds like trouble to me. anyway she can't be that special .
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (13 January 2006):
 Let her go; there are hundreds of women out there.
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female
reader, shortie +, writes (13 January 2006):
You need to forget about her, i know its hard but she's married and i doubt very much she'll ever leave her husband,stay away from her, break all contact, it'll save you a lot of heart ache trust me!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 January 2006):
 Nothing, leave her alone.
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