A
female
age
,
*outheast Florida
writes:I feel that I am not able to express myself without being in the wrong. I have read other questions, and I am seeing that I am in the same situation. I have been in this relationship for over 5 years. I have my own home, investments etc. He is always stating that I should take my annual distribution from my IRA, and feels that paying the mortgage is enough to stay here. He always say's it's our house, but if anything needs fixed, it's up to me to get the money and have it fixed. I'm fine with that because then he can't bring it up later.He finds everything negative to speak about my family. I have gotten so sick of hearing the same crap over and over!! He has been told not to, but it never stops. I can go on and on, but I need to know what to do to get him out of my life!!I have told him to leave, and he gets all teary eyed, tells me I'm the love of my life, etc. I am scared to follow through with moving him out. I live on disability, and am afraid I will lose things. I am starting this Thursday for Physiologic help. I feel better just stating this, I know what to do but feel scared. Please help me with what you would do to see if I am thinking on the right path!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2018): Is he infact the one who's scaring you into leaving perhaps?emotionally/spiritually sabotaging your positive attitude on leaving his unhealthy negativity.
I really feel that you need to get out from his negative influence. he is a narcissist and one of the things that these beings do is to estrange you from your family. Even if your family are horrid, what's it to do with him? If they are horrid he should be loving you and encouraging you to be a positive person, but he's not, he's just bringing you down. This is one of many stances these people take and you are with one.
he's worst than your family and if he's worst than them and thinks that you should not commune with them, then what is he really thinking about you being with him considering he is more vicious then how he makes them out to be?
Get out get out now. Save yourself, he will not change but you can. There are many books out there about these type of people and I'll bet you if you were to read one, (H G TUDOR, a self confessed poopoo head is informative) you'll recognise this mans traits!
So. I have gotten out of these kinds of relationships. I had an extremely hard time because the people I knew were wicked, but I've stuck (more or less) to my guns. Men who don't want you to leave them and have tears in their eyes are not caring for your concerns, only their own. he's black mailing you and threatening you.
This is Not Love.
You can do this. Please be strong, he sounds like a bully.
Good luck dear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2018): By the time an OP writes DC; they have already made up their minds, and already know the answer. It's all that doubt and fear of the unknown that swirls around inside us that prevents us from making difficult life-changing decisions.
You said you're getting sick of hearing the same crap over and over. That's your inner-strength and fortitude building-up inside. It's the tempest before the storm. The winds are gathering and you're about to blow your fury!
The fear is necessary; because it will make you stop and assess your situation. It's only caution for the sake of using common-sense before acting on a misguided-impulse. There's always some hesitation and fear before making some kind of big-move. You weigh the pros and cons; but at some point you must find your resolve. Fear should not paralyze you. Are you afraid of him, or being alone? Maybe both?
In most cases; you can do bad all by yourself, without his help to make you even more miserable. It's not supposed to be easy. He is taking-over your life and controlling you. Maybe because he feels that's the manly thing to do; if you are not showing your own strength and empowerment within your relationship. If you've always relied on him for everything; you gave him the wheel. He has gladly taken-over!
I must admit; if he pays the mortgage payments, it does give him some voice. Not your power of attorney, or any authority over you! He ain't your husband! He's going from boyfriend to bothersome! It seems he's pressing on your last nerve! Keep his slimy hands off your finances! If you need financial-advice, seek a professional! Ask a financial-advisor!
Just give yourself a moment to compose your feelings. Sit-down and jot-down your thoughts. List the benefits of him staying, and those of him going. Whichever list is the longest, that justifies your decision. From you post, I sense he's already got one foot out the door!
If he's gotta go, he's gotta go! He can drink his phony crocodile-tears! Life is too short. You have to make the best of it, and sometimes we have to rid ourselves of the people who inhibit our growth, or ruin our quality of life. If he was your husband; much more consideration, thought, and effort must be placed behind maintaining a marriage. Not so much for boyfriends. Love is not an excuse, it's an emotion.
Mature-women (pardon my presumption here) are much more cautious; fearing not finding another man. What's the use, if the one you've got is sending you to an early grave??? A lady-friend of mine says "God gave women longer lives than men to reward them for having the heart to put-up with men!
Maturity and wisdom only makes us cautious; but we have fewer years left, so we better make the best of the time we have left! Never suffer thinking God doesn't have a better plan for you.
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