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I love a married woman...

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2006) 66 Answers - (Newest, 20 July 2014)
A male , *azawula writes:

"am in love with a married woman and she show me that she also loves me what can l do to bring her more close to me ??

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014):

Give up on that woman.

i should know.

i did it for 4 years and in the end she got what she wanted and I got a broken heart.

her marriage got better because of me.

she used me for her own selfish reasons.

lied to her husband and to me.

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A male reader, loveonly India +, writes (14 July 2014):

Hi am only 26 yrs of age and am deeply love with one married woman who has three children.Her husband started avoiding her before 4yrs. Now i cant leave her she also can't leave me but no one knows our relationship.her age is round to 30

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011):

I am married with children and my family life is good. I met her at our children's School. As far as her family life is concerned, it is excellent. However, when we meet sparks fly in all directions. As a matter of fact, she started this. She kept following me for a while. I know she likes my company. So do I. She is very attractive for her age. We are both middle-aged. We never expressed our love to each other directly even though all the signs are there. Whatever happens, there is absolutely NO CHANCE of anyone of us disrupting our FAMILIES. (ie no such thing as divorce).Priority is Family life of each other. My wife got a sneaky suspicion that I am attracted to her and prevents every chance to meet her. But we talk on the phone often. I love her company. How can I tell her that I love her ?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011):

I've been reading all your questions and comments, and I just wonder if one could move beyond monogamy and be able to truly honor ones feelings with a more open sense of ethics, how much happier and truly passionate could some people be? Just wonder about 'Love' as we know it, when I read the situations we manage to get into.

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A male reader, erickgomez United States +, writes (11 December 2010):

I was in the same situation about a year ago and honestly it ended horribly. When things ended I almost went crazy. The best advice that I can give you would be to leave her alone but because I went through the same situation that is probably not going to happen. With that being said if you decide to stay with her just know that she is never going to leave her husband for you, so keep that in your mind.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010):

I met this wonderful girl back in Feb. I saw her working at the cash register helping customers. When It came for me to put my items down for her to check them out, I froze, I couldn't look at her or even tell her hi. I eventually made it out, and felt stupid that I never said anything to her or even got her name at the time. Well I went back the next week to get to know her better. We talked for a bit while checking my items out, and I got her name that time. I told her I shall see her another time, and we did. The next week was Valentines day, so I got her a blank card with a poem I wrote, asking her if we could get to know one another better. She said yes, so the following few weeks and months after we became greatest of friends. When I met her she wasn't married, but in June she told me she was engaged to a man I knew from my childhood. I was heart broken, yet I was happy for her. What else could I do? She got married in September. A week before her marriage, she asked me what was bothering me, and I told her about what I felt. I knew I shouldn't have, but to hold a secret from even your best of friend hurts. I told her that I wished that I could have had a chance to be with her. She asked me how come I never said anything before, since she had wished the same thing with me. I told her that I was not ready to make the leap yet to be in a relationship. However I told her that I am happy she found someone, and will support her as one of her best friends. To this day I have kept that promise to her, not pushing my feelings either towards or away from her, but to let her know Ill always be there for her when she needs me.

People say that it is best to leave when in love with a married person. Which I wont disagree, but I shall ask, if you truely care for that person, would you not stick through it. I may be sad that I never took that leap to be with this special one, but I am happy that we are still able to be friends to this day.

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A male reader, zizo Egypt +, writes (18 November 2010):

i love a married woman too my advise is wait .time will show you the right way .

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010):

It is not a mistake dear.But will have a big one if both of you not avoiding the same.

Just imagine that you are facing this situation after your marrage...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010):

i'm in love with a married woman for a week now. we are both young (below 30).

i didn't lay a finger on her. and i'm sad becos i know we will never be together.

i'm single (but never married). dated many girls but couldnt find the right one. in fact i dated the worst kinds of girls. pretty, spoilt, immature brats really. the leftovers.

and she has been married for 2 to 3 years. no kids. her relationship with her husband has been bad and it got worse recently (before i even met her). so i am not a factor. her husband doesn't know i exist. and will never do. her husband sounds like a real d*ck becos she is a great girl and he just didn't care sh*t about her.some guys have all the luck.

i didn't believe in love at first sight until i met her.it was effortless. u know u can tell if u click with someone after talking to her for 5minutes.we were like peas & carrots. invisible sparks just happen.it's chemistry.we both felt it.if we wanted to we could talk all night. it was so easy to talk to her. we never said this to each other but we both know if we were single, we will definitely be dating becos it was very obvious that we liked each other very much.

the crazy thing is i never knew she was married until we met the third time (she didn't have a ring on her finger).

when i knew she was married. i backed off immediately and apologised to her for my behaviour.

she told me about her relationship with her husband.how unhappy she is. and how she tried to turn it around. i encouraged her to patch things back becos marriage is holy.it is enduring. it is a sacred bond.

i've decided to keep a distance from her and give her all the advice i can and encourage her to stay in love with her husband. it is the right thing to do. but i do feel very sad becos i miss her. she is the girl i dream i will marry someday. i guess i was 3 years too late..... i know she feels sad too knowing that she married too early.

these few nights, all i can listen to is glenn frey's The One You Love. i always thought that song was stupid.

now, the song cut straight into bone.it is playing as i write this.

to all brothers who is in the same situation as i am, i wish i can tell you that i should fight for her becos she is worth it. i wish i can tell you that we are in love.

but i can't.

i sincerely hope you will do what is right. back off. it is sad but it is better to be sad alone than to break a marriage.

thanks.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010):

I am a married woman - 10 yrs now. Fell in love with a single man. It was absolutely not intentional - it was an emotional affair. During the time this was going on - both of us tried to break away from it. Finally, it has happened - been 4 months now. I told my hubby about it. I left for a while to try and think straight. He took me back. And we are working on our marriage as best we can, via our pastor. My friend left the work place were we met. Of course it was hard for both of us, because we missed each other very much. But, reading all sorts of posts - specially ones about the single man loving a married woman - I can see the pain my friend must of been going threw. I never let him know in any way that I wished to leave my husband. In fact, most of the conversations we had was about such things as our childhood and various activities we enjoyed doing etc. Never did I talk to him about my marriage or if anything was going wrong in it. Of course he new from the beginning that I was married. However, the chemistry was there for both of us. Right now, I am going threw all the various steps of emotions that comes from grieving. Even if I am a married woman, I too grieve. Specially for the loss of a wonderful person that I wished would or could remain a dear friend, but this, I know will probably either never happen or perhaps far in the future it might. I do wish for him and encouraged him to finally date again. The last time he e-mailed me, he said he had never met a woman like me before and that he still loved me deeply - this after 4 months of not seeing me. I pray for him each day and wish him well. As for me, well I am very lucky indeed that my husband forgave me. Like so many posts I've read before, my married life was dying slowly, I felt taken for granted and part of the furniture. Today, things are better, one day at a time. Thank you for all your posts. And to all those single men out there, yes - it is not good to fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship - it hurts too much - for all parties. Best for you to heal from the experience and look for a single woman - she is out there for you - have faith. Sending all a friendly hug from Canada

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

I am a married woman madly in love with another man other than my husband. Unlike most women in this post I have no children, no home, not anything. He has provided nothing for me, the little we've had is because of me. He has no drive for anything and I have to beg him to please me. It's been 10 years and I've felt guilty I have never been in love with him. I have tried to make it work and have been extremely selfless. He has battled severe depression the whole time and I've stood by his side. I always lift him up, and been his support in everything despite the loser he is. I have never wanted children but now that I do I cannot see myself having any from him. I have stood by his side when he's lost job after job and his emotional abuse. I have loved him, not in the sense of romantic I will die for you love but been loyal, never considered cheating, always by his side until he abandoned me when I needed him the most. I was getting my degree, an extremely difficult one to do i might add and he would barely give me any support. Yeah he would work, after years of me preparing him for this moment, but lacked any kind of support other than that. I met the man of my dreams and mind you we've never had sex in the year and a half I've known him as he lives in another state but he was my support thru the whole ordeal. We started as friends texting back and forth, him asking me about my relationship with my husband, why I felt the need to speak to another man. He helped me find myself and look into my being. Helped me become a grown woman in the sense of me being able to think more for myself. Then very little before graduation I was kicked out of the house by my husband. Mind you this is his relatives' house as he cannot provide me with a home himself while I work part time and go to school. Yeah he's kicked me out before and yeah I knew I didn't have to leave and yeah he didn't trust me because he found me sexting with a different man but that was all his doing due to the fact that he rather spend time browsing porn than try to please his wife. Which I personally don't care if he watches porn but c'mon show some gratitude by pleasing your wife.I left because I was trying to graduate and he was making it impossible. He badgered me so much I failed my last semester. I didn't care anymore. I had sex with all kinds of different men. I now realize I was trying to find my best friend thru this men. I realized I love him very much and I fantasized about being his woman and having his children. I miss him dearly and I want to be only his so bad. He's much younger than me and I never would tie him down to me because at this moment he's playing bachelor. I have done the hardest thing in my life. I have let him go. I been crying for days but I'm ready to start my life again with my husband, have children, graduate, get a home.... Thing is I don't want to with my husband. I have come to despise him. I can't stop crying because I still want my friend. Even if we're just friends forever I'll settle. I am extremely heartbroken. This really hurts and I pray he loves me too because I can tell I've hurt him by letting him go but he don't want to stand in the way of my life. I can't bring myself to call him again. I have never realized how much could he really have hurt until I read these men's accounts. It hurts me more knowing I could have hurt my best friend this way. I know he's crazy about me and loves how beautiful he thinks I am. I stayed with my husband so far because I believe in being loyal but my hate grows deeper for him. Married ladies, from the posts I've read most of you seem very selfish. If you love a man, you will do anything for him and leading him on while you keep your security is unfair. You will endure any hardship, anything for the man you love. I say if he means that much to you, let him go, let him be happy and get yourself out of your personal hell before you go back to him. Asking him to wait seems unfair to him and to you. If you love something let it go, if it never comes back it was never yours, if it does it always has been....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010):

If She Is Married And Loves You Then She Loves More Then One It's Called Love Triangle. Honest A Woman Like That Is Not FaithFul And Trust...RUN AWAY...Swear By JUSUS...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010):

I've never been married, i've never really had the desire to have kids or a marriage i've been in alot of relationships which I would dub as mostly physical and short term. These days I consider myself older, more mature, I have finished my degree, and feel this urge for a life partner or even just stability in relationships. The woman that has me leaving this msg today use to be one of these short term relationsips that I never commited to 6yrs ago(kickin self now but it just wasnt my time). She ended up marrying a guy in our down time and they have been together 3 yrs now. The good news is they dont have kids together like alot of other posts have mentioned. I fell into this situation about 9 months ago when she contacted me by text, we began talking quite frequently while she worked 3rd shift I never really thought much of it at first just another text... it went from catching up to bringing up old memories how happy we were etc.... I really fell into this one because eventually she got around to explaining how empty her marriage was she told me there was no emotion in her marriage anymore that her husband was way to clingy and no longer found him attractive. She mentioned he had cheated on her and she had lost all love for him. Finally after about 7 months of talkin we decided to meet which was one of the greatest nights I have had in a very long time we bring out the best in one another its very unique so now we are even deeper down the rabbit hole. We have continued to meet every other week over the past few months. I fear the worst like someone said above an affair is a momment not a commitment but I still hope for the best. Her husband knows nothing about us, and I dont even risk the chance of talking when shes not at work and they are together. She tells me shes never been able to let me go and that she is in love with me. This sounds so familier to the many other posts in here. She said she would be with me now if she could but that it would be easier to leave him if we waited till they sell thier house so that they could cut thier financial ties. Also another main difference between alot of the posts I read was that in my situation she is the secure one, she supports the hubby more so than he does her. They both work full time he works days she works nights so they dont have much time together. She has the opportunity to work days but passes so its not like she has no choice to see him. The house is in the process of being remodeling to be put on the market which could take another 6 months which is fine by me I am in no rush I would rather excersise patience let them end thier relationship slow and easy rather than push her into a divorce both guns blazin creating a huge emotional mess and him finding out im involved. So I play it lowkey and go with the flow hoping for the best maybe I can be the first to post a sucess story unlike anyone else on here lol -cheers-

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A male reader, GothCupid United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2010):

After reading almost all what has been posted I realize that most have this nagging thought and doubt that if your married woman / lover is cheating on her husband with you why wont she cheat on you too later… I didnt understand why does this have to be specific to a married person , I mean if the marriage is a marriage of convenience an arrangement for the kids only and there is no sex or love left then this is not a marriage after all thus there isn’t any cheating .

And what if you do end up with your lover and get married do they have to now pledge undying loyalty and sacrifice even though tomorrow either of you fall out of love just like he or she had in their previous marriage?

Human relationships are not that complicated you fall in love you fall out of love .. sometimes you are forced into a marriage .. sometimes it’s a mistake and then you also have kids .. for most part couples just get sick of each other and looks fade and does one really have to lie each time they look at your 200 lbs overweight mass and say they still find you attractive .

Love lasts for a year or to max and then after its either putting up or having an extra marital affair. Believe there in no future and no light at the end of the tunnel and you will automatically know how to handle this relationship

So back to me and my promise to myself that I would go thru this gut wrenching ordeal of calling it quits for all the reasons i stated to myself .. I FINALLY MUSTERED UP ALL THE COURAGE AND DID IT TODAY two weeks after I first posted my thoughts.. Cold Turkey you bet

For all who are involved with a married person .. see the relationship for what it is unlike me don’t ever believe a homemaker of 10 years with no ambition to be a working mother and with little to no work experience will be able to move out of her husbands secure home take kids in tow and do this all for you … after all you sold yourself short you accepted their situation to the extent of empathizing about their need to stay in the marriage for kids sake. If you value and respect yourself you will not let this thought override all other emotions…. In the end you have the worst cards ever dealt .. you have shown to them that you are insecure enough to accept this relationship .. you never live on your own time you wait and watch for them to call you and after a while its them calling the shots cos they now control eveything while you just dance … it’s them spending weekends with kids and family while you sit and wait for a call while you’ve put your life on hold for them . a relationship with a married person is ONLY for losers.. unless it’s a quick f—k which if it was you would not be here reading this post !

In my case when we first met she was STILL with her boyfriend and was having “fun” with me ! why the f—k didn’t I open my eyes and resist her then – did I realize what kind of a woman has a steady boyfriend and flirts around with every guy in the office .. before me there was another ! After 10 days of fooling around with me and some real magical special moments ( no sex) she left me and said she was involved and it wasn’t right. it’s the same shit now she is with her husband and promises that if it weren’t the kids she would be with me right now .. but you know what THERE ARE KIDS right so why talk of a probability that doesn’t mean anything !

And after ALL that you will put yourself through esp after being dumped by her years back … after longing for someone who had fun with you while you were actually in love .. after accepting and promising that you will be a good step dad .. after accepting that she was just having fun with u then .. after you realize theres no way shes gonna get independent and the only way she will be in your life is you have to be the second husband .. after going thru months of no physical contact or sex … after sacrifing all times you could meet other single women if it werent for her thougts and your guilty conscience.. after putting your ego on the line and showing your insecurity … after ALL THIS what you will get is …

a woman who was cheating on her steady boyfriend - that is now her husband - not once but twice within the same year in the same office first with some guy and then you ..

a woman who is willing to see her husband now go thru hell and depression and panic attacks after he has discovered her infidelity and for her all cos she wants excitement in her boring sexless passionless and mundane life ..

a woman who was just having fun then but now claims to love you and loved you all these years without even having a single days time together with you ..

a woman who is a serial flirt and a cheat with no conscience and can two time easily ..

a woman who is lying to her husband in front of you on the phone while you lie naked in the sheets after making love and she seems to do it so effortlessly and without any guilt ..

a woman who waited all these years for you to come along so she could NOW separate with her husband If the marriage was over earlier as she claims she would ve already been a single mother working and living independently – she just wants a second husband to whisk her away and give her all the comforts without her having to do anything !

a woman who is incredibly selfish .. from the first day to now .. she is used to getting what she wants.. she wanted a steady boyfriend to provide security and had fun with you and now still has the husband and is having fun with you.

A woman who says she doesnt want to have your kids cos she has worked hard to get her butt in shape and a kid would ruin the hard work ! ..

a woman who says why talk of another marriage with you cos she is loving what she has accomplished without having to promise anything or a future she has you with your pants down and has a comfy home to go back to also.

A WOMAN WHO WANTS TO HAVE HER CAKE AND EAT IT TOO .

So did I do the right thing by dumping her YES ! Do I feel like theres a hole in my stomach YES ! Would I take her back If she made some effort YES NO YES NO YES NO YES NO ……………… and so the story goes

Not any more for me though maybe for some reading this .. if that is you do what I did and end it. You will probably never ever have a WIN WIN situation like this again. Be a winner and End it .

Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010):

am the with almost the same case as you.

am still waiting her... !!

sometimes , I want her to leave her husband...

sometimes , I think I have to leave...

sometimes , I do miss her... and think of all our good memory even sex..

sometimes , I hate her... why she dun let me go...

sometimes , I dun know what i want...

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A male reader, GothCupid United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2010):

"Same old story back again shes not a lover she not a friend" hold on isnt she? NO SHES NOT

ure a fool she wont divorce her husband cos women dont have the balls to leave security and easy life and atke on burden of their lifestyle on their own for someone they had a fling with 10 years ago! Now claim they love you.

my story is not different from most here ..

10 years ago i met my soul mate , at the time she was with her boyfriend and when we became best friends over a period of 5 months. we would flirt and joke in a sexy way got real close .. she was very seductive always trying to woo me and get me roped in well it worked. even though at the time i knew she was involved i still fell for her madly hook line and sinker to what she admits was a fling where she was just having fun while i knew she was already with someone and fell in love with her ... what a trip for her and hell for me cos she broke up after we fooled around for a week or so no sex //// fast forward 10 years she married the same guy has 2 girls 2 and 6 with him. so she says she got married cos she felt pressured and forced by him ...this and that she never loved him and that she conceived by mistake .. so what u saying u din want to have a baby with your husband .. no sex .. ?

so anyway now we met after 10 years she mailed me .. how u doing u married ? usual stuff at first i blew her off like all the time s she wud get in touch with me 3 times in 9 years - cos i din want to do anything with a woman who left my heart out in the cold to marry a man she din even love and to top it all off admits me and he was just fun just in a fling - basically was with her bf and me and now turns our she cheated on her bf before i came along with another guy .. no sex jus fooled around. this she actually told me !! So this i time i said life is short and lost love is back for me. Went for it and still going cos I love her madly.

so from fling to all out undying love soulmate and love of her life transition me has been seeing her for 7 months now .

went down to her town 2 months back and we had a great time great sex great chemistry all good ! she wants to leave her husband said kids will adjust - husband will leave her at first blush of infidelity . somewhere along the way she admits its much better me and her in a relationship like now without marriage and i hate to admit at the time i agreed .. guess it was the sex and non commitment carrot .just tells me more of how she perceives our relationship its just fun yet again i guess and im the one whos gonna be ok with sharing her time.

she says she fell in love with me and never forgot me all these years and will die for me she will leave her husband afer 1 year as she needs to stand on her feet and needs to let kids school terms finish a year before she puts them in another school - agreed she needs to have some financial support to move away from him . so i have been very supportive and always encourage her. this will take another year while i wait on calls and emails - sometime days without any contact while in all this loneliness i get negative thoughts - anxiety and depression and just want to call it a day .. did it twice once over the fact that i cant stand being a step dad and 2 NOBODY i speak to supports my being in touch with her. was back in her arms the very next day .. i love her madly i do and thats the problem. we get along like a house on fire.

at times I ask myself why now .. or even all the times she got in touch with me what was she thinking ?that she discovered her love for me and had to let me know ...isnt it obvious its all cos she needs the attention needs the thrill just like she did 10 years back .. one account of thrill or watever she gets from her husband and the 2nd account to fill in all where he fails to provide .. sex / passion /excitement so called LOVE discovered in absentia in the last 10 years ... was i so good with my kiss ? she never forgot about me ... i left such a mark ? or maybe the marriage is dead boring afer 10 years and a housewife needs to have some excitement in her life all without any commitment from her cos frankly she doesn’t have a clue shes never worked a day in her life . shes scared and rightfully.

to add to this , while we were having sex .. we din use protection 3 weeks after i return home she misses her period - panic sets in she goes over the counter and pops a pill . i never felt anything about the fact that she and i had a baby that we let go ! when i tried to break up over the whole step dad issue she put this on me saying i got her pregnant ! best thing about this is she wont let me go either each time i show signs of the same.

while we were recovering with the pregnancy ordeal Mr Husband invades her cell phone and lo behold he discovers our secret. she covers and says it s just sexy txt msgs thats all and weve never actually met cos i live in another country and cant meet her and there no sex ///same night i receive a call from her sating he wants to talk to me at 3 am . the guy was shattered .. truth his her marriage is not bad as she makes it out to be .. she just never loved him and now cant stand the fact that she has no passion or desire for him - she married him for reasons she doesnt say aloud but im guessing it was just a big mistake maybe for security or whatever - but the guy is alright and provides well for her.

now after 3 weeks of drama and her telling all that me and her are no longer in touch ..lying each day to him while he goes thru his share of anxiety and panic attacks i feel really bad for him cos he does really love her madly and she after lookimg at him in that state was OK to go out wth friends get drunk and have a good time same week at another girl night - makes me wonder how selfish is this woman that i think im in love with. husband has broken down cos he loves her madly her parents dont want her to leave him over wat they feel is not serious enough a reason .. they feel shes bored or lonely or watver .. and alo wont let her stay with them after divorce when she asked for it and say kids need mum and dad - so watever u do dont end the marriage over passion and sex..

NOW .. after reading all these posts and numerous blogs on the same including some on askmen.com .... will be calling off the whole thing once and for all on condition i will only communicate with her and be with her once shes actuallly divorced and ready . The biggest factor that we all men miss out on is " INSECURITY" when i look at myself in any other guys shoes and see him doing what im doing i feel the womans taking the guy for a ride ! shes calling the shots shes the one whom ure waiting upon while she sleeps in the same bed with him ( she claims no sex ) i dont doubt but how long before a man will let his wife not let him touch her. If i was smarter i would ve walked away the 4th time too I gave in we all give in thinking yes she the one shes always been the one and there is hope and she will leave him! all we are is INSECURE no man with pride and dignity will settle for this game of deceit. she cheats on him Thrice and you give her your heart for this well you know what Guys the fourth guy she cheats on will be YOU and in this case ME .

last thing any man should be is a b---- of a married woman living on her time waiting by the phone . We men need to be men .

the way i see it : if I break up I gain in 5 ways..

I will have closure and the upper hand

I will dump someone who is a cheat and will not have to go thru rejection and being dumped

I will be free from anxiety and "what if"

I will give up something that was never worth it in the first place .. even if I end up with her Im gonna be second choice and Step dad forever . so what was I putting myself thru for in the first place was not even worth it

This time I decide My fate !

So quit while ure ahead get ur head out of ur ___ and walk away ! i know i am - tomorrow .

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

Two married and lonely people have an affair. They think they are in love. But children are involved in both families and they can't do it to their families. The man finds the courage to break it off after four years. Over three of those years it was a hit or miss to see each other since we were 400 miles apart after a military transfer of the man. 9/11 and multiple tours in Iraq and almost ten years past when an email arrives in the man's email box asking how he is. You guess right. It is the woman. Things have changed. The man is long divorced but the woman hasnt. The children are grown. They meet and the affair begins again. Still the man drives three states to see her. Not for sex, but because she is sick and needs a hug from him. She can never leave her husband and the man knows it. His heart is once again in that situation of not knowing what to do. It was her memory that saw him through the horrors of war on those tours. He never forgot nor stopped loving her. But if it is truly love he feels, he knows that the risk is too great for her. She cannot give up her life and those things she loves for the man. She may love two men in different ways, but she is in love with only one of them, the man she married many years ago. So, alot of pain and suffering could have been saved both of them if only the man had the courage, the honor and intregity he showed on the battlefield. He didnt. And now his life is one of misery and loneliness. Not her, she has her husband.

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A female reader, married lady United States +, writes (9 July 2010):

I am a married woman with three young children. I've been in love with another man for three years now. He keeps me at a distance because he doesn't want to get hurt, but we both know whenever we meet sparks are flying everywhere. Ten years ago, I never would have guessed I'd meet someone so much like me, so sexy, so intuitive, so perfect and wonderful. I love him more than I can stand. Every once in a while it gets to be too much and we don't talk for a while.. then we contact each other again and it's sparks all over again.

I filed for divorce, but ended up reconciling for many reasons. The primary reason was i couldn't do it to the kids. Their dad and I get along fine and don't argue, it's just that we've never really been in love. Because I didn't believe in love until now.

Reading this post has helped me see my lover's side of things. He never talks about his feelings, but I know he hurts. The fact that I'm married lays very heavily on him. He likes to say that I'm only intrigued by him because of the danger and complications, but it's not true. I love him more than I've loved any man.

It hurts that I'm hated and that my love is not considered true because I'm married. Divorce is not simple and easy. I have to finish my degree and if I divorced now my husband would most certainly sabotage that effort. In the meanwhile I live in agony daily. I want him to date but he doesn't see anyone. I hate it that he's alone.

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A male reader, isaacdeese United States +, writes (6 June 2010):

I am also in love with a married woman reading these different posts I feel the pain that each person who responded feels. By the way I loved the wedding crashers video. Here is my story

I am 28 and I met a married woman who is 26. We met at a mall and we immediately clicked. a.k.a. sexual attraction lets be real. We had coffee a couple of times and we pursued a relationship. We met during her lunch hours, and she told me how miserable she was in her marriage. We couldn't help the attraction so we went with it. After we slept together she kicked her husband out of her house. He moved about 2 hours away and we started dating like any normal couple. Going out to dinner hanging with her 4 year old daughter going on hikes you name it we did it. It was like she was never in a prior marriage. We continued on for about 5 months and then the guilt caught up to her. Her husband was doing anything and everything to get her back. He is clinically digiagnosed as bipolar. When her daughter spent time with him he would not allow her to talk to her mom. It killed her inside. We connected in every which way possible spiritually, mentally, and definately physically. She told me she could never go back but then the guilt set in that she didnt do it the right way. DIVORCE is a very powerful word and she couldnt pull the trigger.

I am presently in this situation where she is not in love with her husband and she is in love with me, but her daughter plays a huge roll in her decision. They say never go back into a marriage because of the the kid but that is a lot easier said than done. I love her but I finally cut her off telling her not to contact me unless the papers are signed. I have been strong so far, and I plan on just being a dick when I do talk to her. I dont deserve a girl who is being on the fence so I am staying strong so far and she will have to make a decision either get a divorce or stay in a loveless marriage. As I see it She has got 5 strikes in front of her, She is not in love with her husband for three years now, She cannot communicate with him, She is in love with me supposibly, She is not physically attracted to him, and adultery. But still with that being said SHE has got to be the one to decide to pull the trigger. Until then I will move on with my life and be patient. Not looking to meet someone else but not opposed to meeting new people when she does call I will be stern with MY decision. Hope this helps pull away if it comes back to you its meant to be, but dont force anything it never works and either will their marriage.

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A male reader, choose to be happy United States +, writes (4 May 2010):

For the man that leave his wife for a married woman don't do it and the same for a married woman if you dating a married person and you both know it he or she will do it again so go ahead and enjoy the moment and go home to your partner and forget it. An affair is a moment of enjoyment not a life commitment

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A male reader, aishantipi Australia +, writes (28 March 2010):

perhaps sharing will at least help me to understand the situation myself a bit better..

Yes, I'm in love with a married woman. I have just told my wife about the affair, and that I wanted a divorce. I ended my marriage in the vain hope that the woman I am in love with would leave her husband, as she had said certain things to indicate that she would. But she now says she can't leave her husband, which i can empathise with, seeing the hurt that this is causing my own wife. I have tried to break it off with this woman a few times, but each time i guess i cave in, because, the bottom line is, I am deeply in love with this woman, i have come to see her as the love of my life, my soul mate. At best we may get to spend a couple of hours together a week, over 40 minute lunch breaks, and occasionally, a day or a night together. So basically, when i need to call her up, just to say hello, or tell her I love her, I can', it is up to her to decide when we can meet. Her husband knows about our "ended" affair and is now very dilligent in keeping tabs on her. I feel like a bit of a whipping boy, an on call booty call... but, i can't help it, because i truly love this woman. I have already suffered immensely, and will probabl continue to suffer.. but love is one thing i feel we need all suffer for from time to time..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010):

care

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010):

what a statement ... i love a married woman.. well myself included in this aggressive situation im still looking for answers. all i can say is that yes, it sometimes can be an amazing feeling that you have never thought you would feel, the connection, the endless nights you spend together looking into one anothers eyes, and yes love. i fell in love without even realizing it, all started as a brief fling and an attraction. something simple. and we both realized that it was much deeper than that. for her she is continously verbally abused on a daily basis and judgeed for her every move. ive only been anle to see it because we work together. i have spent countless nights making trips to see her and to be with her(once he leaves for work that is). she spends her free nights with me as well. but i will tell you as the situation goes on and gets longer in time the harder it is to break it off at least for me its that way. i have completely fallen head over heals for her, and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her. i have never felt for anyone like i have for her, it truely is amazing. but now 5 months into the affair i am slowly realizing that my odds of a future with her are thinning away, and i have been breaking my own heart over time. no ones fault but my own i guess you can say. but only time will tell what the future holds. i have been there for her as she has for me, and she has told me she wants nothing more than to be with me, but hey honestly if thats what she wants why is she still married to her husband. she has told me it was because she just baught a new house, but like one other person has said there should be no excuse. i am ultimately hurting my self and have cried myself to sleep numerous times trying to figure out why she isnt with me. so i say tread lightly as to no one knows where anything ill go and dont beat yourself up in the end if you dont get what you want. over all we put ourselves in these situations. so good luck to all and best wishes ..... i know i still need them

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A female reader, Evil Gidget United States +, writes (4 March 2010):

I am a married woman and have been hopelessly in love with a younger man for seven years. We have never done anything inappropriate, and I would never make the first move, but there is no way I could ever resist his advances. Physically, the most we have ever done was embrace just a little too long -- I'm sure it was my fault but he felt so good and my face was on his neck and it took all my strength not to start nibbling on him. He has admitted to having a crush on me but I have never given him any indication the feeling was mutual because in addition to being friends we also have a professional relationship.

How do you bring her closer? That's easy! When you talk to her, make a point of touching her and speaking softly in her ear, accidentally touching your lips to her ear now and then. Something that drives me crazy is when I'm talking to him and he's watching my mouth like it looks delicious to him -- like he wants to ravage my mouth. When you catch her looking shamelessly at your body, make sure she knows she's been busted and give her a half smile. Find reasons to spend time with her. Take an interest in her life. If none of the above works on her you'll have to bring out the tequilla shots. That works every time.

Okay, now it's your turn to answer a question. Why won't he have an affair with me? He knows I will leave my husband the day after my youngest graduates from high school in six years, but not sooner. It's a horrible marriage that has dragged on two decades and we haven't had sex in two years. We hate each other's guts and are only hanging on because we love our children so deeply and want what's best for them. I just wish he wouldn't make me wait six more years to be with him.

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A male reader, Fazio United States +, writes (23 January 2010):

Run away!!! You will have your heart broken. I left my wife for a married woman who swore up and down that I was the best thing that ever happend to her, the love of her life. She promised she'd leave her husband and we'd be together. I asked her a hundred times if she wanted to work on her marriage and a hundred times she said no. She said she wanted to marry me and have my babies. Our affair lasted about 2 years and then her husband found out. She ignored me for about 2 months and then called me to meet and told me goodbye. She said that she couldn't leave her marriage knowing she didn't do everything to make it work. This is the most pain I've ever experienced. So run away.

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A male reader, thehardway United States +, writes (21 January 2010):

I loved a married woman, with three beautiful daughters, aged 1 to 7. Everything seemed great. Yes, at times I took things for granted and this is foolish when you are in such a sensitive situation. But at the core was a very real sense of love and friendship. The kids loved me and I loved them. We were together for six months. When it came time for her to sign the divorce papers, she couldn't do it and disappeared back to her husband. I thought she was gone forever. We had a few encounters afterwards, but it was very painful and traumatic. This was definitely the most horrible experience of my life. Not the loving her and the kids part...but when it was all gone and realizing that she left to go back to her husband and that in time I'd have to realiza that I will never see her again because of her circumstance. You should never have a relationship with a married woman until she has signed divorce papers. Trust me, it will come back to you and you will ultimately be abused and ostricized for being the "other man who destroyed my family." There is no feeling on earth that hurts this much. Stay away. It won't end happily ever after for you...more than likely it will end up strengthening her marriage, and the next time you bump into her she'll probably be pregnant with his child...the child you wanted to have with her. Do you understand the pain you are setting yourself up for? You will be the one person in this equation who loses everything and has no one to turn to at the end of the day. It is sad. Don't do it until the divorce papers are signed, period.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009):

Wait patiently for the one you love crazily get out of her marriage contract, then take action to show your love. If you show love to her and she loves you back too for any excuse before she become single, it means she's not honest to the current marriage, and both of you will be in trouble as time goes on. In order to gain the wonderful love in future we have to bear loneliness and have self control. It is painful but it worthy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009):

yes , ia loved married woman.

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A male reader, brownelf United Kingdom +, writes (18 October 2009):

i'm sure others will post replies as this question will never become outdated...just the past few weeks, a new hire at work brought me to my feelings back in high school...she's a complete lady i regret never have to meet 12 years ago; of course, she's very much married, with a 6-year old son. the first couple of weeks was wonderful..we clicked right away, she was so open and close to me, she talks about her son all the time, but never about her husband. i'd like to think am assuming wrongly of her behaviour but she does some things i could only imagine from someone who's showing too much concern to me. i am married too and i love my wife and my son. so, i decided to stay out of her way. the past two weeks, she seems to angry at me, not the showy type, but she contradicts everything i say or do.

i really hope i am wrong to assume she likes me, but i don't want to find out what she really feels about me. i really like her too, but my mind tells me, it is wrong. i want to forget her, but i still think about her all the time. i find it difficult to avoid her when her desk is beside mine. i managed not to glance or stare at her the past week, but i always catch her every time she glances at me. i am so confused and felt so guilty every time i talk to my wife.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

i am replying to this post very late in the game but felt compelled to do so.im not sure if this will answer ur question or if it is also a question in itself which i may have to post as well but here is my answer/story. im married 13 yrs now. about 8 yrs ago my husband started abusing drugs and left me and started a relationship with another woman. during this time i became very close with his best friend. he was is my rock but it seemed that although he is very attracted to me and i to him all he wanted was to be a friend. he discontinued the supportive relationship we were estab lishing and kind of vanished. i was very lonely and one day my husband wanted to come home. i let him and i wont say it was bc i was lonely alone i also missed and loved him the love had just changed to a platonic friendship type love. almost as if we had been together for so long we didnt know how to be apart. about a year later the best fiend returned from abroad where he was......? the drugs started again and again the friend was there. the passion is explosive that sense of being with ur best friend, soulmate is allways there and i love him with an intensity that causes me physical pain. he told me he loved me he showed me his love and to this day we have never consumated that love. we have come close been naked and made love but there has never been actual sex. one or both of us always stops it when one is weak the other is strong. he later denied telling me he loved me as if i wasnt siiting right there my ears inches from his lips. i never told him i loved him and havent to this day. now we fight over anything and everything and inbetween almost tell each other how we feel. there are moment of great tenderness and moments of loathing. he dates women and makes sure i find out about it although he has quit bringing them to meet me. Im sure my husband suspects but unwilling to believe. first the question, am i deluding myself is he playing with me? if he was would he not have taken the gift i offered on one of the occaisons it was offered. is he so amazing he cant bear to hurt his man friend? and the answer......i havent left bc he has never asked and if he does i dont know if i could. my love for him is intense pounding in my head and heart every second of everyday. sometimes when im alone and finishing what we started i cry at climax bc it was so beautiful even alone or over phone and bc he wasnt there to share it.i have never nor will i ever feel this way agin love is love it is all encompassing and spellbinding, irrevocable and glorious and yes painful. my husband is my frind the love i feel for him is.........desire not to cause him pain, fear of what he will do, fear of hurting my babies, misplaced loyalty or loyalty in the right place? whatever it is it is not this totally connected comforting passionate take my breath away love i feel fo the one who wasnt meant to be but was also the only one meant to be but through a cruel twist of fate we were denied one another. i do not like being treated bad and my husband is clean and sobber for yrs now. he is very good to me and i dont deserve either of them. I fell into a paradise i was only allowed to glimpse. am now condemned to know what heaven is yet never allowed to live there. i have read every post to this ? i have delved into my mind and heart for the true answer. this is what it comes to some ppl get into a committed relationship before the right real hand picked by god one comes along. too bad you have made ur bed. some women are brave or selfish or whatever it is and they leave to explore the love that should have been and there are other like myself who stay who are to afraid or who love too much and always put themselves last. when u think of what will cause the least amount of pain to the least amoun of ppl u usually stay with husband. but believe me the pain , regret and agony follow u make u second guess every decision u make every day. u may be going through hell but so is she if she really loves u. i will say to u what i CANNOT say to him husband i love u and have no desire to hurt u but i am in love with another and will nevr be happy without him. i will never be happy if i think he isnt happy but i will also be in torturous hell if he finds happiness with another so for these reasons and my own sanity i must leave and i hope one day u can forgive me. to my true love, baby u have born of me a new woman a woman i never knew i could be. my heart burns so fiercly for u it wants to burn right out of my body to follow u throught htis lifa nad into another.to wake up everyday and open my eyes into urs to feel ur breath on my face and hear ur heart beneath my ear would be the warmest feeling. to go to sleep nestled in ur arms and holding u in mine is all i want for the rest of my days. i look into ur eyes now with tears in mine and beg u to feel the magnitude of my love for u. i will never smile again if it is not at you i cannot draw breath into my lungs without knowing u love me. evrytime i laugh cry walk across a room feel the air whisper across my skin lick my lips or close my eyes u r on my mind and in my soul im yours for now and forever and i can only hope that we have somewhere to go bc we have started on the wrong foot. ppl will judge us and hate us or laugh at us and wish us harm forever for what we have done but we can handle it bc we are whole and strong united. sorry this was soooooo long but u wanted the truth and thats my truth even though i am still with husband and have never voiced one word of my love to THE ONE, its there and i feel it it hurts me and thrills me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009):

My heart feel for you.I am into the same situation , and still reeling under the sideeffets.

Not too long back, i was into a deep rooted relation with a married woman with two kids, met at mt my work.It didnt take much time for us to be very close, feel for each other, everymoment.The relation caused a lot of havocs in my social life and at home.Everyone started giving the advices , but none of them gone to my ears.I lost my friends whome i once considered as close more than my family members.Everything went wrong for me, isolated everywhere.Still my only feeling was for her.Tried to get her more close to me.The relationship crossed all barriers.

Still she was staying with her husband.Believe me i never had anyother subject to think other than her.Emotionally attatched to her too much.Couldnt go much , i had to leave my job and return to my country as the pressure of this relation was neither allowing me to go smooth in life..Even then i was having a hope of continue the relation atleast through communication.Time went past.It has been two years since i met her.To my surprise she had been acting very strange since then.Giving me too much of advices , asking me to forget the happenings and so on. I really shattered.Left my home and parents ,i wanted to go to a place where no one is known to me.I was fortunate enough to have atleast such a life.I write to her still, but she is neither interested in talking or writing to me.I was just pleading her to talk to me...but in vain.I wondered is it the same lady who wanted to bear my child at some point of time, at any cost?Is it the same lady who wanted to come with me ignoring everything around, except her kids.

As i said , shattered, i dont have any light seen at the other end of tunnel.Well i am going past,just thinking of her still, dont know where i am heading to.

These are all part of life.

Well my friend, you are stepping into a wrong one.Let her be happy with her life.Some one some where is waiting for you with all her love.Just think , if a lady can forget her husband, and became close to you for any reason, there is no guarentee that she wont do it in future.Do not repeat my mistake.Your work, your friends , your parents , all those things are very very important.You are not going to get them back again in life.

Good luck

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A male reader, gtvermillion United States +, writes (27 February 2009):

I'm in the same situation, seems a lot of guys are. It's hard to imagine why guys like me fall for such seemingly real but ultimately false hopes of ending up with this person who dangle our feelings on the very hopes and desires we want to share.

I have found it very hard to let go, my story started about 7 years ago and continues to this day. However, my story is slightly different in that when I met this person I was the married one with one child and in one horrible marriage (another story, another day). I had filed for a divorce and was separated when I met her; she was single with child as well....To make a long story short,my wife was moving away for work and the thought of only seeing my son on weekends just didn't set well with me so we reconciled I ended the relationship that I now call my biggest regret! Why is it a regret? Because I'm now divorced and living two hours away from my son and now daughter. The reason for the divorce was infidelity (her) three year afair, and another story for another time.

So here I am, in the very same position I tried to avoid, being a part time parent, now for two children. So my story goes like this:

About a year ago a mutual friend of mine and the woman I should have stayed with told her I was back in town. I had no intentions of ever talking to this woman again as I knew she had met someone and got married. But I digress, she found out I was back and started to try and contact me any way she could.

Well, we started talking. Like all the other guys' stories here I too am very much in love with this person. So it was very hard to not continue in some type of relationship when the opportunity presented itself. She came on to me though, just for the record.

However, the roles are completely reversed, she's married (under appreciated and abusive) and still has feelings for me. But WON'T LEAVE!!!

We talked for about 3 months having a couple encounters, and then the pressure of wanting more and more just became too much for me to continue in the same way. I stopped all conversation because I realized she was never going to leave the guy.

Now fast forward about 8 months...calls start again, actually we ran into each other and well....it all started again, the calls, the visits. History has a way of repeating itself and with us; we always seem to come full circle. She says she has strong feelings for me but at the same time she just doesn't want to hurt anyone....classic I get from you what I don't get from him.

My advice to all the men and woman that are having this type of issue....walk away now and stay away, unless she or he leaves the situation you are only a buffer.

Although I'm my own worse critic here it's the best and only advice to follow.

Here's a video I created for her as I still can't seem to get her out of my mind. The movie has significant meaning to us, but most will get the idea.

http://www.youtube.com/v/l1kdTlrcV44&hl=en&fs=1

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A male reader, Divinito35 United States +, writes (10 November 2008):

Listen:

I know you are in a state of confusion, you may find her the only women out there for you...the perfect chemistry you have, the way she makes you feel, everithing and enything about her makes you feel wonderful...however, she will never be yours, a fact. She will always take her husband, she wants to work it out as she may be telling you she doesnt want to hurt anybody.

But my friend, realize you are already hurt, and this will only be the same over and over. Think of the things she do with her husband, that to makes me angry.

Get out...cut her off, it is hard but you learn from it, you will grow as a better man and have a better sense of what marriage is....i always asked her why she was doing this....she needed attention. Learn from this. because you will find somebody else and you will know what to give to her. it will take time, lots of time. But like me, you will survive

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008):

I learnt one important lesson from all the posts.My marriage is probably shit but bring in another guy is definitely nit going to help.

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A male reader, NN2271 United States +, writes (30 October 2008):

You can't do anything to bring her close to you. She has to come to you willingly. If you apply pressure she will not come to you. My best advice is to apply pressure without applying pressure which means make her think you don't care either way. Support her. Make her wonder what is wrong and why it seems like your feelings changed. Then I think she may make the changes necessary in her life to make it better. Everyone always says dating a married woman is wrong. I believe in the case of a husband's infidelity it isn't. Back when God envisioned the institution of marriage, love was bound by two hearts in synch and not bound by a contract. Divorces or separations were also determined by hearts and not by courts. Last time I checked contracts are broken everyday and no one is going to hell for them. Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008):

i want to say that i know 100% what you mean, simply because i'm in the same situation.

i'm very independant and strong man who can control his life and feelings but when i met this girl though she's married i just couldn't help it and still can't, it's not fair to blame her before you hear her part and why she fall in love with another man and she's married ? sometimes it's not only to blame that can help !

all answers here just made me love her more and what will happen tomorrow ? i wish one can put his/herself in our shoes before just writing answres.

someone in love with a married women but she's the most wonderful person i've ever met.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008):

I have been involved with 2 married women. The first I kind of still am but I will get to that and hopefully through this text you might find some answers.

The first:

I moved to this town and I met this girl that is 6 years older than myself. She has been married for 8 years at the time with one daughter with her husband. We started off as friends and one drunken night we both told each other our true feelings for one another. After words we started seeing each other secretly but with no sex involved at first.

This lasted for about 2 years we fooled around but never took the step. She kept telling me she was going to leave her husband and we both thought it was best to wait so our love could truly show when having sex without having to watch out backs or be nervous.

I also knew her husband, he wasn't a good friend of mine but I guess a friend nonetheless. Now after the 2 years is when things got really weird. I got into some hard times and needed a place to live for awhile. Being that he was my "friend" and knowing she was my friend let me stay with them. I was very reluctant at first but I didn't want to live on the street. I didn't know anyone else, I was devoted to her and her alone I had no need to search for others when I was new in town.

I lived with them for a few months. I saw the woman I love go to bed with her husband every night. I saw them kiss and worst of all I heard them have sex. That night my heart was crushed. I confronted her the next day and of course she denied it. I believed her but than again I knew what I heard but I let it slide.

To say why I stay there for so long in a simple way is because it felt like I was living with her. We flirted all the time even when he was home. While living there is when we had sex too. Another reason is because I was able to view what actually went on in the relationship and with me their they would have sex. So I thought anyway until the night I heard them.

So after I heard them I moved away. Not just the house but out of state. At first I cut off all communication but my heart gave in and started talking to her again. I told her she had to leave her husband like she said she was going to years ago which she agreed to and was telling me she was trying. I let this go on for another 2 years.

My heart was hurt so many time in the relationship but I continued because I loved her so. Until one day I met this girl at my work. We flirted but she was married and I was in love with this other girl. One thing led to another and we decided that we should have sex with no string attached. After all she was moving away in a couple months, her husband was in the navy and was going on his last tour and she wanted a **** buddy while he was gone.

I thought ok I haven't had sex in a little over 2 years so it sounded like a great idea at the time. My woman wouldn't find out so what could it hurt? Well we fell for one another and moved in together while he was still on tour. She told him she wanted a divorce and he agreed to it. My other girlfriend, which she knew about, kept calling until one day the new girl picked up the phone and chewed her out. Basically broke me up with her, which I was fine with because I moved on and I knew she would never leave her husband. After 5 years it took me to realize this. I knew because a couple months with my new girlfriend and she was already taking the next step, divorce.

Everything was going great I was with a new woman I cared for alot and was even falling in love with. I was the happiest man on earth. That is until a few days before her soon to be ex was getting off the boat. She told me she wanted to break up because she was moving away soon but we could be together until she does.

I was devastated but didn't put up a fight. I have been through a lot the past 5 and a half years so my heart kind of just gave up. Turns out she picked him up from the boat and decided to get back with him. She eventually kicked me out of the house we rented together and moved him in. I didn't know what to think.

We still talk because I understood that he is her husband and he treated her good, not as good as me, but still good so why not give it another try? She moved out of state and now realizes her mistake. She doesn't want to leave her husband, she wants him to leave on his own accord. I don't understand that. Another thing is she wants me to visit so we can have sex. I would love to but my heart is telling me not to go so I haven't. I have been putting it off for awhile now and don't plan to.

At one time after she left I decided to move on after some lonely sobbing nights. I slept with 2 different girls a couple of times. She wanted me to find someone else but when I told her I slept with one of the girls she flipped out. She didn't want to speak to me anymore. I talked her out of it but to this day she doesn't want me to find anyone else, to basically save myself for her even though she has no plans to leave her husband.

I just told her tonight how I felt about the whole situation and she flipped out again. She can't accept that I need someone and without her willing to be with me there is a good possibility I will find someone else. I haven't heard back from that yet.

Now one night my sister and myself were having a heart to heart about relationships. I was consulting her with her husband and she was helping me with my troubles. She said the best thing I have ever heard.

Woman love to be treated like crap. They don't like to admit it but they really do. They will tell everyone they need a man that is sensual and cares but in a womans eye that is not manly and that is what a woman wants. Being mean or a complete A-hole is being manly. That shows they have b*lls. They will stay with that man and usually find another man, a sensual man, to consult to, share their feelings with and even get what they can't get sexually at home. Once satisfied it is enough to hold them through their true relationship, their marriage.

With that said I knew I was a pawn in a womans game. Twice I fell for that and twice I came away heart broken. Men you have to break off these feelings for a married woman you are just being used. Used for everything her man can't give her but let me tell you it's not what she really wants.

Some might say my sister was just talking crap but I hate to say it she was one of the girls that did that to her man. She would know those feelings and why she did it better than girls that haven't cheated or men that try and explain things. My view changed completely after the conversation and even though I have feelings I don't let them stop me from moving on.

My suggestion is to just move on. Get out and run and don't look back. Your in for a world of pain with nothing going your way. Life is to short to wait especially when the wait is for nothing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008):

I dated a married woman for over 2 1/2 years. We met thru my work. We got along famously, and ended up spending a bit of time together. In these early stages, there was a lot of confusion on my part. I knew she was married, and she was quite a bit older than I was. It did not register in my conscious mind that I might develop romantic feelings for her. In retrospect, she claims the same. Not necessarily how I remember it, but whatever.

The main question here is: how long do you give a person the benefit of the doubt? I wasn't really sure of anything at first, but once things unfolded we ended up falling rather deeply in love. Even still, it's not as if you go into a relationship expecting to know what comes next. Once you're in it, you just kind of go where it takes you. For a while, anyway.

Over time, I couldn't help but grow more and more particular about what I felt I deserved out of the relationship. Not to place undue pressure on her, but when WILL she make a move, after all? I grew tired of the covert nature of everything. Especially considering that I was the man who was bringing her so much joy. I just wanted the world to recognize it. It troubled me more and more, and it was hard to witness her be so dishonest. It just went against my very idea of who she was.

Nothing I could say or do could get her to extricate herself from her situation. She was married, and raising two boys. And that was that. And far be it from me to have any opinions on the matter. I mean, over time, you can't help but get pulled into things. I heard about every single story involving those two, both good and bad. After a while I started to develop an emotional stake in things. It made things difficult. I started to really come face-to-face with the realization that these kids are here to stay. I never wished them gone, but there were plenty of times where I wondered where the hell their father was... and further, WHO he was. Her and I started talking about him more. One night, after several drinks, I asked her just exactly what drew her to him. Her answer? "He had a nice body." That's it. 2 kids and 20 years later, and that's what it comes down to? All this sneaking around, all these hard feelings, all this sacrifice, all this risk... and THAT'S what it all boils down to? I lost a lot of respect for her that night, and it took me a looong time to accept that it probably wasn't going to come back. We began to bicker after that. I wanted to love her just the same, and I tried, and I still want to, but somehow those few simple words made it a hell of a lot harder to justify our actions in my mind.

Eventually I confessed my concerns to her. Far from being understanding or apologetic, she got angry with me. Perhaps understandably at first, but over time and with some soul-searching I guess I'd expect her to come around. No such luck. We ended up fighting more until eventually some hurtful things were said. Now it looks very much as if we will discontinue our relationship. After all this time, I'm not even sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, that's the ten minute synopsis of 2 1/2 years. Obviously it's gonna be a less than perfect account.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008):

you cannot do anything she has to chose to want to be closer to you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007):

I also am in love with a married woman. We ended our "relationship" over 6 months ago. We had been seeing each other for 8 months. I know she loved me but when her husband found out her and I were telling each other we loved each other (he saw text messages), she stopped all contact with me. She told me that she told him that we never had anything physical. I backed her up when he confronted me. Anyway, she still occurs to me every day. Some days she occupies more mental space than others. One thing I can safely say is that I have never had this much difficulty getting past a woman. Consider this: why is your married woman still with her husband? why does she not just leave him and see you exclusively? mine would tell me she is in too deep, her son from a previous relationship is calling her new husband dad now, they just got marriedand bought a house, etc. None of these reasons are good enough. Basically, if your married woman truly loves you and wants you, she will leave her husband and devote herself to you. Another thing to consider, if she could do this to her husband, what will stop her from doing this to you in the future? Might it make sense to find someone who is available?

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A male reader, rudedog United States +, writes (12 November 2007):

I love a married woman. I met her and lived with her 17 years ago and fell in love with her then. We were young and had many problems, I had a daughter, she was younger (8 years), drugs, and so on. She left and moved away. She met someone and married him (for 17 years now) but still keeps in contact wih me. I'm married also, to a woman I met right after her, someone completeley different, I hoped I could spend the rest of my life with. She keeps calling and I can't say no to meeting her. I am not in love but happy where I am. I can't stop thinking about her and cannot get turned on by my wife now. HELP

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

i, too, am hopelessly in love with a married woman and would like nothing better than to spend the rest of my life with her. however i am fully aware that the only way this will happen is if she chooses it to be so.and, just to be clear...this is the most painful yet wonderful feeling of my life.when i am with her i am blissfully happy and never stop smiling and laughing but torture myself when we are apart but i wouldn't give her up for anything. i hope she one day chooses me. i cannot condemn anyone in this position as i know what it feels like first hand but i would recommend finding partners who are single as opposed to hooked up with someone else to spare yourself this glorious pain...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

i am the married women in love with a younger married man who is getting divorce but now recently started seeing someone he works with and i am so confused -it is as if he is blocking me out of his life . do i have the right to be hurt inside ?????

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007):

I'm the same guy from (2 August 2007):

Update... Well he thinks he knows about us now, which makes things difficult, but he is upset because he is not the main guy in the life of his wife and not the guy the children talk about. I don't fault him for being upset, I mean, why wouldn't I if I were him? It's just years and years of neglecting emotions and not talking have left him in this state that realizes only now that he can't do much about. But after some big fights regarding me in the life of his wife (keep in mind that I am a family friend of not only her immediate family, but her mother's entire immediate family - she has 8 children and I am friends with all and her husband - so much so that that side of the family offer to fly me everywhere they go). She still says she wants to leave him for me but needs to make sure she finishes school and can set back enough money to make sure she will be ok when it's said and done because I am now out of the military and only a sophomore in college. Mother now *knows* but won't talk about (without slightly encouraging the good points about me). Her mother invites the two of us on her trips that she takes and it seems that the sleeping arrangements (made by the mother) always end up having her daughter and I in the same bed or sharing the same area... (she's 10 years older than me hasn't lived at home in 20 years) So I am guessing the mom likes the thought of us together... but I am poor and can't afford her and her kids, so she stays with him until one or both of us finish school... But now he is extremely jealous whether or not he actually believes anything is going on between the two of us, he knows that she is at the very least enjoying herself as far as just being truly happy around me and he wants that for the times they are together. So he told her that as long as everything is "ok" at home, she can go take trips with her mom (even if I go). What "ok" has come to mean is apparently that he be allowed to sleep in the same bed again (which they weren't doing) and she has to be interested in him again and pretend to be excited when he comes home and "care" about what he has to say and his interests. Meanwhile, this is killing me... She fills a part of my life that I thought was dead, and she's swore the same to me... Her brother even called and thanked me for loosening his sister up (although he doesn't know that we are in a relationship) because she used to be a prude and didn't have a lot of fun and now she knows the things she was missing from life before me.

Unfortunately (only if things go badly) her kids are in the picture and know who I am and seem to really like me, so far as her oldest daughter txt msgs me often and really looks forward to when I can spend time with her again and hugs me tighter than any other non-family kid does when I see her or say goodbye and her other kids are jealous that the oldest is always the first to hug me. Saying goodbye, they all have to do it several times and cry and so does their mom and she isn't known for crying at all, and swears the only other person she cried for when they left was her grandmother who raised her in her early years...

What am I supposed to do? I love this woman with all my heart, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I want to be a part of her children's lives... everything fits right now except her husband (and just saying that makes me feel like such a... well bad person).

The thing is that it will be atleast a couple years before either or us finish school... I don't know if I can take the situation that long. I know I love her but to know that he touches her and makes her do thing she calls me and cries and cries about... It tears me apart. I want nothing more than to take her away, but I can't afford it, I'm just a poor broke college student and she's a mistreated doctor's wife.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007):

It is very easy to ask him to leave that Girl but When you put yourself into his state..It will be like a hell..

You need to decide whether she is your life or not, then if you think that you cannot live withour her ,,Then try some things to make her feel safe ,secure and to trust you that she will get everything with you...

That's all you need to do without pushing her ...Continue your friendship with some romance and then there some fun and I am sure that you will succeed...

But incase after sometime if it doesn't work ,Then we have some 151 strong for two days to change our mind dude.

Pick up someoneelse and have some fun ..Time can heel any wounds ....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007):

Many are we who are deeply in love with a married woman, all with the same questions... yet I wonder... has anyone ever pulled it off? Would be good to hear THOSE stories!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007):

Romance & sex, that s maybe she is missing from her husband and you missing from your wife

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

I had personal experience with this. I am married, although unhappily, and so was she (also unhappily). We became close in part due to sharing our grief about our spouses. We had an affair. Unfortunately, it led to nothing but heartache for me. Married people sometimes are just looking for something temporary to fill a void in their lives. They may disappoint you if you fall in love. There is always someone else out there who is single and looking for a relationship. It's so hard loving someone and then having to see them go home to their families. It's much better to move on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007):

Ok, so my buddy's family has kind of become my own even more than to him. His mom, and two sisters go to Vegas, one older than me and one younger than me. I've been interested in the younger for a few years now and end up sleeping with the older married sister. She says she's blown away and hasn't felt so comfortable with anyone as quickly as me and wants to see me after the trip. So weekly, I've seen her for at least a few hours. She's now talking about leaving her husband and being with me. She has kids with him and I hate to admit that they really like me too (I know my buddy's entire family and they all love me with the exception of HER husband, I don't know him). I really feel for this woman, she's a great mother and takes a huge interest in their daily lives and seems to push all the important things in my life that I haven't always pushed, like education and doing things that are good for me. She doesn't lavish me with gifts, not that I want her to, but she does do really nice things for me often. She organizes trips with her mother which she usually doesn't like to be around too much because it's the only way that she and I can be together more than just 5-6 hours at a time and not look so weird seeing as how I've gone on trips with the rest of her family often and her mom wants me to be her son in law very badly (she pushed a relationship with the younger daughter).

Anyway, I love her, I feel a completeness I haven't felt before with her and I can't stop laughing and smiling around her to the point it hurts and that's not present in the other aspects of my life and the same is true for her. I listen to the rest of her family talk about how she's not been happy for years prior to me.

I don't know what to do... I can see myself with her, but I don't want to see myself in his shoes. I'm lost and I'm not sure if I can be found anymore.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007):

As much as I would like to admit that my situation is different, I know I'm lying to myself. Here is my story. I hope someone will be able to maybe give me something I can use.

It all started in the bar. I walked up and started talking to her and her friend. Right off the bat I asked her if she was married to which she replied....NO!!!. She was my age, no kids, her native country is what my heritage is...catholic, and the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. Everything was so perfect until somewhere around the 4th date. she dropped the bombshell and told me she was married. I quickly got up and said I was sorry but I did not want to be involved in anything like this. She asked me to just hear her out before I decided to leave. I did

She claimed that she was helping a friend from the old country obtain a greencard and that they did not live together and had never been intimate with each other. After hearing the story and looking at some other facts, like how she had never changed her last name and she had all this time to spend with me, it seemed like she could be possibly telling the truth. Things were unbelievable, she would spend weeks on end with me and we were nearly inseparable for the last 8months leading up until about last week.

Around March, he obtained his greencard and supposedly, they were going to get together and get the necessary papers signed. It had never happened. In fact, no steps were ever even taken. She goes to school for her masters and works full time, not to mention spends every free minute with me. That brings us to last week. She printed out the paperwork from online and said that she was going to take it to him to sign so this thing could get moving. That was when I got my first phone call from him telling me a whole different story. He had claimed that it wasnt for a greencard and that he loved her so much and she loved him and blah blah blah...i had told him my side of the story thats basically where everything is now. she showed up at my house that evening crying and saying how he is lying and trying to ruin her life because of this...i would be able to continue believing her if she would go to a lawyer and quit trying to rely on him to sign papers....I told him that I wanted no part of this and I never did...I love this girl with my heart and I dont know what to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007):

As much as I would like to admit that my situation is different, I know I'm lying to myself. Here is my story. I hope someone will be able to maybe give me something I can use.

It all started in the bar. I walked up and started talking to her and her friend. Right off the bat I asked her if she was married to which she replied....NO!!!. She was my age, no kids, her native country is what my heritage is...catholic, and the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. Everything was so perfect until somewhere around the 4th date. she dropped the bombshell and told me she was married. I quickly got up and said I was sorry but I did not want to be involved in anything like this. She asked me to just hear her out before I decided to leave. I did

She claimed that she was helping a friend from the old country obtain a greencard and that they did not live together and had never been intimate with each other. After hearing the story and looking at some other facts, like how she had never changed her last name and she had all this time to spend with me, it seemed like she could be possibly telling the truth. Things were unbelievable, she would spend weeks on end with me and we were nearly inseparable for the last 8months leading up until about last week.

Around March, he obtained his greencard and supposedly, they were going to get together and get the necessary papers signed. It had never happened. In fact, no steps were ever even taken. She goes to school for her masters and works full time, not to mention spends every free minute with me. That brings us to last week. She printed out the paperwork from online and said that she was going to take it to him to sign so this thing could get moving. That was when I got my first phone call from him telling me a whole different story. He had claimed that it wasnt for a greencard and that he loved her so much and she loved him and blah blah blah...i had told him my side of the story thats basically where everything is now. she showed up at my house that evening crying and saying how he is lying and trying to ruin her life because of this...i would be able to continue believing her if she would go to a lawyer and quit trying to rely on him to sign papers....I told him that I wanted no part of this and I never did...I love this girl with my heart and I dont know what to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007):

I am in a relationship with a man, who was having an affair with a married woman. Not an affair on me, even though not sure when it started, we were split up at the time, but an affair is still an affair when one or both are married.

Regardless of growing up in a church, an affair is wrong as much morally as spiritually. I feel 2 commandments are broken, Thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife and thou shall not steal. Regardless of who made the first move, one should not take what does not belong to them.

And if she has strung you along for a year, wake up and move on. Sometimes people are more apt to love what they can not easily have. I believe this to be my boyfriends problem also. He and her have done more damage to people with people finding out, I personally am seriously scarred. He is leaving also and it is devastating to know that this married woman, who I guess chose her husband over him also, will be the one he thinks about for the rest of his life and not me, the one who was available.

My advice, find someone single when you move.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007):

I don't know if any of us in this situation can give any advice to another.

One year ago, this very day, I was kissed by a married woman I had loved her for years...nearly 4 years... but I had hid my feelings for her because she was married. My love was a forbidden love, even though I was single. One might think it would have been me that made the first move with such an attraction for her, but actually it was her that made the move on me, after 19 years of marriage.

So... a year ago this very day, and she has not left her husband. She is scared to leave the safety of the known, even though she says she has never loved or even known a man like me before.

Her husband has found out about us twice... both perfect times to leave him, but she hasn't. I guess the power of 20 years makes one a little autistic... changes being scary. She feels aweful about doing this to her husband, even though she doesn't love him. She feels aweful about not being with me. Her husband calls her on her cell phone to see where she is... and he feels aweful... scared. And me... I was raised in church... and the one thing that sticks with you your whole life is the guilt, and knowing this will send you to hell. I just want a normal relationship with her. When I went into this a divorce seemed a couple of months away... and now a year has passed.

I nearly broke it off a week and a day ago... in fact I did... Not strange I was destroyed inside doing it, but she was totally destroyed inside telling me several times that she has never loved a man as much as she loves me... she wanted her life with me... and me leaving here... woke her up... and I bought it... and here we are back in the same situation again while her and her husband are on a romatic weekend to celebrate her birthday.

Maybe the best advice I could give is have the strength to leave, because that may be the only way she gets the strenght to finally make a choice. Right now she loves me more than any man she has ever loved... I love her more than any woman I have ever loved, even at the risk of hell...

Believing she isn't strong is a mistake, because she loves me, yet actively makes a choice every day to go home to another man... that is the reality. My advice, the advice none of us will take, leave. It may be your only hope to have her make a choice. If only I had the strength to follow that advice, she may be mine already.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007):

I am too in love with a married woman who has two children and has been married eight years. We flirt, make jokes at work and she tells me that I make her day everyday. If I do not talk to her she also gets upset saying that that will ruin her day. I do not know what to do and how can I find out if she will leave her husband for me or maybe I should just get a job transfer away from her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007):

I am involved with a married woman also. She tells me she wants to leave her husband in her own way and time. I try and show her respect and let her do it how she feels it needs to be done. She told me she still loves him, but loves me also. I couldnt believe she said that you could love two people at the same time. True love is between two people. Not three. She asked if I felt she was worth the wait. I really feel she is. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. Her husband is very controlling. She is a very independant person. She can't be herself around him. She is the one I have looked for all my life. How do I let go of such a strong feeling of love. She told me that we were not a "if" but a "when" I really believe her, but it hurts to know she goes home to him every night. I hope she finds it in her heart to be with me. I told her that she was not honest with the love she expressed with one of us, and to figure out which person she felt true love for. If things do not work out with her.. I will probably be alone for another 10 years. It took me that long to find her. Is it possible that some people were meant to be alone and lonely their whole life?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007):

Well that makes a lot of us in the same boat!

I also love a married woman(I'm married too),we have been together for 5 months now.I have try to leave her but I turn going back to her arms.She really loves me and I have never been so happy in my life with somebody.It's sound strange but I have change my ways thanks to her.She is with her husband because she can not support herself and her daughter; her husband is not the father of the child. They have been married for 8 years now but she doesn't love him for several years now.

Good luck to all of us.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007):

I am also in this situation.If you have to ask yourself if it's wrong than it's wrong.It does hurt at times your insides feel all bruised up because all you think about is her and wanting to spend time with her to love her.But she's already commited to another and you drive yourself crazy because you can't let go.Good luck man.I can't let go either

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006):

I am in a similar situation and am also lost. I have absolutely no control over my feelings for this woman. On top of that, she is much much older than I. I tried to keep my distance from her as long as possible, but our feelings for each other recently outed. There is no question that she is happy with her husband, but she tells me that she has never met someone like myself and how much she loves me. We have so much fun in each others company and are so close mentally. it seriously makes me sick that I'm in this type of situation. I can't even talk to anyone about it either. My guess is the only thing to do is try to move on. It's the only conclusion that I can think of while knowing that I will never have her to myself.

Signed,

An Incomplete Man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006):

You need not do much. Give her time to sort things out for herself, her predicaments in her own marriage...but your Friendship will definitely help her to survive the psychological loads from that monster husband... if its true! Who knows her real reasons of staying with the husband anyway?

GOOD luck for trying..I know its hard to do it when you are very much emotionally involved.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006):

An interesting yet not a fun situation. I do not know this womans situation. Unlike others here, I don't believe she loves her husband, because if she did, she wouldn't do this to him. My ex did this to me, and I am pretty sure at the time she didn't love me.

So why do people then stay together with someone they don't love and fall in love with someone else? Perhaps her husband is a controller. Perhaps he has worn down her belief in herself. Maybe she feels like she is worthless, and if she left, she would be pennyless, and living in the gutter. Does anyone know why a woman that is beaten and is mentally abused stays with her husband? Fear perhaps? What is to say thatthis woman he loves is afraid to leave her husband. The unknown is a scary place!

My advice first would be, don't fall in love with someone that is married. It is bound to hurt a lot of people and make a divorse 1000 times worse. But too late for that in this case. If you want her, and love her with everything that is you, then you need to build up her self worth, as any good partner does. You will have to be ready for her never leaving her husband, even if he is a monster, but then again, in what relationship is there a warrenty that it will last forever? You need to continue to let her know you love her, and make her feel safe. I would also advise you put a time limit on this relationship. If you do not see her moving, even slowly tords a divorce, lets say in a few months, the likelihood that she will move in that direction becomes less likely. You will have to know when it is time to cut and run if you don't see forward motion. If you see forward motion, with any luck, everyone ends up happy and in love, even her husband. If she doesn't love him, how much happier will he be without her and with someone that actually loves him!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006):

Reading all answers i can say that it's easy to say things if your hands are in water not in fire like bazawula here !

i want to say that i know 100% what you mean, simply because i'm in the same situation.

i'm very independant and strong man who can control his life and feelings but when i met this girl though she's married i just couldn't help it and still can't, it's not fair to blame her before you hear her part and why she fall in love with another man and she's married ? sometimes it's not only to blame that can help !

all answers here just made me love her more and what will happen tomorrow ? i wish one can put his/herself in our shoes before just writing answres.

someone in love with a married women but she's the most wonderful person i've ever met.

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A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2006):

shania agony auntIf she loves you then she would leave her husband and run in to the sunset with you,right? Wrong! My money is on your lover staying with her husband,why? because deep down she probably loves him and when she met you,it was sexual attraction,yes she might well be in love with you but not enough to leave her husband.Let her go,i know its hard because you are emotionally involved,but it will be best in the long run.There will be a girl out there for you who will want you all for herself,and guess what? She wont be married.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006):

Its totally wrong she is poisonous. dump her find someone else. she sounds like trouble to me. anyway she can't be that special .

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A male reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (13 January 2006):

Mr.Ed agony auntLet her go; there are hundreds of women out there.

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A female reader, shortie +, writes (13 January 2006):

You need to forget about her, i know its hard but she's married and i doubt very much she'll ever leave her husband,stay away from her, break all contact, it'll save you a lot of heart ache trust me!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (13 January 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntNothing, leave her alone.

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